I am just overflowing with optimism and groovy feelings today
My weigh-in was last night. Another kilogram (2.2 lb) gone! Huzzah! Just four pounds to go until they take off that pesky extra weight from the scales and I can be a "normal" fat person instead of The Freaky Lard Arse. I am determined to bust those 4 pounds off in the next couple of weeks.
So determined, may I add, that I woke up early this morning and took the dog for a half hour walk. It's a very brisk walk coz the mutt insists on charging ahead and pulling hard on the leash. But it was a lovely morning, and I had so much more energy than when I try and exercise after a long day at work. It felt fantastic. I am definitely going to get up and do that again tomorrow.
(Did you note this time I said I am going to do it, as opposed to my usual vague I'll try and do it statements? Groovy! I've got the eating thing worked out, you see, I just need to get the exercise thing happening)
. . .
Anyway, last time I mentioned that I wanted to write about why It's Happening this time and why it didn't last time(s). I've puzzled over this for awhile now. I don't know how many times I would staunchly declare that This Time I Will Do It and then I never did it. I have started Weight Watchers no less than five times, the first of which was when I was just ten years old (that's another story in itself), and each time I lost a bit then gave up because I didn't keep losing.
Why didn't I keep losing? Because I wasn't eating properly. Most of the time, I didn't eat enough. I didn't exercise much. I wasn't motivated. My heart wasn't in it.
I used to think that one day I would wake up and BANG, all this motivation would have suddenly wormed its way into by magic. But it never happened. I knew all along what I had to go to lose weight, I just didn't make the effort to do it. I really think the one thing that has made the difference this time is the PLAN.
Yeah baby, The Plan! Have you heard that old saying, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail"? I never had a plan before. I'd go to the WW meeting every week and pay the money, get weighed, skip the lecture and go home. Then I'd expect the weight to somehow drop off when I didn't plan my meals, I didn't buy the right foods, I didn't keep track of what I ate, and I didn't have goals, just this vague desire for my lard to drop off me.
But now, I know what I want! I want to weigh 69 kilograms. I want to get as much of that off before my 25th birthday (November 2002). I want to be healthy, I don't want to feel like I will die from climbing a short flight of stairs, I want to like myself, I want to wear foxy clothes.
I want, I want, I want! Such a demanding wench I am! But unlike my previous attempts, now I know that I DESERVE all this stuff. I KNOW that inside I am a happy, energetic, fun kinda girl that right now is just wearing a very heavy FAT SUIT. Before I always had this feeling in the back of my mind that I wasn't going to succeed. That I was doomed to screw up again and was bound to end up in front of the television with a family block of chocolate again. The first step for me was to convince myself that I am worth it, just like Heather Locklear on a L'Oreal commerical. I'm worth it! *tosses hair around*
So with that belief in mind, then it's time for specifics, for the nuts and bolts of The Plan. Joining WW works for me. I like a bit of ritual and routine in my life. I do not have the self-discipline and drive to keep going on my own. Now that I know Monday night I have to get on the scale, I'm less inclined to be a pork. I want to see that scale go down. I want to see the meeting staff cheering for me. I want that euphoric feeling. And goddamn, I want the leader to give me a gold star to stick on my forehead!
Another important part of The Plan for me has been Sisterly Support. My sister only has a few kilos to lose, but she joined WW with me. She gave me a cuddle when I cried after the first meeting. We do the food shopping, go to the gym, walk the dog, try new recipies, together together together! Just have a look at your life and you're bound to find someone that can be a great support.
I think the most concrete part of The Plan has been the Food Planning. Before, we'd never have anything too healthy in the house. We'd forget to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner, so we'd go get McDonalds or similar slop. I'd skip breakfast, then eat something rotten and fatty for lunch. Then when at home I'd just scoff things randomly, regardless of if I was hungry or not.
It's as simple as this: if the bad food is not in the house, I can't eat it, can I? So now there's bazillions of yummy healthy alternatives. And we always know what we're having for dinner, because we plan our week before we do the grocery shop. Sounds too rigid and planned for some, but for us it works because it removes that element of panic and confusion and the "whatthefuckarewegonnahavefordinner" thing.
It works for us, is all I can say. I really think the key is firstly, be kind to yourself and realise you deserve to be happy and healthy. Accept that you have good days, and rotten hate yourself days, you may have a truckload of weight to lose, but just always remember that it is worth it. Then once you've got your attitude sorted, look at what habits got you where you are, and work out a plan to change it. It doesn't matter how wacky or unconventional it is. Just make it suit your life. If it means eating salad sandwiches for breakfast (as i do) or walking up and down your stairs 50 times for exercise (as i do) (although 50 times is a great exagerration), JUST BLOODY DO IT.
All that crap is what's made the difference for me this time. I know I haven't lost much yet, but I am damn proud of the changes I've made and I will keep it up.
. . .
There is a guy here at work complaining that my BBQ Rice Crackers smell too much. Sure they're spicy and fragrant, but they're only one point for ten of them, so he can just bite me!