Off With The Straitjacket

I'm feeling human again 🙂

Thank bloody goodness That Time has been and gone, so I can be relatively sane again for a few weeks. A couple of years ago I was very ill with depression but I clawed my way out of it, but That Time feels like being that down again. I get so insane with self-hate and neediness and general blahs. I can't believe I used to feel like that 24/7, it's very exhausting.

I am doing better with the exercise thing. You know that old saying, Rome wasn't built in a day? Well Rome didn't become a big pork-ass in a day, either, so I can't expect to just trot up to the gym and melt a ton of fat off instantly. I am very unfit, and doing my crazy little bursts of workouts is not going to help, so I've decided to slow it down a bit and be more realistic. This week I haven't been to the gym at all, I just couldn't face it with my screaming ovaries. Instead I've been taking walks, our neighbourhood is so lovely and peaceful. I harrumph along for 20 minutes or so. It's about all I can manage right now. But I've done it three times this week so far, so that's something.

My eating has been good, except for my crazy sugar cravings that come with the yo-yo hormones. But I behaved. I had some marshmallows, but you can have 5 for one point, and they're fat free, so it's just a nice little treat now and then.

I face my first real challenge tonight, I'm going out for dinner with my sister and father. Hopefully there'll be good choices on the menu, and I'll be sure not to have fries or anything porky on the side. I've been saving up points for the occassion, and I'll be drinking water and having a nice homemade risotto for lunch so I don't feel starving and eat too much tonight.

I also wanted to say a big thanks to those who have emailled or signed the guestbook, you have been soooo lovely and supportive! 🙂 I am a total lazy bum when it comes to writing emails so I am slowly replying! But do know that I am very grateful by your kindess.

I am so scared of gaining weight on Monday night. I feel all puffy and bloated. I don't care how tiny a loss it is, I just want it to go DOWN. Did you know I am only 2.8 kilograms (6.16 pounds) away from being able to be weighed "normally"? Right now I have to have an extra weight thing added to the scale because I'm so freaking lardy. But once I get under 140 (308) I will just be able to jump right on the scale and not wait around to the very end of the meeting coz I don't want anyone seeing the extra bit go on. So THAT'S my mini goal people, to get that extra weight thingo off the scale! I am aiming to do that by the end of March.

The people at my meeting are so wonderful. After my first week when I bawled my eyes out, they have been extra kind to me. Always give me a grin and a big thumbs-up when I arrive and they see that I made it through another week. They never comment on how much I have to lose, they just encourage me with every little bit that I lose. They're great. If any of you are considering joining some sort of weight loss club, I really recommend it. That extra bit of support and accountability makes all the difference.

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