Almost Summer

Spring has well and truly sprung here in the Southern Hemisphere, and since all of last year’s clothes are completely kaput, today I began that awful task of compiling a new wardrobe on a very limited budget.

I can now say without a doubt that there is not a single bra in this entire city that fits my boobs. I went to about 7 different places and I’m ready to tear my hair out. These days I’m about a size 22 (US 18) and a C cup. Do you think there is anything in that kind of size? Noooo. Either you have to have huge honking EEE cups or nothing at all. If you’re anything above a size 16 they assume you must have at least a DD to go with it. Apparently there’s no fat chicks that can only fill a C cup. There’s also an unwritten law that all fat chicks deserve is the most bloody ugly lacy shitty designs with bulky bows and crap so that you never get a nice clean line under your clothing. I would kill for a t-shirt bra, but here you can’t get a t-shirt bra in anything bigger than a 16 (US 12). That shits me no end.

So I am stuck with ONE bra that remotely fixed, cept it’s black so I can’t wear it under anything light, and the cups are now too big so you can see the excess fabric under my clothes. AAAAARGH. It’s frustrating beyond belief. If anyone here in Australia knows of anywhere online or wherever that you can get decent bras, please let me know!

I tried on some clothes since I have a total of ZERO spring-ish outfits to wear to work. Everything from last year is way too big. I found myself reaching for the traditional dark colours to hide in, and automatically ferretting out the biggest sizes. I was stunned to find I could get in the size 22 with no problems. Then I tried on a top in a bright apple green and found it went really well with my bright hair. So I bought it. No more hiding anymore! Now if only I could get a decent bra to put under it!

I know I should have been rejoicing that I was two sizes down from eight months ago, but I was still shitty. Shitty coz everything in the decent fat clothes was ridiculously expensive but really ugly. Shitty that the cheap fat clothes at Target were absolutely revolting. I may as well dip myself into a bowl of lurid polyester and be done with it. Shitty coz I am so so so SO far away from being able to find a bra without all this hassle. Shitty coz there’s so many pretty clothes in lovely colours and I am not small enough for any of it.

AAAaargh. I need to become more patient, I know.

Still slogging away at the gym. The weights are still playing havoc with the scales, but I chose not to focus on that now. I focus on my arms getting smaller and that I now seem to have an actual ANKLE forming, rather than this big tree trunk connecting my knee and foot. Even my toes look smaller. When I flex my foot I see the bones where before it was just a big slab.

Must be patient. Must. Be. Patient.

Ohh but my BOOBS! They shit me so much! Is there nothing in this world that can hold them down? Sometimes during Fitball class I swear to god I am going to get whacked in the face by them.

On Saturday I ran for a WHOLE MINUTE on the treadmill. Big whoop, I hear you say, but this is me we’re talking. 12 months ago it took me nearly half an hour to do a mile on the treadmill. Now my sis and I pick a treadmill side by side and do our little intervals. For the first 2 minutes of the interval we were walking flat out sooo fast then I said "wonder how much higher you have to put it so you have to run?". So we tried it out. Next thing we’re running along! Woohoo! It felt fantastic! I could feel my huge arse sproinging away like a couple of big jellies but I didn’t care. It was fun. When we finished the 30 minutes of cardio I said, "Now that was FUN!"

FUN? I can’t believe I said running and walking like a mofo was FUN. It’s amazing how things change.

So there’s a Big Family Event mid-October, which pisses me off greatly coz I wasn’t planning on seeing anyone til Christmas, when I thought by then surely there’d be a discernable difference in my appearance. Oh well. I doubt they’d have noticed anyway. I have to keep asking myself, are you doing this for yourself or are you doing it to be noticed? Well BOTH, I am sick of people acting like I am invisible just coz they don’t want to deal with my appearance. DEAL WITH ME, DAMMIT!

Oh I hope you don’t all mind me going back to my usual kind of entries, don’t think I am not thinking of you guys over there in the States. I do care a great deal and have been emailling some of you and hearing your thoughts. You’re a great bunch, you people, and more than I ever I value that you come here and you communicate with me and we get a little dialogue happening. If there’s any ideas you have about this place and how I can make it more interesting, be sure to let me know. Anyway, I’m thinking of yas.

In other news, you’ll be happy to know I’ve cut down my McFlurry consumption. That was getting way out of hand.

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