Save The Whales

I have issues with Scary Bastard, one of my gym instructors. He a wonderful instructor; slightly aggressive but in a fun, teasing kind of way. He really makes us work hard and is a stickler for technique, which is good. But I hate how he never makes eye contact with me. He makes eye contact with plenty of other people, and not just the nubile blondes down the front. He says hello to the old grannies and the scruffy guys. But he never ever looks my way. He never corrects my form. He never tells me to kick harder ot to squat deeper as he prowls around the class.

Of course this fuels my paranoia. As I huff and puff beneath the barbells, my little brain is seething. What the hell is wrong with ME buddy? Why won’t you acknowledge my presence? Is it because I am usually (still, after all this effort) the biggest person in the room? Is it because I am freakishly uncoordinated? Is it because my clothes are old and two sizes too big and I don’t look the part? Is it because you think I don’t belong there? Why? WHY? Huh huh huh?

I must learn to channel this petty rage into my workout. Thighs of Steel shall be mine.

I’ve been feeling like a big fat Blobby McBlob lately. While my body is the smallest it’s been for almost a decade, I wouldn’t have a clue what it looked like under the great flapping tents of my clothes. They’re getting a bit problematic. I came over here six months ago with just one suitcase, it’s surprising how little 20 kilos of luggage amounts to. I had bugger all clothes in the first place – a pair of jeans, three pairs of pants and about 5 tops. Wearing the same outfits for work and play over six months means they are starting to look a little ratty. To make it worse, I’ve lost about ten kilos in that time, which means everything I bought over is now getting too big. Even that size 18 suit I babbled on about is getting baggy. My gym pants got too big, so now the tracksuit pants I wear to bed are also serving as workout gear. So basically whether it’s work or gym, I look like a blob. SEX-AY!

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the concept of Working Holiday visas, but the idea is you come to the UK, work a wee bit, travel a wee bit, and so on. I’ve only managed to find temporary sort of jobs, and we’ve plowed all our paltry income into rent and travel. Oh we’ve had a great time, but bloody hell, I look like SHIT! My mum keeps asking me When Are You Going To Find A Nice Scottish Boy, but it’s hard to be sexy when you’re constantly hauling your jeans up and your boobs are slopping all over the place.

Anyway, things will get better. My sister and I have both found jobs again and have budgeted November as the time in which we will buy new gym pants and get a haircut. I used to get my hair cut every five weeks; it has now been five months. What a shock to the system for someone who used Cool Haircuts as means of diverting attention from a Fat Arse! Hehe.

One tiny thing that I must moan about it is the Sports Bra Situation. The Girls are swimming. I think I need a couple of sizes smaller, there’s just no support at all. It’s gotten so bad and painful that I was holding my chest whenever we had to run or kick in Body Combat class. Now if it was real combat, how fearsome would I be? Beware the Flying Blubbery Boobs of Destruction! Hiiiyyyah! My enemies would run for the hills! But in my dinky little class it means I am not getting in a good workout because it’s too bloody uncomfortable.

After Robyn’s testimonial, I decided to go for an Enell Sports Bra. Industrial strength scaffolding, how could I go wrong? So I’d been so good saving up my pennies to buy one. But there was an Incident down at the Bank, and I was overdrawn for half a day and the bank charge happened to be the same amount as the bra. Waaah! So for the past three weeks I’ve not done any Combat at all. My cardio has been limited to walking.

I know I don’t deserve any sympathy as I voluntarily moved to the UK and into certain poverty, but if anyone reading happened to win the lottery this week or would like to donate to the Supress The Breasts Of Dietgirl Fund, I’d love to hear from you!

Hope you’re all having a great week!

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7 thoughts on “Save The Whales

  1. Wow, congrats on the new job! I have read you for a while, and think you are great.

    I have found that getting new clothes is really key to feeling better about what I have lost… the old clothes, even when they hang, still make me feel kind of dumpy, so I really empathise with what you are saying.

    Have you investigated clothing exchanges? My friend, who has done weight loss surgery and goes through sizes very fast, is involved in one with other WLS patients here in America. Basically, you put in an article of clothing and can request another one like it that someone else has posted but that is in your size. There might be a UK equivalent (hers only ships in the U.S.). That might not work, though, if you don’t have a lot to start with.

    The sports bra is so essential! I have actually sustained injury (nothing serious) from not wearing one, so I am pretty religious about it now.

    Good luck!

  2. I’m so glad that I can leave comments now! I found your site a few weeks ago and I really enjoy it. Your writing is fresh and clever, and your wild successes inspire and challenge me.

  3. I bought one of the Enell bras that Robyn recommended. However, I was mighty pissed off when UK customs added 12 pounds to the original (very expensive) cost – and for one measley little sports bra! But I still think it was worth the expense because I´ve not been able to find a decent sports bra in the UK. I think we were pretty spoiled for choice in NZ.
    Congrats on losing extra weight since you got here – most antipodeans seem to put loads on!

  4. Comments! Well it’s about bloody time. But now you must slap up a paypal link and start a “support my boobies” bra campaign. You know you want to…

  5. Hey – I need to get me one of them UK work visas. I wish they were nicer to Americans that way. I agree with Kat – slap up a boobie fund link. You never know, some pervert might buy you a few sports bras. Oh and… I meant to tell you that you look pretty fucking normal in your most recent photo! If I saw you on the street, I wouldn’t thing fat at all!

  6. For what it’s worth, I use one of the Anna Kournikova Shock Absorber sports bras (I think I got it at BhS on Princes Street) and it’s comfortable and holds everything in place – a first for me. I think it cost about 12 pounds about a year ago, which sounds cheaper than this Enell thing anyway. I’m a 36DD, which I think was the second biggest size – don’t know what you are these days (probably smaller than me, by the sound of it – well done!) but they had a decent range of sizes then.

    I’ve been back in Scotland almost 2 weeks and still haven’t got myself to a Balance class. Or anything. Grrrr. This could turn into a backslide if I’m not careful.