I Want To Live In America

The muck continues to flow from my nose, and the coughs just keep on coming, so I skipped the gym again last night. I was twitching to go back but every time I went to practice some moves my head felt so fuzzy I thought I’d keel over, so I stayed in and read my Slimming magazine.

I am determined to go back on Monday though, dammit. I am having Body Jam withdrawls. You know you’re addicted when you practice dance steps at the bus stop. My sister and I gave a nice performance outside the supermarket the other night. It was one of the hiphop tracks, made all the more authentic by my three-sizes-too-big jacket and Dangerous Thug woollen beanie.

Anyway, back to Slimming magazine. I rush out and buy it every month so I can spend an evening comparing  myself to the success stories, stewing in my feelings of inadequacy and envy. That woman lost 5 stone in 6 months?! Why can’t I lose that quick? Or she started losing at the same time I did, so why aren’t I done yet? Or, she is WAY too skinny now. Or, look at the way she’s posing, she’s hiding her bat-wing arms. Or, her calves are still huge. Or, she hasn’t done any exercise, so I may be taking longer but at least I’ll be more toned.

Or every now and then I might actually read one of these stories and say, "Oh cool, good for her, that’s great!".

Numbers are evil, this much we all know. Why just the other day I was waiting at the bus stop all innocent-like, and a great big number 3 and 7 came up behind me and demanded I hand over my purse.

No, really. If we’re not getting distraught about the scale it’s the sizes on our clothing labels. Still, when the numbers go down one can’t help getting excited. The other day my sister got some clothes from a mail order place. She’d ordered a size 14 top and it was too big for her. That’s when we realised the clothes were American sizes, not British. I tried the top on for a laugh, and blow me down, it fitted perfectly.

It was a bizarre experience, I stood there gawking in the mirror, saying, "Holy CRAP! My tits are enormous! Where did they come from?". I was getting all upset until my sister pointed out that they were the same bazookas as before, just my decreasing waist meant they were more distinct these days. Also my other tops are getting a bit baggy around the waist, so I couldn’t really see my shape until I wore something that fitted properly.

Anyway. Bloody hell, kids. I want to move to the States. The numbers are much better for ones self esteem. I remember when I arrived in the UK a year ago, I was wearing my plus-size 18 clothes from Australia – so I nearly had a nervous breakdown at H&M when I could barely squeeze into Brit a size 24.

These days, I generally fit into a (non-plus) size 18 (in some of the more generous stores the 18 is getting roomy). But in good ol’ USA, dude, I could get myself into a 16! Or a 14 as in the case of the Hello Boobies top. I could really see that helping me keep my will to live when I hit the shops. In Britain they seem intent on destroying my soul.

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14 thoughts on “I Want To Live In America

  1. Hey! I have been reading you blog for a few months, but I never dared to write. My name is Natisi, I’m 16 and I live in Buenos Aires Argentina. I want to thank you because I love your posts, and to tell you that I really andmire you. Last year I lost 25 kilos, and had only 4 to go, when I got depressed and started to binge. I gained all that weight back in only 3 months, and now I can’t start again, I’m still waiting for the right moment. But in the meantime, your posts really make me feel like I can do it, and I really thank you for that. Also I would like you to update your pictures, I really want to see some new!
    NaTiSi

  2. Like she said. I’ve lost 57lbs sofar (26kg), still have 20(9kg) to go, and it’s nice and witty people like you who helped me do it. Learning, people, that’s the damn key to it. Learning to listen to your lil body, to ackowledge what you’re doing, to plan what you’ll be doing next. And have fun (most of the time) doing it. You taught me that.
    Go, lovely DG, go ! You’re f*cking cool, woman !
    Damn I’m so full of love today 🙂

  3. love makes the world go round.

    chocolate makes my ass go round.

    thanks you lovely people!

  4. I love your site and agree with most everything you say. You have a great attitude to losing weight – and a sense of humour with it! Good luck with the rest, I’m sure you’ll do it.

  5. I completely know how you feel :D, I’m from the UK (though I’m studying in Sweden right now) and when I’m talking on American sites/boards I have to put two sizes UK 18-20 (US 16-18). It makes me happy to think in US sizes.

  6. After, I’d lost a mass of weight and could fit into current US size 10 jeans (stretch fabric, but still!), I found a pair of jeans, circa 1980, in my dresser (also sized 10) and thought I should be able to squeeze into them. Nope… impossible. Aproximately 2 sizes too small.

    I guess American clothes manufacturers or retailers decided that making woman feel thinner by altering the sizes would sell more clothes. It is all just numbers, but it’s amazing how it can make a difference in your attitude. LOL

  7. It’s so funny (and rather insidious) how much American clothing manufacturers want us to feel good about buying a larger size. As long as we’re buying, they could care less if we haven’t exactly “earned” the size we wear. But on the other hand, it’s not so funny when you consider how large our rears are getting… But hey, at least we can feel good about the size of our jeans! Dammit, the U.S. has to be good for something, right?

    Anyway, you make me laugh out loud at my desk. Tell us more about this Slimming magazine. (We don’t have it in the States.) What a funny title–almost like just reading it will make you skinnier!

  8. I live in the rest of europe and we have different sizes. The problem is that our sizes are smaller then the french for example so shoping in France is impossible, very depressing.

    But I know what you are talking about cause when I ordered clothes I really had to force myself to not order too big clothes. I could feel a drive forcing me towards the bigger sizes.

    No I have to send back 2 things, one cardigan that was way too small but it was a small design and I dont have the body for that.

    But clothes is really a good proof that things are really changing.

  9. H&M are completely inconsistent when it comes to sizing. I have stuff from there ranging from a 14 to a 20 – all of which seem to be the same if you lay them flat, even allowing for different styles. I think of myself as a 16 normally.

    I totally agree about the psychological boost from American sizing, though. The GAP do it too – pity it’s all so expensive, except if it’s in the sale…

  10. anne – no slimming mag in that states? aww. they have it Oz too, i’ve been reading it since i was about 10 years old. it’s full of success stories and every issue has at least two new diet plans it it. it’s actually a good read, i mean the diets are nutritionally sound, nothing extreme.

    hanna – euro sizes! oh yes, that’s another thing altogether. it’s funny with this push towards globalisation, there’s no talk of Universal Sizes. Hehehe.

    kristen – i’m glad i’m not alone with the ol’ H&M… such a love/hate relationship with that bloody place

  11. And you know what, for the same size, some brands will fit tightier… thats mad, geez !