Pina Coladas

Last night my lovely Scottish boy and I were poking around on the internet, catching up on news while we had been away in Spain. At one point I closed the browser window and my email program popped up behind it. It was open to a Dietgirl New Comment Posted notification email. My heart nearly stopped as I saw him looking at it. I wanted to lunge for the mouse and close the window but how pathetic would that have looked? He was pretty sleepy so I don’t know if he took it in, the URL was there for the world to see.

Now I am at work and he is back at my place having a wee sleep-in. I am trying not to panic thinking of him cranking up my iBook and typing in www.dietgirl.org and seeing this site.

I don’t know why I never mentioned it to him, lord knows I’ve hinted a million times. He knows I submitted some chapters for Erin’s book but I never explained how I happened to become involved – he reads my non-fat blog and you wouldn’t see the connection from there. I just never got round to telling him about how far I have come with this weight loss caper. The other day I was totally out of clean undies and had to put on this old pair of size 22 ones that almost come up to my boobs, we were having a laugh at how silly they looked and I said, "These used to fit, you know." I told him I’d show him a Before picture sometime, but I conveniently forgot about it.

I found out the other day he weighs just 73 kilos (160 lb). I told him I weighed more than that and he wouldn’t believe me. Arrgh! I doubt I will ever weigh that much. I know he’s a lean mean machine and I am a curvy build by nature, but jeez! When I think about the twenty-something kilo difference between us I start feeling like a heiffer. Sometimes he’ll try to lift me up and I squirm away shrieking, "Nooo! You’ll break your back!" and he’ll say I’m being too harsh on myself. But little does he know!

It’s all completely irrational because he is the loveliest thing you could hope to meet and totally rules the school. He is always kind and supportive to me regardless of whether I am being all vigilant about healthy eating or ripping into a bar of chocolate. I am sure if he found this site he’d be just as proud of me as I am of myself. But I still feel funny about him seeing those Before pictures, my weight on the sidebar, years of archived struggles with depression and bitching and Issues. I think it’s coz I feel guilty for holding back on something thats been such a big part of my life, I have been quite sneaky and secretive about it all. I guess it just takes time to feel ready to share certain pieces of yourself.

Och well. If you’re reading m’love, HELLOOOOO!

. . .

Despite all I’ve said above, can I just say the following one more time. I am not obsessed with weight loss, I am not always preoccupied with The Fat. While I was away I received a few emails on this topic. It’s been suggested that if I took away the time and energy fretting over it, there would basically be nothing else in my life.

This is absolutely not the case. I have plenty of other things that fill my time. Must I list all my non-fat hobbies for you? I love travel, I love writing, photography, pina coladas and long walks on the beach. I have many friends that I spend time with and when we go out to the pub I do not shred my napkin into a million pieces coz I’m worrying about the calories.

This is weight loss blog. Thus the writing herein is largely on the topic of weight loss. If you bought a book about birdwatching, would you flip through the chapters and say, "Dude, this is just about birds! Is that all the author bloody thinks about?". Of course you don’t, it’s a publication with a specific purpose.

Writing these entries takes up about twenty minutes of my life, once or twice a week, or less. That leaves a shitload of days and hours and minutes full of life that is occupied by other things. It just happens to be that I like to write my way through the blur of thoughts in my head and this, thanks to the interaction with you lovely folks, has become my favoured medium for doing so.

. . .

Anyway, I am back from Valencia where I remembered what it felt like to feel sunlight crawl over your bare arms so deliciously. We did sooo much walking as our hotel was miles from anywhere. I also ate relatively well and enjoyed FRESH LOCAL PRODUCE instead of some shrink-wrapped Kenyan cucumber like you get here in Britain. Hehe. I have logged back into WLR and I’m ready to get back on track.

So how’re you doin’?

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20 thoughts on “Pina Coladas

  1. Can it be happeneing that I post a first comment on dietgirl’s latest…There are normally 16 or 23 comments before I get there!
    Nice to see u back, the holiday with all the pina coladas, fresh produce and long walks sounds so great…I’ll have next holiday in July *snif*

  2. I’m sure he would be completely understanding and supportive BUT what a close call!! I would freak out. We all have little things we hide, I think. It’s what allows us to keep our individuality.

  3. Whether he finds the site or not, all that history went into making you the glorious creature that he fell in love with. While the past might be strange and lumpy and a bit embarrassing, it’s your past and it’s part of you. If he can’t embrace that, he’s clearly a knob of the highest calibre (although I’m sure he’d have no problem with it at all, he sounds like a total sweetie.)

    I can understand your frustration at being perceived as obsessed with this. It annoys me too. Yes, I’m conscious about my weight but clearly I’m not obsessing if I’m stuffing handfuls of lollies into my gob, am I? 😛

    Your holiday sounded blissful. What I wouldn’t give…

  4. have you no poetry in your soul? you’re supposed to like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, not walks on the beach. Tsk.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s not completely open with her other half about her blog. My OH kind of knows I blog, but as far as I know he’s never read it. Even tho the link’s sitting there on my desktop, being the kind of person he is, I don’t think he’d fire it up and read it behind my back. Because he’s basically a kind good honest person and not a sneaky diary-reading nosey parker like meeeee. Lordy if I knew he had a blog I’d read it obsessively every day.

    Oh and people who email you and say you’re too obsessed with dieting should just Feck Off. What are they doing reading a blog called ‘Diet Girl’, if they’re down on dieting? Dur.

  5. Ha my sweetie does the same thing with picking me up….I am like Noooo you’ll hurt yourself, and he says I’m crazy. I say something about, I’m obese…and he gets mad as he says no your not!! Then tells me how beautiful I am! What good guys we have 🙂

  6. Im the same as you
    I dont like to talk about my weightloss issue outside of my diary and I dont. I go so far as I really dislike when people are trying to talk to me about it. It is non of there business.

    I baked your muffins the other day. I dont know how they tasted cuase I havent tasted any yet. But my staff liked them just fine *L*. The problem I had was that it never said in the recipie when to add the bananas so I just chucked them in and it worked just fine *S*. Thanks for it, I will taste one this weekend on my eating day *S*

  7. Tell those wankers who write you to complain about your “diet obsession” that maybe they shouldn’t be obsessed with writing to innocent keepers of blogs!

    If you’re obsessed, I’m obsessed but we’re not – we’re just concerned that one day we’ll wake up unable to get out of a chair because our bodies love to gain wieght. For those skinny folks who don’t understand that – what the hell are they doing reading this blog?

    I’d cry if you quit this blog – it makes me laugh and keeps me aware of the sneaky effects of chocolate. Please don’t stop!

  8. There’s this thing called the fat acceptance movement. Well, that is what it’s called in the U.S.; don’t know what they call themselves elsewhere. Some of these people can be pretty obnoxious, taking it as a personal insult to themselves when someone else decides to set about losing weight. God forbid the dieter actually succeeds in losing the weight, never mind keeping it off.

    Methinks they doth protest too, too much. But hey, what do I know? I voted for Kerry.

    So you and the hunky one went to Valencia, huh? What a life!
    😉

  9. Hooray for sunshine! I bet you feel so rejuvenated just feom seeing SUN in the middle of a Scottish winter. I’m not sorry to have escaped the Edinburgh Winter Gloom, I jsut miss the atmosphere sometimes. Southern California is pretty culture-light by comparison.

    It does look as though you’re now being stalked by a bunch of fat acceptance gurus. It’s a good concept, the loving of one’s body, but a lot of them take it so far as convincing themselves that all the health concerns are fashion-industry propaganda. It just goes to show that there’s all sorts of nuts out there, unfortunately some of them try to inflict their nuttiness on unwilling victims!

  10. Laughing with you at feeling like a ‘heifer’ compared to your boy – my DH only weighs about 55kg soaking wet (he’s Indonesian, and tiny!) so at one point I weighed more than DOUBLE what he did. EEEP. Now I still weigh 33kg more than him, so, welcome to the herd. Moo! 😛

    I also have issues with people in my life (my DH included) reading my weight-loss blog. My DH is the only one who knows about it, and thankfully he isn’t actually that interested in reading it, unless I mention him! 😛 He married me before I started on this mission to lose weight though, so it’s a little different to you I guess…

    Although one thing he doesn’t is like me bagging myself out about how big I was before (like my snide comments about my ‘before’ photos). He thinks I should be nicer to myself about it all. He says I was beautiful then and I’m beautiful now, there’s just less of me. I bet your man would be the same? 😉

    As for those people who get so upset about you ‘obsessing’, I wonder if it’s just because you make them feel uncomfortable about their own issues…the fact that they feel the need to lecture people about ‘body acceptance’ looks like they have real issues with people trying to lose weight! Anyway to those people I say: ‘If you don’t like what you’re reading, it’s simple – click the little box with the X in the top right corner’ 🙂

  11. Obsessed – what absolute bollocks. You’ve answered that one perfectly so I’ll rant no more, just wanted to share my exasperation.

    Luvie, I missed your updates while you were away. Good to have you back.

  12. When I read a lot of your posts I feel as though I’ve written them or you are talking about me and this one is no exception. My fiance’ weighs less than me and for some reason it’s just ‘not right’ in my head. I can’t wait for the day that I weigh less…even 1 kg less! He too tries to pick me up and I freak out. I hate it so much and him touching my belly…yuck! I’m dreading him trying to carry me over the threshold!

    Glad you had a great time away….aaahh Valencia, remember it well!

  13. I weighed almost the same as my hubbie at one point- but he in over 30cm taller than me and a big guy as well so it made me feel like a big blob. as for him carrying me across the threshold hahahahaha.

    The weather is lovely down here and we are thinking of doing the whole uk thing so I don’t know how I will handle the weather up there!
    Glad you had a fab time.

  14. LOL at the entries above!! Quin.. loved the comment about the fat acceptance movement.

    DG – you rock. Don’t for one second worry about being obsessed with dieting. Of course you are not, you simply want to live to see your grandchildren’s children and not drop dead from morbid obesity! How can anyone ever be critisised for that! Love your journal!

  15. I would say that I find you obsessed with life and not dieting. What I understand and feel through reading your blog has always been a thirst for life, health, movement, feelings. I have always felt that diet is just the vehicle to go where you want.

    I’m glad you had a great time in Valencia. It is a gorgeous town, innit?

  16. Hi DG!

    I’m so glad you’re back and that you had a great time.

    I think you should just go ahead and tell your Scottish Boy about your before weight and perhaps the blog. *shrug* He obviously doesn’t care, and you should be PROUD of how far you’ve come. I know I’m proud of you and I don’t really even know you.

  17. It’s totally understandable, although, yes, I’m sure SB wouldn’t react badly. But I know what you mean. I haven’t started a blog mostly out of anxiety that my family would read it.

    I am certain that I weigh more than my boyfriend. This despite the fact that he won’t weigh himself, because he thinks _he’s_ overweight. This is a man whose stomach is concave (sickening, isn’t it?) and who is definitely on the slender side. I wish he would find out what he weighs so I could tell him what his BMI is and that it’s perfectly fine – unlike mine.

    The only time he’s ever tried to lift me was when we were walking in his hometown and he said ‘There’s a nice view of the cathedral from here’ but I couldn’t see over the hedge. Before I knew it he had grabbed me around – well, the hips – and hoisted me skywards. It was most alarming! I did get to see the view though.

    I can lift him, no bother.

  18. Love your site. You write so openly and you’re just good damn fun. Loved your analogy using the bird book. Fucked if I don’t get loads of stupid comments about how obsessed I am with losing fat and counting calories… uh… yeah- not like I talk about or write about that stuff the other 23.5 hours of my days- that is what the journal is for! Heh. Good to have more of us out here…

  19. DG, you don’t have to justify. I don’t know why anyone would go to a blog called Diet Girl and then chastise you for being on-topic. These same people would probably turn around and chastise someone who has a weight loss blog but talks about other things for NOT remaining on-topic. Sometimes, you just can’t win.

    It’s hard for some people to eyeball the weight thing. For some people, 20 pounds is 4 sizes, not one size… they can’t concept the idea that you might look basically “normal” but still weigh quite a bit more than average.

    If they could see how dense your bones were and how much muscle under there that makes up your weight, they might reconsider.

    I used to get the same thing from boyfriends, and eventually starting telling them that I just didn’t feel comfortable, and it was upsetting, and they backed right off. I think they were thinking I was being playful or something, that I was saying no but really wanted them to do it.

    🙂