Cake is Sexy

My greatest runs of weight loss are always when I write down what I eat.  This year I've gone through phases of dilgently filling in my Slimming Magazine 2004 Diet Diary, then getting cranky with it and giving up.  There's columns for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks and calories, but no space for exercise.  Or water consumption.  Or random drivel.

I was ferreting around in the Skinny Daily archives, reading all JuJu's entries in the Journal category, and then it hit me.  I didn't need a structured diary, I needed a big sprawling book of blank pages where I could run wild.  My weight loss caper doesn't fit into neat little boxes.  I don't want to write "1 apple, 4 brazil nuts".  I want to write "1 apple, 4 brazil nuts" then wax lyrical about what time it was when I ate, what mood I was in and what colour socks I had on.  This weight loss thing is such an emotional, complex thing for me, and until now I had been attempting to journal in tiny little Weight Watchers trackers or online calorie counters or the Slimming Diet Diary.  It doesn't suit my style at all. 

It didn't occur to me before that I could take a less regimented approach.  For some reason I thought there was some unwritten Sacred Rule that you had to be all official-like.  But thanks to JuJu I've decided to be more organic.  I went to Paper Tiger and bought myself a large Moleskine journal with graph paper inside.  Moleskines are oh so trendy these days, but I've been using them for years – they're the only notebooks that I've ever actually completely filled and didn't toss away halfway through coz I was bored of them.  Best of all, they always open flat, no matter where you are in the book.  They are just so comfy and easy to write in.

Anyway, I've decided to be unstructured yet structured.  On the first page I wrote "This Week" and wrote a few Mini Missions, concerning running and water intake and wearing my pedometer.  On the next page I wrote the date, then:

EXERCISE:
STEPS:
WATER:

Which is pretty self explanatory.  I can fill that in at the end of the day and get an overall picture in a Bridget Jones "units consumed" sort of way. Then underneath I just wrote down what I ate.  Below that is where it gets crazy, I crap on and on about how I felt and what I craved and when.  So far it is working brilliantly, I am getting back into that beautiful mindset where I think about what I eat instead of this mindless grazing I've been doing for months and months.

Last night I stayed at my Lovely Boy's house.  It is his birthday today and I am cooking him dinner.  Last night I was making the birthday cake in advance while he was in the recording studio with his mates – thus leaving me alone with cake batter, the bastard.  Normally if I creamed butter and sugar together I'd be sticking in my finger to taste, same goes for the block of Green & Blacks 70% Dark Chocolate melting on the stove.  Then I'd no doubt lick the bowl afterwards.  But tonight I kept thinking of my journal and didn't want to spoil the page by having to write "6.30PM – Half a cup of butter, sugar and raw eggs".  I made sure I had the sink full of hot water and washed the bowl right away.

The smell of the finished cake was incredible — Dense Chocolate Loaf a la that saucy minx Nigella Lawson.  I was so aching to pick away at the cracked top but thought of my journal and my sister back home.  My sister is on an incredible roll at the moment, losing weight and exercising religiously.  I am happy for her but intensely jealous.  She knocked on my door at 5.55 AM yesterday to see if I was ready for our run.  I said "NO!" and dived under the covers.  "No worries, I'll go on my own," she says.  This of course spurred me into action and I was dressed in 2 minutes.  So last night I thought of her motivation streak as I stood over the chocolate cake.  I went and got my journal and sat on the couch, writing a new heading "Mantra of the Week – Would Your Sister Be Eating That?"

So this journal is all over the place (just like THIS journal), but it is helping.  I've realised where I have been going wrong.  I do well while I am at home with my sister, but as soon as I am on my own or with The Boy I let things slip.  He got home at 10PM and we ended up having a slice of cake, even though the birthday isn't til today.  But when someone comes home and tells you you're gorgeous and a domestic goddess and is generally happy to see you, it is hard to remember you're trying to drop 20 kilos.  Oh fuck it, cake is sexy. Let's eat cake.

But I wrote that down in my journal today.  Just because I feel truly loved by someone for the first time in my life doesn't mean I have a green light to get lardy.  Hopefully by keeping track of all this sprawling information, I can get back to that place where I was making considered decisions about what I ate.  That's the place where I lost some serious weight. 

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13 thoughts on “Cake is Sexy

  1. Oh, and good on you with the journal. I keep meaning to use my blog for that, but life keeps getting in the way.

    And remember, Annoying Woman is only projecting her own insecurities on you. Yes, she’s annoying, but deep down, she’s just pitiful.

  2. I am one page away from filling up my Moleskine food journal and I have a new one waiting. I love it, in part because it doesn’t scream FOOD JOURNAL. I can take it out in a restaurant and not feel like a dieting dork (even if that is what I really am).

  3. Next time the woman pisses you off about her no bread lifestyle, do your best Dr G voice about the value of fibre and ask her how her poos are.

    And fuck the guilt about cake. Boyfriend’s birthday cake only happens once a year.. and that’s 365 days you have to burn it off before the next one comes along…

  4. ladymistree, you’re smutty and i love it!

    christina – so true! the moleskine makes one look sorta intellectual, too. or like you have great important secrets hiding in the book!

    jovey – hilarious! i will do a dr g, great idea! oh i full intend to eat the cake, i was just trying to limit it to his actual bday. we’re having it with strawberries and cream tonight. it being the cake. ha ha!

  5. I dont know what kind of journal that is, we dont have it here. But for me it is the same. I do best when I fill out what I eat. But I have this site where I fill out all my food and then it calculates for me how many calories and what vitamins etc Ive had. It is good cause I cant fool myself there. Even if I eat bad but with in the calories it will show cause the vitamins will be very low and I can tell that it is not good for me.

    I have one eating day a week though. That is my way to survive and manage. I have Sundays cause the next day it is a work day again and Im back to work and on track. Tried Saturday but then I pig out on Sunday too. So when I feel needs and urges during the week I can think “on sunday I can have that”. Then when Sunday comes I dont want everything I was craving for during the week.

    Like today I was at my sis and “watered” her birds and opened the fridge and it was this large chocolate bar there. It was screaming to me but then I thought on Sunday I can have it so I went home and had my not too exciting dinner but then when Im not hungry the cravings are not there either.

    but another thing
    Send that women over to me. Im so good at bitching *grin*. I hate when people talk about there diets. I never do that to others and dislike when they ask me. This is my project and Im not interested in theres then I will ask. And havent she read that it is good with oliv oil, we need fat to loose fat. And if she is on Atkins isnt that about fat as well?

    Its good that she dont want to eat that food cause it was not for her she is welcome to eat her own food.

  6. Once again you voice what we all have in our heads!
    I have a journal,but it has an excercising woman on the front.Not exactly inconspicuouse.And well,others look like I’m writing my love life down…Now I want to find an ‘intellectual’ one so I am not ashamed to carry it around.

  7. Another great entry woman 🙂 I’m with ladymisstree, I sure hope after the yummy cake there was yummy sex involved thereby zeroing out the yummy cake 🙂

    I’ve tried keeping journals throughout the years and something happens, the best ones so far have been my blogs – I’ve been going at it since 2001 – best run yet, lol.

    But then again, sometimes you just can’t or don’t want to post the monotonous(sp) daily riggers of life. I mean today was hard to post about because it was the same as yesterday but with exercise.

    Find your groove thang ms.DG – I can’t wait to read one day that you are at goal 🙂

  8. Great posting once again!! My food diary is very bohemian as well – I just hate bureaucracy and too small boxes. I write down what I ate, what time and what I felt – just like you planned 🙂 Works wonders for me. Have a nice weekend dearest dietgirl!

  9. That woman should mind her own business. Just because she has a loser life doesn’t mean she has to put other people down. Peole who have miserable lives like others to feel the same. By the way Olive oil is actually rather good for you its cosidered a good fat like avacado. Any one who eats baby type food has no life. she must be on alow carb diet with the no bread I bet shes constipated from lack of fibre. Some people are full of themselves. Shes stuck up cause she shit. Stupid lady. Yor continue having fun and filling your body with what it feels like. its no one elses business! be proud and stay that way. 😀