Fat Girl Freakout

Hello groovers. Happy Valentines! A big slobby kiss to you all.

So I got the wedding frock! I will stop short of describing the actual thing because I have a sneaking suspicious that the Scottish Companion knows about the site.

(Incidentally, I will have to tell him anyway, because en route to the honeymoon I'll be staying with Jillian, a kickarse chick I met through here! I am dead excited about that, but at this stage I told him we met "through my blog" but neglected to specify which one. Time to come clean, methinks.)

ANYWAY. You know what it's like when you shop when you've lost a bit of weight. Your brain struggles to catch up with how your body has changed. When I arrived in London on Friday night, my sister showed me a picture of this dress she'd found and thought could be a goer. I immediately said sulkily, "Well, it's too slinky, it's sleeveless and there's no way I can get into anything from that shop."

Sis rolled her eyes. "How about we LOOK and SEE."

"Fine, fine."

So we rocked up to the wee shop and I peeked in through the window, and declared we couldn't go in because the shop was empty THEREFORE the saleslady would annoy us and I would be humiliated IN MY UNDIES when she flung open the curtains to see the dress wedged somewhere around my gut.

"You told me the dress is also at the big department stores, why can't we go there so I can hide amongst the masses?"

"Nooo!" She insisted we were better off in the smaller, quieter shop; and we were just LOOKING anyway, there was no pressure. She marched inside and started riffling through the racks. She pulled something out and I said, "Oh, it's a skirt?" It looked to small to be a dress. But no, it was apparently a dress.

I started getting that Fat Girl Freakout feeling. Do you ever get that feeling? Where your heart starts pounding, your throat burns and tears spring to your eyes, because your Fat Girl Sense detects pending embarrassment and bludgeoning of self esteem. There was no freaking way I was even going to attempt to get into that! Especially not with that blonde skinny saleslady bouncing around the shop like a frisky puppy.

"Can we just go?" I begged. "Would it be so wrong to get married in jeans like Brittney Spears?"

But my sister was insistent. I was getting panicky. I flatly refused to try it on, instead I managed to persuade HER to try it on instead of me. "To test the sizes," I explained. The biggest size was a 16 and it looked nothing like any other 16 I'd ever seen. So my sis got into the cubicle and got into the frock. It was way too big for her.

"I think you should TRY," she said firmly, "There is no harm in TRYING!"

I made her patrol outside the cubicle and not let anyone in. I stepped into the dress. I was gobsmacked as it slid up over my hips… THEN my guts… THEN my boobs!

"Shit, I think this might work," I whispered.

"It's not working? Oh well, at least we tried."

"Noooo I said it MIGHT work!"

"WOOHOO! I knew it!" She threw back the curtain and jumped up and down grinning and zipped me up. It look a great effort, but not because I was too fat for it, just because it was a close-fitting dress. It fit just fine. It had little straps, but they were detachable and it looked better without them. It was evident I was going to need some seriously manipulative undergarments to make a better shape, but it actually looked pretty nice. It was sleeveless, but my arms didn't look too much like Boeing 747 wings. Especially after we added the sheer and totally subtle stole thingy. It flattered the arms without looking like serious camouflage.

"Quick, quick," I squealed as my sister danced around gleefully, "Help me get out of this now so we can go buy it before the dress changes its mind and won't let me fit into it anymore!"

My sister is such a gem, she really did find a great dress. I absolutely love it, and did not see anything else all day long in all of London that appealed half as much. It's a style that I've always loved, sort of warm and vintagey, but it's rather fitted and obviously sleeveless and a size 16 so there is no way in hell I would have ever even picked it up if it wasn't for her persuading. I dunno if I was happier about finding a gorgeous wedding dress or the fact that I got it from a Normal People's Shop. Ha ha!

That said, crikey people! If I eat ONE mouthful of anything remotely unhealthy between now and March 3, if I can one ounce, I could be seriously in trouble. Mwahaha! It fits perfectly well right now but one false move and POW! So if that's not incentive to keep up with the gymming then I don't know what is. Huzzah!

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13 thoughts on “Fat Girl Freakout

  1. EXCELLENT news!!!!!!! A gorgeous dress size 16 from the normal people shop on the first shop! Now you may consider buying a lottery ticket too!!!!
    *hugs*

  2. Awesome! So happy you found something perfect! Now you can relax and enjoy the anticipation!

  3. congratulations. I know that feeling it is the best.

    but mostly Im curious about how and why you think your “friend” have found out about this site? *S*

    god Im such a curious one

  4. you are an absolute star! many congrats on finding the frock o’ your dreams, to complement the man o’ your dreams. Your wedding is going to be absolutely rockin’, I know it will.

  5. Woohoo! I was hoping you’d go into more detail about The Frock on this blog than on wnp. It sounds gorgeous – you’re gonna look FABULOUS. Can’t wait to see photos! 😀

    Incidentally I tried to leave a comment on wnp yesterday but it wasn’t working? I might try again now 😉

  6. Woah! How fabulouso!

    Can not wait to see pics!

    You completely described my wedding dress buying experience. Cept I was in Atlanta (HOTlanta) and all the dresses had puffy sleeves and I sat in the dressing room and blubbered in sizes up to 28. I remember the ‘Fat Girl Freakout Feeling’ like it was yesterday.

  7. I fell on the floor laughing at you describing buying this on your other site! Sounds lovely!! Size 16, OMG – and you should tell SG about site – surely he’d be as proud as we are of you!!!

  8. Oh how I know that feeling. And oh how I’m getting to love shopping for clothes WITHOUT that feeling!

    You’re going to look so gorgeous, I’m sure of it. And YAY for persistant sisters!

  9. Your sister is FABULOUS. Personal shopper / arse-kicker / cheerleader…is there any end to her talents?

    I’m so chuffed for you that you got past the Fat Girl Freakout and have a lovely dress to wear.