Wednesday Weigh-In – Week Ten

So I gained half a kilo this week – I’m up to 89.8kg. I am too miserable to be arsed posting the usual list of stats. It’s not as fun when the number goes up!

There were a few days this week that I seemed to forget I was this overweight person who cannot get away with eating chocolate bars. I had not got organised with grocery shopping yet so I didn’t have good snacks for work. Instead I made trips to the vending machine. I had Mars Bars, Twirls and this strangely addictive Kinder Bueno thing.

I was in serious denial on the weekend, in my Saturday entry I said I was feeling “vague and half-hearted” about weight loss. Vague and half-hearted is one way of putting it, but being a mindless sugar pig is another! Saturday afternoon, after joining the gym, I walked to a mini supermarket in search of olives and peppers for our pasta that night. There were no peppers and this tiny jar of olives for 89p. I got all huffy and resentful, the expensive olives being a metaphor for the utter shiteness of the town I now live in. I stomped around the shop looking for something to calm me down, and then I spotted the freezer.

“AH HA!” I thought, “There is the freezer, and in that freezer is ICE CREAM, that substance that I really wanted last week but didn’t get! So now it will be mine!”

I bought one of those Mars Bar icecream bars, just to continue the Mars Bar theme of the week. It was “only” one bar, as opposed to a box, so I got another one of those Kinder Buenos in case I wasn’t satisfied with the Mars Bar.

I was walking back home, halfway up the big hill when I remembered SC was there, and all his mates were over. So I stood there scoffing down this Mars Bar ice cream, lurking behind a tree like some pervert, putting the bar down every time a car went by so people wouldn’t think I was the Greedy Fat Chick. I was so edgy that I didn’t enjoy a single mouthful, then I had to squint into car windows to see if I’d left chocolate evidence on my mouth.

I got home and pretty much lurked in the bedroom all evening after saying hi to everyone. I read my book Running Made Easy while sneaking bites of the Kinder now and then, stashing the wrapper in my handbag.

I was struck by the ridiculousness of my behaviour. What the hell was I doing? Who was this benefiting? Was this how I wanted my married life to be? Clandestine chocolate bars and foil wrappers in my undie drawer for the rest of my days?

I think I am just feeling unnerved by of all the change going on at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I am over the moon to be married to SC, but the whole moving out to his place and giving up my old routines and favourite haunts has been harder than I expected. I didn’t expect to feel so resentful. I hate having to come up with all new ways of doing things, especially in terms of weight loss – because as you know I had a cracker of a routine happening before the wedding, I had great losses and was making progress with my fitness. Now I am struggling to get the formula right. That said, scoffing down chocolate bars is NOT going to get me back on track. It’s not rebellion eating, it’s just dumb eating.

Sunday became Get My Shit Together Day. I know that only planning brings me success. So I finally ordered the groceries online, we now have a fridge full of healthy stuff. Then I emailled the lovely Mistress Julia about the 5k and she is going to send me a training plan. I decided not to wait around in the meantime – SC and I went out and did Week One Day One of the Couch to 5k programme. It was a bit rough, I found running outdoors with hills and winds so much harder than faffing on the treadmill – but I was glad I did it. SC could have gone a lot faster but he insisted on staying with me. He is so bloody sweet and encouraging, I love him to bits. His encouragement as I bitched and moaned and huffed and puffed made me feel guilty for the secret binge the day before.

Monday night I braved the new gym and went to Body Pump. It was four weeks since my last class but I am proud to say I didn’t need to reduce any of my weights. I was in agony yesterday though, and my triceps are still killing today! And we’re off for another walk/jog tonight. I still feel kinda shaky at the moment, all this new stuff seems to have dented my confidence for some reason. But I just have to keep doing these positive things. Putting down the chocolate bars, putting on the running shoes. I can do it.

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26 thoughts on “Wednesday Weigh-In – Week Ten

  1. Good post! The image of you hiding behind trees eating your Mars bar is so funny – all you need to complete the picture is a trench coat.

    I think all change is stressful, even when it’s positive change, you are handling it all very well!

  2. I have so been that person behind the tree!

    Just so you don’t feel lonely – I’ve been bingeing a bit lately too. A packet of ANZAC biscuits over the past couple of days plus a whole bag of Tesco funsize chocolate bars. I don’t even know why.

    But tonight is my weigh-in and we’ll see what the damage is and I’ll take a food diary. It’s 8 weeks until our holiday in Kos and I want to lose another stone before that. 2 pounds a week is 1 stone 2 pounds – that’s certainly do-able.

  3. Ugh, for me today it was chocolate iced donuts, crisps (see, I speak fluent UK!) and half a Lindt chocolate bunny that was supposed to be my brother’s Easter present.

    I am that sugar pig and I know what it’s like to eat secretly. Hell, the donuts nearly didn’t come home with me, I nearly scoffed them on the walk back so Ghost wouldn’t see them.

    These are habits that have been ingrained in us for years. They don’t get broken overnight. But we slowly work through the feelings that trigger them and slowly we break them.

    One day, you and I, we won’t need to scoff choccies in the dark and try to hide the evidence. And it will be a bloody relief.

  4. I’m so glad you included the link to “Couch to 5K” ! I’ve been looking for a program of that type and this one was very simple and straightforward. I may have to get a stopwatch to keep track of the 90 seconds-this-60-seconds-that-intervals, though.

  5. I don’t think that there is a soul in this part of the blogosphere that does not feel “oh this could have been me!!!” by reading this post.

    Not that I can understand why it happens when it does. But the real gain – no pun intented – is that it is so much more easily aknowledged for what it is now, and that the life of such incidents and behaviours are having a much shorter life span!

    Cheer up, with all the stress of the last weeks, all the changes, all the new things, you are doing better than great!

    P.S. Kinder Bueno is totally evil!!!!

  6. what can I say? I think all of us with weight problem can relate to how you are feeling not to mention how you were acting. Specially the hiding candy thing and pressing down icecream and candy down our throats. And the buying an extra bar just in case the trigger is still there and even if it isnt the candy is there so why not have it as well.

    but that you cant eat candy cause you are fat is just true to a point. Noone can eat that much candy and not gain weight. The problem is that thin people dont eat as much as we do when they do eat. I always look at thin people and say to myself well if they can have candy on a wendesday why cant I?? the problem is that htey just have it that wendesday while I look at someone else on thursday and think the same.

    it is just something we have to work with and you have come a long way. dont punish yourself over it see it as a learning process

  7. yes you will do it! you go and run adn have a fab time and relish in the sweet support ocming from your wonderful man.
    its almost unsettling the way you described a lot of that because its exactly what i went through almost everyday before M. found out what i was doing ( back in 2001) … guess i didnt shove the wrappers far enough to the bottom of the trash. but honestly, its better this way isnt it? we dont need to hide that crap anymore. not more little secrets, no reason to hurt ourselves for ‘revenge’
    take care you :)

  8. It’s the skills you are learning now (how to deal with change) that will help you maintain and keep a healthy weight for all your life. I wrote before that I’m having the same issues — dealing with change and trying to modify my routine. Myself and MY SC just moved across the country, I’m pregnant, and everything is totally different. But I figure if I can come up with a new workable routine, that’s half the battle. You can do it, too! Your posts about the 5K have inspired me to enter me and DH into a fun run/walk in May.

  9. YES! You can do it!

    Having a supportive husband will help so much, I had trouble adjusting to the fact that my fiance is *not* judging me if I have an extra cookie, or come home with chocolate, or if I go to a yoga class, or skip exercise for a whole month for that matter. If you’re used to being judged and nagged about food it’s such a wierd feeling to be free of it at first.

    I agree with the previous commenter though, you CAN have chocolate, the trick is learning the moderation part, chasing off the guilt that makes you scoff it down without enjoyment behind a tree (I have been there too, only I was hunching down in my car in a supermarket parking lot).

    You’ve gone through a hell of a lot of changes DG, you’ll get back on track in no time, because you are The Amazing Diet Girl. What does your superhero costume look like by the way?

  10. I can really sympathize with your feeling of resentment at having to give up your routines and such, but I trust very much that it will all work out for the best. I mean, groceries delivered to your door? How posh!

    Having lurked around this site for a good long while, I know that if anyone can turn lemons into lemonade, it’s you!

  11. Hey dietgirl,

    I just sent the Couch to 5K link to my mate who is trying to get fit and shift the lard. You might be interested in his blog, simply because he’s a bloke trying to lose weight, which I think makes his take on the whole thing kind of interesting – link to fatboypeevo.blogspot.com
    Keep up the good work though, mate!

  12. I remember what it was like just after I got married – adjusting to having another person (a male person) to account for, meshing all of your stuff together, getting used to not being able to have things exactly the way that YOU want them. I think you’re doing incredibly well to be back at the gym and I don’t think the chocky incident is anything more than a one time thing.

  13. DG-

    You have had to give up a lot lately. Your house, your gym, your routines, and your stores. You want to comfort yourself from all these changes, and the old standbys are there.

    “mindless sugar pig” is hilarious, but it broke my heart to read about you standing behind the tree.

    You have the power to embrace the changes and make it your place too. You are doing great getting back on track. We want to hear from you even when you aren’t. Couch to 5k you can do it with SC by your side!

  14. The Kinder Buenos are completely addictive and I’m so glad that I’ve never seen them here in California (and if someone has seen them – don’t tell me!).

    Everyone who’s posted is right – this is a huge, unsettling change and of course you’re going to be rocked by it now and again but it’s all worth it and you’ll figure out how to make this new situation feel more like home soon. The SC sounds like he’s more than worth it! Hang in there, you’ll be fine!

  15. Oh honey, I totally feel your pain. Forget blending the money, blending your food and eating habits is a HUGE adjustment, especially when you’re coming down after the honeymoon and trying to get used to ordinary life as a married girl. I had the opposite problem of yours: trying not to fall into Mr. Flora’s terrible eating habits now that I was sharing his space (and his junk food stash). The upside I discovered was that being married means you usually have somebody else to eat with, so it’s a lot easier to sit down for a sane, civilized dinner and there’s less of a temptation to huddle in front of the TV with your ice cream or whatever. It sounds like you & SC have been sharing some healthy meals already… My best recommendation would be to eat together as often as you can.

    Oh, and thanks for the Couch to 5K link. I’ve been thinking for years about taking up running (there’s something so freeing about moving fast under your own steam), and that program looks very, very tempting.

  16. Dude, I’d forgotten about Mars Bars icecreams. Those were awesome… but besides that. Yes, you can do it. We all got faith in ya babe to get the weight loss back on track.

  17. *blinks*

    ok, so this has been my past week too. I’m a sugarpig? Oh dear. I was always a savoury swine.

    I have to ask the same as ‘eyes wide open’, what has made you revert? Sounds a little like resenting your surroundings. I’m kinda doing the same….

    Then again, if I’m wrong, let me know.

  18. eyes wide open – well like i said in the entry, it’s the whole adjusting to being married, moving away, having to find new routines, the usual ridiculous use of food as rebellion…

    thanks for all your comments you groovers… it really really really helps to know people have been through the same crazy stuff :)

  19. Dietgirl, you’re so awesome and you’ve come so far-don’t forget that! Also, whenever I get into the routine you described (and who doesn’t, really), I try to rememeber that every day is a new day, and you don’t have to behave the same way tomorrow.
    Also, a grievance: when are you going to update the photos page? I bet your new photo would look awesome next to that first one….

  20. Yes, you are awesome. And at least you have _done_ the first bit of the Couch to 5K. I have downloaded it and not done it, which isn’t quite the same!

    Not to make excuses or anything, but I think the whole Festival Of Chocolate that’s coming up on Sunday is out to weaken our resolve. That would be why I can still taste that Tunnock’s Snowball in my mouth…

    But it was a moment of weakness. I’m NOT going to do it again, any more than you are actually going to hide wrappers in your scanties drawer. (Although I completely understand that mindset. Been there, same reasons.)

    I’ve just said to my workmate that I hope nobody gives me an Easter egg – although I suspect that my parents will. Any ideas for how to prevent yourself from eating chocolate that’s been given to you for free?

  21. You have just went through a whirlwind of change!! I would bite off my fingers if I went through all the change as quickly as you did :) I really understand the resentment issues…I’m feeling a bit of it myself since I know I’ll be making some big changes soon…and gosh darnit, why should I have to change all my routines and he doesn’t have to do crap? Ok, anyways, I’m digressing!

    Yes, you are awesome! Think of what you could have gained if you didn’t do diddily. Congrats on starting the Couch to 5K program. Good luck!!

  22. From what I have heard, most people that change their lifestyle to that of weddlyhood have a sort of postmarriage depression. It is so normal, however happy you are and you will be. For you to feel strange without you old habits and surroundings. It makes you feel insecure and hard to get into your routines. I think it was just an adaptive stage (but very funny the bit of eating hiding behind a bush). I am sure that you will now get back to those great habits that makes all us dietbloggers admire you.

    take care, be good

    Eli

  23. Hey,

    you have just gotta keep going and be positive! Imagine that your new regime is going to be even better than the original one and you will lose even more weight. I know it sucks to have to move, but don’t be like me and make up excuses for yourself to go off track. You can make it work.. look how far you’ve come :)

  24. This was such an excellent post. Imagining you hiding and eating the icecream bar reminded me of how a few weeks ago I hid and ate a snickers bar at my mum-in-law’s house. I can tell that the changes are giving you a lot of stress, and that is when a lot of people turn to eating. I hope things get themselves sorted soon so you can be back to feeling great about your weightloss.

  25. Hi Dietgirl,

    This entry popped up as I was googling the number of calories in a Kinder Bueno bar. Thank you, you’ve inspired me to eat only half the damn thing (leaving the other half to taunt me from from my file drawer…). A lot of what you said about rebelious eating struck home with me, too. And sometimes I have to remember that if I spend all those calories I burned at the gym on one candy bar, I’m not going to be very happy with my scale at the end of the week, too.

    Thanks, I’ll be checking back on a regular basis.