Whore-A-Lot

The Race for Life is SUNDAY! Oh my blood gawd! How did that get here so quickly!?

After my usual grumpy start, I was euphoric at the end of Wednesday night’s running session. There was a 5k race in our park last weekend so we’d followed the race route to see if I was capable of making the distance. And I did! Sure it wasn’t much faster than if I’d walked the whole thing, but the ground had been covered. I was over the moon. We were just walking home when a swarm of Running Club people went by. Their leader suddenly jogged over to me and said, "Hi, I’m from JogScotland. We run clinics in the park all the time and in case you’re interested in some company, we’re starting another one next week."

"Oh, that’s okay, I’m – "

"Beginners are welcome! Even if you can only run thirty seconds! Or less!"

Chit chat, chit chat, and off he went. SC and I were in hysterics. Thirty seconds OR LESS?! I’d just done forty! This is what happens when your face goes flaming red when you run. Or when you’re snailishly slow. People assume you’re in dire need of help. Hehe.

Speaking of help, if you’d like to help the very worthy cause of Cancer Research UK, you may wish to sponsor me for Sunday’s race. You can donate online with a credit or debit card. Even if you’re outside Britain, one tiny little pound would be a huge help. It all adds up very quickly! I’ve raised £160 so far and it’s really helping to motivate my lardy arse. Thanks, groovers!

I gained 100 grams this week. As my old Weight Watchers weigh-lady used to say, "You could have peed that out!".

A week of healthy eating and exercise was blemished by Black Friday. I’d already eaten my yogurt, banana and seeds for brekkie; but for some reason I thought it would be good idea to buy a scone from the Hot Roll Guy at work. It was half-stale but I still ate 3/4 of it! What a pork! Then one of my colleagues brought in Cakes and there was the irresistible Marks & Spencer Caramel Shortcakes. I calculated I’d have enough calories and fat grams left to afford one piece. So I ate it, and I loved it. But then I had another one. And a chocolate mini-roll. Yikes.

Then Friday night the Scottish Companion and I went out with an old school friend of his and the friend’s wife. There must have been some residue of being nervous about meeting new people, because I slammed down a glass of white wine very quickly. A large glass. And I don’t even like white wine. Good lord, it went straight to my head. We headed to the pub where I proceeded to tackle another glass.

Then someone decided we should shoot some pool. My problem was I’d never played pool before. I may have been drunk, and I may be The New Dietgirl Who Doesn’t Care What People Think, HOWEVER having a big stick in my hand and being asked to do something sporty is quite a different story. I am bad at following instructions at the best of times, but while slumped over a green felt table makes it even more challenging. But I managed to sink a few balls. I was distraught coz I put a red ball in the pocket when I’d been aiming for the yellow. My teammate was cheering, I asked why? BECAUSE WE WERE THE RED TEAM, that’s why. Oh. Lucky fluke!

Anyway we went back to their house and it was suggested us ladies do that old WW chestnut, the white wine spritzer. Because clearly we needed to slow down. I was sent into the kitchen to get the tonic water. Only by this stage properly mobility had deserted me, so I had to crawl on my hands and knees. I was not thinking straight. Which could explain why I thought it was a great idea when the wife put some pizza and some crispy duck pancakes in the oven for a midnight snack. I had two pieces of pizza and three little pancakes. When I woke up Saturday morning feeling quite unwell, there were six Cadbury Roses wrappers in the pocket of my jeans. Good lord.

This is why I so rarely drink. Eurrrgh! Sure I had a fun time on Friday but I hated the fatty bloated stinky feeling that came afterward. Next time I will stick to my gin and tonics as I am able to stay conscious on those. White wine is the devils liquid!

So anyway, I ate and exercise angelically for the rest of the week which is how I managed to get away with a 100g gain.

. . .

I partially blame The Compliments. I can’t remember the last time someone noticed I’d lost weight, but last week it happened twice. I let it go to my head and I think it had a lot to do with my slackarse eating. First a colleague said something nice, then on Thursday SC was outside talking to the girl who lives upstairs. He soon came running back in, "Hee hee! You’ll never guess what just happened.". Apparently the boyfriend of the girl who lives upstairs had observed from his kitchen window that SC and I have been regularly trotting out to the park and he remarked, "SC’s girlfriend has lost a whore a lot o’ weight!".

I had to get SC to repeat that sentence about six times because I couldn’t understand the garbled Scots accent, it just sounded like hooraloddawheet to me. Apparently the guy also told her, "Whatever she is doing, you should do it too!" in reference to the size of her butt. This guy spends his life pulling apart cars and putting them back together again, so I must admit I was delighted that a slightly chauvinistic creature thought I was shrinking. It seems so much more valid if a beefy bloke notices, as opposed to a sensitive mother or considerate husband. Does that make any sense?

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12 thoughts on “Whore-A-Lot

  1. good luck with your race for life on sunday! i hope you kick ass 😀 beware the wine, glad you are feeling better and got by with only 100g gain. and it makes perfect sense, getting a positive weighty comment from the manpig species is a great thing indeed 🙂

  2. Oh yes – it defenetely depends where the compliment comes from 🙂 I confessed to my girlfriend last summer that I actually found it very uplifting (arousing even, a little?) when construction workers in a hole in the middle of the street (you know these guys, with power drills and stuff) whistled at me – I blushed and looked angry (I think), but deep down it was the best compliment! And my girlfriend said she is the same but never had guts to confess to anyone /lol/

  3. Oh, I’m so excited for you about the 5K this weekend! Can’t wait to hear all the details. Congrats on your “pre-run” and isn’t it funny how people treat you with the red after-run face? I feel like people are ready to call for medical help at any moment…tee-hee.

    Your Black Friday drinking story made me LAUGH! Crawling on your knees…playing pool…what adventures! I am still giggling at “proper mobility had deserted me.” Sounds like you drank a whore-a-lot!

    As for the compliments…woo-woo! The best ones come from neanderthal strangers, don’t they? I hear you on that one!

    Kick ass, DG! I’ll be with you in spirit on Sun!

  4. Absolute sense. When a guy whom you suspect makes a habit out of objectifying women, puts you in the object catagory, it’s sort of repulive and yet still really validating.

    Good luck in the race. You’ll do great.

  5. You gotta let it hang out some time. Sounds like you had a great time and you did a heck of a job reeling it in to only gain 100 grams.

  6. Well, I’ve lived here all my life and never heard that expression… Still, I get the general idea!

    Hmmm. I wish I had only gained 100g last week… I’m planning to blame living in a house full of skinny people who consider ice cream to be a daily staple. Charming skinny people, who I love dearly, but still.

    I keep going back and checking your sponsorship total (’cause I’m nosy). Go you! Fit and a fundraiser par excellence!

  7. Does this mean you have lost a whole “whore”?

    What does SC think about that? LOL

    Good luck on your race!

  8. WOOO HOOOOOO, 5K!!!! Oh, you’ll love it. There’s nothing like coming across that finish line and having the knowledge just explode in your head: Holy shit, I just ran a race! Me! A race! I ran! Like I was a damn athlete! Me!

    I think that’s what started tipping me off the edge into actually enjoying exercise– that moment when it occurred to me that I had done something downright athletic. I’d never been that girl before. I didn’t know I had it in me. Mere exercise hadn’t made that much of a dent in my belief that I was just a fat girl doing cardio– but a race, that made it occur to me that what I did made me an athlete. A low-level beginner of a casual athlete, sure, but– dude. It’s awesome.

    I can’t wait to hear how you did and what your reactions are. Please post as soon as you can!!!

  9. By now, as I write, you have either done the 5K or you’ve collapsed in a red-faced heap and been carried away on a stretcher. I’m hoping it’s the former because damn, DG, you are one inspiring chick. You’re the one who led me to think maybe I could take on this whole running thing when you posted the Couch-to-5K link. And often when I get discouraged by how much I have left to go, I think of you and your journey. What I’m trying to say here is, we want to hear all about it! That, and congratulations, girl!

  10. Yes, I hope you had a good race and didn’t get too wet. I was wishing you well… Let us know how you got on once you’ve recovered!

  11. Congrats for Sunday. I am doing the Race for Life in Enfield on 19 June. You’ve done well with your sponsoship and I was rather impressed that ‘Greg Norman’ had sponsored you.
    I haven’t been training at all and won’t be attempting to run the whole way. In fact, I may aim for a brisk walk. But I’m also doing the Women’s challenge in Hyde Park in September so I might try training for that.
    In the distant past I have done 10km fun runs in NZ but I was much smaller then…