Stuffing Heaven

First Wednesday Weigh-In for 2006! 86.7 kg.

I was 85.3 at the last WWI on December 21, so this means a 1.4 kilo (3lb) gain over Festivus.

This may sound a lot. But in the previous year’s fesitive feeding frenzy, I managed to gain 15 pounds in three weeks, becoming one depressed and angry little shite. So it’s great to see I actually learned something from that experience. I’m proud of how I handled things and how quickly I was able to refocus.

My tactic this time round was: Eat whatever the hell I want. But only things that I really really liked, and in reasonable portions. As opposed to eating everything in vast quantities just because it was there.

It worked well. I talked to myself like a loon to ensure I made conscious choices. Oooh I enjoyed every morsel. Roast potatoes and parsnips, Kettle chips, after dinner mints, Lindt truffles, trifle, bacon avocado burger with garlic mayo fries (from Gourmet Burger Kitchen), cheese and oatcakes, stuffing cake, port, chicken roasted with butter, sage, lemon and proscuitto; and passionfruit cheesecake.

Yes, all that with no remorse, no gas, no crippling stomach ache, no guilt or loathing.

(Oooh I have to tell you about the stuffing cake! For someone who eats a largely vegetarian diet, I really enjoyed the flesh over the holidays.  The already magnificent delicious Stuffing is elevated further in a cake-like form. I got the recipe from Good Food magazine. You get some good quality sausagemeat and mix it with sauteed celery and onion. Then you chuck in parsley, thyme, orange zest, fresh breadcrumbs and a handful of chopped walnuts. You then get a round cake tin and lay down eight strips of pancetta (or streaky bacon) like spokes of a wheel. You only put about an inch of each strip on the bottom, and drape the rest up and over the side of tin. Then you put in the stuffing mixture, then pull over the long bits of pancetta on top of the cake so it looks like a lovely big pink meaty present! Whack it in the over for 45 mins then… STUFFING HEAVEN. But only make this once a year, otherwise you and your arteries will go straight to Stuffing Hell.)

After some severe withdrawal symptoms (quietly sulking on the couch for a day until the sweet sweet memory of sugar faded), I’m back on the Quorn and lentils now. Huzzah for learning from your mistakes. Even if it takes twenty years to learn.

. . .

Finally! Some resolutions.

1) Reduce Paranoia, Increase Confidence!
After reading Kathryn and Beckie’s recent entries about self-acceptance, I realised that I am finally down with the self-acceptance. I genuinely like my bod now. Yes indeed.

I recently visited a friend. We were getting ready to go out, preening in front of the mirror. God. I’m so fat, she muttered. Look at my gut! Look at it!. I gawked at my own reflection to select a flaw of my own to point out, to sort of join in. But I didn’t say a word!

Before I would have blurted on auto-pilot, "That’s nothing, look my spare tyres! And check out my flabby arse!". But now I felt perfectly happy with what I saw, and furthermore it felt wrong to trash-talk myself. Not even for sister solidarity. My bum is still a hefty bum but it doesn’t bother me anymore. I could definitely do with more toning up and dropping some more sizes, but I have just reached a point where I feel happy and don’t see the point in wasting energy on self-loathing anymore. The body’s not perfect and never will be, but it gets me around. It can run, walk, fart. It’s a marvel. Why hate it?

However. Becoming more confident with my body has made me realise I’m not entirely confident in my head. I’ve always blamed my lack of risk-taking on the blubber, but with 86% the excess gone, I know underneath I’m just fundamentally shitscared.

I need to do more with my career and writing, but fear holds me back. I need to make new friends (my sis has been away a whole year now), but I’m still reluctant. I should try all those sporty things I used to say I was too fat to do. But now the body is capable of it, the mind is freaking out!

My fears include: failure, failing, falling, looking stupid, discovering I am actually crap at something I thought I was good at, and injuring myself.

Action steps
This resolution is a bit vague because I’m not sure how you go about increasing confidence. Maybe just by throwing yourself in the deep end? Trying a few new things? Walking up to a stranger and pleading, "BE MY FRIEND!"?

I’ll start with just trying to be more social in general. To think about how am I communicating with people and what impression I am giving by being a quiet little fraidy cat. And maybe try returning emails, calling people, making conversation instead of being a passive observer. In other words, stop acting like an invisible fat person.

2) Write Like A Mofo
I always say writing is my favourite hobby, but if you looked at how I actually spend my time you’d think my hobbies were sleeping in and watching Seinfeld DVDs. So I resolve to make writing a priority instead of a half-arsed afterthought. To stop being coy and self-deprecating about it (see Resolution 1) and just admit this is what I love to do and bloody go for it.

When I wrote briefly about porridge last year, a commenter said this was uninteresting, and perhaps it was time to shut up shop if that’s what direction this blog was going to take.

After briefly pissing me off, I thought seriously about it, and realised it is a direction I do want to take. Not in place of the usual Dietgirl piffle, but as an addition. I am a nutritional nerd. I love learning about grains and calories and trans fats and fibre and vitamins, BEYOND the context of weight loss. As I’ve mentioned I am obsessed with food, where it comes from, what we do with it, how it impacts on our health and the economy and blah blah blah. I am always driving the Scottish Companion bonkers with my endless prattle about the latest book or article or recipe I’ve read.

My dream gig would to write columns about health and nutrition, like Sally Squires of the Washington Post’s Lean Plate Club. I’d make it encouraging, fun and inspiring.

This year I will be pretty absorbed with another major writing task, but to pursue this new interest, I might start a seperate food blog. I’ll prattle on about quinoa and kale and not worry if people think it’s boring! It’ll just be for fun and I’ll get some writing practice in the process. Score!

I also have to commit to writing more regularly on Dietgirl. And my non-fat blog for that matter. I just have to turn it into a habit, like going to the gym or watching Seinfeld DVDs.

Action steps
– Write for at least half an hour per day (already done it today, just pissfarting around with this stupid entry!)
– Write three blog entries a week. One for each blog, and a third on whichever one I fancy.
– Start nutrition nerd blog for own enjoyment

3) Eat Well
The same old story.

Action steps
– Keep exploring new foods (eg a new nut, seed, grain, vegie) so I don’t get bored and have something to write about
– Try two new recipes per month
– Track food every DAY, dammit!
– Sign up for regular organic fruit and vegie box deliveries

4) Keep Moving My Butt
Last years fitness goals were to run a 5k, re-learn to ride a bike and take SC’s kickboxing class. The 5k went alright. I learned to ride a bike but it was only a Spinning one that goes nowhere. And the kickboxing class closed down. D’oh!

After one Real Bike Session, we found that SC’s bike is too big for me, and until I save enough dosh for a girly one, I will continue down to road to nowhere with my RPM (Spinning-esque) classes. There will also be cameos from Body Combat and Tae-Bo. I will re-assess this when winter is over.

In terms of strength and flexibility, I will continue with my Body Pump and sign up for a new block of Pilates classes. I also want to build up to doing a full body push-up, instead of the pathetic, trembly girly knee ones I do now. And tricep dips! I can barely manage three before my arms wilt. Weakling!

Action steps
To ease back into it after Christmas inertia, I will start with these weekly targets:

– Pilates on Mondays
– RPM x 2
– Combat or Tae-Bo x 1
– Body Pump or Home Weights x 3

To be revisited in February!

There is a glaring lack of specific weight loss targets here. I vowed last year that I’d be at goal by now, but obviously I ain’t. No deadlines this year. If I keep to these resolutions, things should start happenin’.

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17 thoughts on “Stuffing Heaven

  1. I’ve been considering something along the food blog lines focusing on whole grains, whole foods, etc. If you are at all interested in a collaboration, let me know. It might motivate us more to have more serious deadlines, each other as partners in the venture, etc.

  2. DG, it’s like you’re in my head with #1, except in a different realm (for me, it’s men and relationships). I had a physical self-acceptance epiphany myself this year (gradual, not lightbulb), but for some reason it hasn’t translated into increased self-confidence. We can do this; I know we can.

  3. I read through the whole entry with one breath. Never realised it was one biggy again!
    The most amazing thing in this entry is listening to you and knowing you finally have accepted the miracle you have achieved and also hear how happy and composed you sound!
    In the words of a great woman…HUZZAH!!!!

  4. I would soooooo read a food-geek blog written by you! You are indeed “encouraging, fun and inspiring!” I love that you’ve kept your sense of humor about it all. So often successful dieters become positively GRIM and dictatorial, the body equivalent of reformed smokers. Have a fantastic year, DG — thx always for sharing with the rest of us!

  5. Mmmm, food bloggy goodness. You know what? There is a distinct lack of good blogs written by foodies that have the diet conscious in mind. The sort of blogs that scoffs at the idea of using low fat evaporated milk and coconut essence in Thai cooking (I mean, REALLY people…) and just figures out ways to make nummy food out of REAL ingredient that isn’t horrifically full of fat.

    There’s something in that you know…

    Oh, and I’m going to kill you for that stuffing cake idea. Mmmmm, stuffing cake…

  6. Add my name to the list of frequent future readers of your food geek blog. I wish I’d thought of it first, frankly. I’ve spent the day ripping recipes I want to try (and modifiy the hell out of!) out of magazines–and it’s been by far the best day of the year so far. Quinoa and kale and Quorn, bring it on, DG.

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  8. Accepting yourself at any stage is a great stage. I laughed when you said you walk, move, and fart. But then thought about it. I should be grateful that I have the ability to lose weight. That I have legs and arms and a digestive system that works (but won’t if I make that stuffing cake!!!)

    Thanks DG. Looking forward to more regular updates. Have a good one 😀

  9. Hey there! I never leave comments on people’s blogs but I just have to leave one for you. You are so inspiring (i know you probably get heaps of those sort of comments). But, really I am starting my weight loss adventure today and I gobble your blog up for inspiration. It seems like such a big road for me but I am reading your first entry today and am going to keep reading through them to keep me going. You are an amazing person and my hero! Thank you. I might even leave you another comment when I lose my weight.

  10. It’s so refreshing to hear someone say that they are happy with their body. It’s so easy to jump on the band wagon and moan about this lump or this bump and it take real guts to admit that you are actually happy where you are right now! Thanks for that 🙂 You made me realize that I am almost there too! Feels great huh!

    I am so glad that you want to write more. I really enjoy reading your blog and I can’t wait for the next instalment! I also love finding out info about food and new foods and what food does to you etc etc. So please let me know as soon as you start!

    Keep loving yourself!

  11. I was going to suggest that you work on a cookbook of your own, but maybe one of those more chatty “lifestyle” ones that are a good read besides being full of nifty recipes. Then I didn’t suggest it because I was afraid you’d heard it a million times and would think it a totally naff idea.

    So…

    I should probably join in on that whole self-esteem project, and you should write a book about FOOD. Not weightloss. FOOD. I’d totally buy it.

  12. I know you’re already on the Trinny and Susannah bandwagon, but I’ve just today read their new (to us in the Antipodes, anyway) book What your clothes say about you. I found it very helpful not just in terms of style but in identifying and overcoming particular blocks. Some of the ones you mention above (overcoming social problems, lack of determined focus) are specifically discussed, and they give a short suggested reading list for various things as well.

    I do recommend you have a flick through it at your local bookstore – I thought it was well-written and provocative, and it has given me a starting place for some of things I need to achieve this year.

    And I’m posting here from hellishly hot Sydney to honour International De-lurking Week. Best wishes.

  13. I noticed in the January edition of Health & Fitness magazine they reviewed a new book ‘Nutrition for Dummies’. Those ‘for dummies’ books are usually quite good and I thought I might get it. But you’re certainly not a dummy when it comes to healthy eating so I doubt you need it.

    Good luck with your resolutions. I’ve made similar ones myself relating to writing more and meeting interesting people.