Getting To Know You

Hello comrades! I’m back from Amsterdam. Things didn’t turn out so well Radiohead-wise, but it’s a lovely town and we had a great time and I didn’t eat too badly. Ha!

My problem has been more about the days before and the days after. All this stupid knee/shoulder pain, and feeling frustrated and translating that into too many pieces of cheese on toast. But I was back on track today. No more wallowing.

. . .

This month is designated 2001 Month for The Book. I’m giving myself a month to write each year, if that makes sense. 2001 is proving to be a real bitch. I’ve got my notes and my outline and I’ve poured over the archives so many times, but I’m still struggling. It’s taken me two weeks to figure out why – I just don’t recognise myself.

I always downplay how much this Lard Busting Journey has changed me. I fear sounding like an egotistical wanker, and I don’t want people thinking I’ve done anything particularly special or difficult. People ask me How I Did It and I’ll say I just ate right and exercised. For five years.

But reading back, I was a completely different person in 2001 and it’s hard to relate to her. Who was this chick, hiding from the world, afraid to go to the pub with friends, exhausted by a walk around the block? Don’t get me wrong, I empathise with her, I want to hug her and sometimes kick her arse — but it’s so hard to believe that was actually me.

Back in the day I used to wander up and down the aisles at the supermarket in tears, wondering if I’d ever climb out of my black hole. Then I’d stop by the freezer and pick up a 4-litre tub of Home Brand Vanilla Ice Cream. No expense spared! I’d eat the whole lot it in front of the telly over the next few days, just plain or sometimes drizzled with passionfruit cordial. Cordial makes a great sauce on the cheap, don’t you know.

And then last week in the depths of my injury-related self-pity, I was cruising the freezer aisle again. I debated for ages over whether or not to buy a Marks & Spencer Exotic Fruit Split, a single serve ice cream with just 100 calories. Tastes like passionfruit!

So I still like my comfort food in the same flavours. Not everything has changed. But at least the portion sizes are different!

Y’know, I’m always bitching about how I’m taking so long to lose this blubber, but if it had happened any quicker my head would probably just explode from the enormity of it all.

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16 thoughts on “Getting To Know You

  1. Go with the writing 🙂

    Do you think it’s cathartic (sp?) going back through all your history? I sometimes find it good to go through my blog archives. I can’t imagine you ever sounding like an egotistical wanker.

    Bummer about Radiohead 🙁

  2. Shauna your journey continues to be very inspirational! Its fantastic how you have changed so much – imagine if you had never started on the lard-busting – where would you be now? I look forward to reading the book……

  3. It’s always a little confronting to go back and explore darker times in our life. I admire your courage is doing so. I always end up throwing out diaries because I don’t want to see how sad that person was. I also tend to only diarise in hideous moods and the results ain’t pretty. That said, I loved reading your journey and will definetely read the book when it comes out.

  4. i am only new to this blog and so have only discovered that your book will be about your weight loss… you’re right when you say you haven’t done anything that special, afterall losing weight isn’t rocket science (but it’s still bloody hard work and you should be proud of your achievement) but because you have lost so much people assume there is a silver bullet that will solve their weight problems for ever, and you have that bullet… do you notice when you tell people that you ate right and exercised they almost look depressed, like you have shattered their dream of a quick fix… keep up the good work and i look forward to your next update

  5. One of the many many things I love about this blog is your ability to put into words what is happening to me. After losing the amount of weight I have I no longer recognise the person I was and in some cases I don’t recognise the person I am today. It is a life changing experience and one in which the changes will probably never stop and probably continue to amaze us all.

  6. Two things.

    1. Losing that amount of weight *is* special. Hard work over that period of time is a rare thing in today’s society.

    2. I’m a journalist. So I can tell you from experience – EVERYONE gets writer’s block, organisational troubles, etc. I had a sign in front of my desk that said “Just write it now, you can edit it later”, based on the idea that once you got started, you kept going, and that editing is easier than the initial writing 🙂

    Funny how much that’s like weight loss, really…

  7. ‘But reading back, I was a completely different person in 2001 and it’s hard to relate to her. Who was this chick, hiding from the world, afraid to go to the pub with friends, exhausted by a walk around the block? Don’t get me wrong, I empathise with her, I want to hug her and sometimes kick her arse — but it’s so hard to believe that was actually me.’

    What-ever you do write, please include this paragraph….perhaps its even the way to get you started it really explains how far you’ve come. I’ve loved your blog since I found it 2 years ago & I can’t wait for the book.

  8. I agree with Rachel. A stand out intro for 2001 in that paragraph alone.

    I am a big fan of passionfruit too but did not know you could use cordial as topping on the cheap. Great tip.. (not that I eat enough ice cream anymore to warrent buying a bottle though)

  9. M, it really does work. what’s quite hilarious in hindsight was that it was DIET cordial! bwahahaha!

  10. Hi
    Shame about Radiohead. I really tried to get tickets to V this year so I could see them but no luck. It’s been about 7 or 8 years I think since I saw them. Was definitely in NZ and I’ve been here 6 years. I remember my friend hadn’t got a ticket and she came along hoping to buy a spare off someone outside but for the first and last time ever, we never found anyone selling their ticket.

    Your weight loss is special because you achieved it. The reason there are success stories in the papers and magazines is because it is really hard and most people give up. To keep going for 5 years says a lot about your character.
    Good luck with the chapter.

  11. I look at my journal entries from two years ago, and I don’t even recognize that person. It shows how far we’ve come – it’s not one giant step, it’s many, many small steps. The changes come so gradually we don’t always even notice them.

  12. You know, all we come here to read about is YOU YOU YOU, so stop apologizing about it!

    Keep writing and keep talking about yourself. We love you for it!

  13. I want to write a book too. I have wanted to do it for a long time now. I am so excited that you are actually doing something towards it. Wishing you all the best with it!

  14. I read some of you entries, and will read your blog from now on. I find you inspiring and that what I need as I just started a path that you have been on for a while. I hope one day I also can say I lost that many pounds.

    Keep the good work, stay STRONG

  15. DG you have NEVER come across as an egotistical wanker. In fact I would say it’s just the opposite(whatever the opposite of an egotistical wanker is). Like Julia said, it is you we are coming in here to read about so egotistical or not, it makes for great reading. So don’t be afraid to let it all hang out because your incredible and special journey is what has created the you you are now. NJ

  16. I’m a new-comer to DG’s blog (lurking for a year, and have read my way through the entire archives once!). However, I was just scanning the entries again, and this one really hit me! I’ve lost thirty pounds and just COMPLETELY changed! I didn’t realize how depressed I was until I started inadvertently self-medicating with diet and exercise, and now I don’t even recognize myself back then. I feel bad for old me, I wish that old me hadn’t killed a great relationship, and so on… and yet I feel that Old Me Two Years Ago is a complete and utter stranger, and I can barely even remember what her motivations for bringing her life crashing down around her ears even were!

    goodness – I suppose that yes, hindsight is 20/20, but its terribly nice to not be her anymore.