Are We There Yet?

All I want is to get to the finish line.

Whenever I use that phrase I get reminded that there’s no such thing as a finish line, that healthy eating is for life, that maintenance is the real bitch, etc etc etc. While I am aware of this, I just want to be done with the losing part. It’s been six weeks short of six years, and I’ve bloody had enough.

People often ask me why I’m shooting specifically for 75kg. According to every calculator and online tool I’ve ever used, this is the very top of the healthy weight range for a 173cm (5’8") large-framed chick. After all these years of lard-busting I will be more than happy to simply reach the upper limit of that range. That will be enough. I just want to be able to say I got there; that I saw it through to the end. I’ve watched the sidebar statistics ping down and down and up and down throughout this lard-busting journey, and now I’m just hanging out for the one fine day where I can make it say, To go: ZERO kilos.

And after that, I will not give a shit about the number! I don’t want maintenance to be about Scale Anxiety. I could go on a new mission to get somewhere more in the middle of my healthy weight range, but I refuse to expend any more energy on numbers. I am just so bloody tired after nigh on six years of ceremonious weekly weigh-ins, arrrgh! Once I hit 75kg I am going to make my goals entirely about fitness, and if they result in the the scale going down that will be a happy accident. Who knows, it could go up if I gain some muscle! Either way I will let it settle where it wants to and let the fit of my jeans be the measure of what shape I’m in.

I just want my goals to be completely removed from the scales. It will be about building muscle and getting stronger and leaner and healthier. I want to learn to ride my bike without wobbles and take up yoga and get to a point where I can swim laps for half an hour. I just want to get on with it, continuing my healthy lifestyle. I want to take it further and push harder each and every year just because I want to; because that’s how I live my life… not because I’m trying to lose weight.

But right now I have some more pounds to lose. I am chugging along with the Going For Gold challenge. I’m eating well and doing as much exercise as my wonky body currently allows, all while keeping an eye on the scale because DAMMIT, I do want that numerical satisfaction of reaching a set goal. Throughout my life I’ve started so many projects and never quite finished them as I am fundamentally lazy as hell. But since this has been the most time-consuming, life-altering project I’ve ever undertaken, I want this to be one I actually complete.

I only wish this determination could have come a little earlier in the year. There’s only six weeks left in the GFG Challenge and the big fat festive season is plonked right in the middle of it. Where was this hunger and focus during the long days of summer!? I was too busy watching the bloody World Cup instead. Oh well. I dunno, you’re either in that Zone where you really want to succeed or you’re not. And only now do I feel genuinely in the right head space to galumph my way to the finish line.

. . .

Something wacky was up with Bloglines this week. I use that site to read all your blogs and for some reason it wasn’t telling me who’d updated. I got a whole weeks worth of entries last night from the likes of Kathryn, Amanda Jane and Emily. I thought you were all GONE FOREVER! You think I would have just manually checked the sites the old fashioned way, but nooo. I’m not very bright.

. . .

I’ve always regretted not taking measurements throughout all this fat fighting caper. I would love to know what my waist measurement was in 2001! At the time I didn’t bother because the scale number was scary enough, let alone getting out the tape measure. And did I even have a waist? Not that the tape would have fitted round me. Nothing bloody fitted then; not towels, bathrobes nor seat belts.

But since so many of you guys have sung the praises of measurements I finally did it a few weeks ago. Awkwardly. It is so hard to be accurate! I had to choose landmark freckles. Anyway, I measured again on Sunday night and found there was another half-inch off my waist, taking it down to 33 inches. Everyone keeps banging on about waist measurements and the risk of heart disease, like the UK government and that Doctor Oz bloke on Oprah. So if I can shrink another inch-and-a-bit and get below 32 inches then I will be deemed Of Healthy Waist and perhaps I will get a certificate from Oprah or the Prime Minister. Cool!

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20 thoughts on “Are We There Yet?

  1. well done for getting this far!i have 2 stone to loose&i’m pulling my hair out at that,i’m up&down every week,but i will get there!!even if it takes me a couple of years lol.keep up the good work,i love your comments etc,keep them coming x

  2. You’ll do it. How can you fail after keeping this up for 6 years. That’s damn amazing and, since you’re had periods of maintaining through that, once you get to goal maintenance should be a breeze.

    Non-scale goals are the way to go.

    I’ve had problems with bloglines too. Damnnit.

  3. Hey, Dr. Oz was on Oprah again today, and further to his previous claim that “A 32.5″ waist is healthy for a woman” he added that “half your height in inches is a good indicator”. So, you are 5’8″, or 68″, which half of is 34″, so… you’re healthy!! Woo hoo!

  4. God I feel your frustration Shauna and I wish there was a magic pill to make it all better.

    I truly understand what you are going through and emphasise whole heartedly but you know that the only path to your goal is down the same track you are on.

    You are like a child in November wanting to open all her Christmas presents early but deep in your heart you know you have to wait, as painful as that is. But do you know what? On this Christmas day the most amazing thing will happen. You get to open all your presents and enjoy them without the guilt.

    Hang in there sweetie. The way you are switched on at the moment the rewards may come sooner rather than later. Just think…it will defintely happen next year and that’s something worth waiting for.

    I once said to you, “Gather up all your courage and get on with the job so that one day you will find yourself coming out of the strain of the doing and into the peace of the done.”

    I know you have the courage you need.

  5. You could make your challenge a Going for Summer Gold challenge, thus giving yourself extra time for your knee to recover and get over your plateau. You wear so many clothes in Scotland for the next 6 months anyway, don’t you all look like Mr or Ms Michelin person?

    Relax and savour the little aspects of everyday life. Your nice breakfast porridge for one. I had some lovely cherries this morning. My first for this year. It just seemed all good.

  6. 🙂 cheers guys. i am trying to be patient, i shall take some more deep breaths! i am just so bloody bored with it all, hehehe….

    and donna, thanks for that tidbit, that’s brilliant news! if a dude on Oprah says that’s healthy then i’ll take it, woohoo! 😀

  7. 33 inches! You are a tiny little thing!

    We all get sick of it, I totally understand just wanting to be done. Of course it’s even harder this time of year with holidays and no daylight for exercise…

  8. tis true Marla! it’s hard enough to find the will to live let alone the will to exercise. hehehehe!

    as for my waist, you should see my goddamn thighs. they will not budge. all my clothes get big in the waist and hips but the thighs are always skin tight.. RARRRRR!

  9. We have about the same amount left to lose, and yes, I’m over it too. But I also refuse to give in, wanting to actually be able to say I got there! And we will!

  10. Measurements is really difficult. I do take measurements but it can be affected by the time of day and what you’ve eaten (i.e.bloating) and I also find it really difficult to measure the same place every time. The hip area, for instance, is quite a minefield. I’ve weighed and measured this morning. Maintained weight (good after the weekend in berlin!) but an an inch up all over. I don’t know if this is because I measured before breakfast last time and I’d eaten by the time I measured today. Or I’m measuring a different spot. In any case, I’m not altering my measurements up on sparkpeople! I will just leave them as is and hopefully catch up.
    Anyway I have 10 inches to catch up with you on the waist!

  11. My old trainer used to say “Have unscale related goals and forget about the scales”.

    I KNOW you’ve been at it for 6 yrs and you’ve done an amazing job. Here’s the thing. You ARE bored and you ARE feeling the strain of the finish line.

    You said you wanted to change over to just fitness goals. Is this after the finish line? Why not help it get you to the finish line.

    If you were a child in the car saying “How much lonnnnger muuuuum?” and she gave you a game to play, wouldnt time go quicker?”

    I would seriously put the scales away/ dont go to a meeting for a month. 1MONTH…. in fact I DARE you to not weigh yourself for a month.

    Make a list of ten fitness goals. Ones you need to work for but ones you CAN achieve in one month.

    Shift the focus away from the length of the journey and dont dare step on the scales til the month is up.

    Note everything at the beginning. Scientifically. For a wee experiment.
    e.g. How does your skin feel? What is your sit and reach flexibility? Stand side on and get a pic of your bum. Ride your bike for a month and check out the astonishing changes (bikes will lift your butt cheeks like nothing else!!)

    Ask Gareth for him to invent some fitness goals. When he suggests serious things, dont roll your eyes – give it a crack!

    I know you like stats. Make them interesting and measureable.

    Take cheesy pics of you in bike pants and singlet top flexing your muscles. Then take more at the end of the month.

    You’re getting my drift right?

    Don’t call it a ‘challenge’ cause I have never seen any blogger (myself especially) complete one.

    Perhaps just call it No Weigh (way – get it?) Month?

    I dont think you are unmotivated, I think you just need a change of focus. Get strict onyourself about not weighing though. I, for one would forego your weekly weighing stats just to see what kinda changes you see after a month.

    Did I say I DARE you?

    *grin*

  12. well done for coming so far babe!
    don’t get too disheartened… as Beckie says, try and focus more on the fitness goals, as preparation for time AFTER the goal… start thinking like you’re already there. you are SO CLOSE!

    thinking of you x

  13. cheers for all your tip top thoughts and ideas, groovers! it’s nice to wake up to such thoughtful stuff. always always appreciated!

    *group hump!*

    i just wanted to express my rediscovered determination to finish. i feel i have the healthy lifestyle down pat, but i just can’t wait for the moment when i am just getting on with living that lifestyle without having to update a sidebar on a website 🙂

    i’m not feeling frustrated, rather sooo fired up and hungry for it that it borders on impatience 🙂 it’s an amazing feeling coz i’ve struggled with momentum and motivation all year with my knee probs etc etc – actually feeling like i could be arsed to tackle the last wee bit. so it’s brilliant to finally feel so focused! and it feels strangely exciting too. far away, so close 🙂

  14. cheers for all your tip top thoughts and ideas, groovers! it’s nice to wake up to such thoughtful stuff. always always appreciated!

    *group hump!*

    i just wanted to express my rediscovered determination to finish. i feel i have the healthy lifestyle down pat, but i just can’t wait for the moment when i am just getting on with living that lifestyle without having to update a sidebar on a website 🙂

    i’m not feeling frustrated, rather sooo fired up and hungry for it that it borders on impatience 🙂 it’s an amazing feeling coz i’ve struggled with momentum and motivation all year with my knee probs etc etc – actually feeling like i could be arsed to tackle the last wee bit. so it’s brilliant to finally feel so focused! and it feels strangely exciting too. far away, so close 🙂

  15. I tell you what, getting to the finish line is so much sweeter and I reckon easier.

    By the time you get there, there’s no going back to watching every single thing and counting down the numbers (only some weeks when you have a blow out LOL). Bliss I tell ya, especially if your goal will then be fitness and about just being healthy 🙂

    For now, try to just do and not get messed up with the thinking part.

    And I love comments that are deep and naff so fire away! I am sure my comments are pretty daggy but hey, that’s what I’m thinking at the time.

  16. I wish I had taken measurements at the beginning too. I am really grateful that I have taken progress pics in the same swimsuit along the way so that I can visually see all that I am accomplishing.

  17. Hello! I know how you are feeling. I do! If it helps at all you are my #1 online motivator. You have done so much and have come so far. I believe you are one of the true success stories. I know you will stick with it no matter how long it takes, and this is what makes you a winner. Thanks again babe.

  18. I know I’m two years late on this, and you’ve probably already thought of this in your brilliance, but couldn’t you measure the waist on those old baggy jeans that you posted in. You know, the perky nipple pictures? That would give some sort of indication of where you were.