2006: A Mixed Bag

So it's the last day of 2006 and we feel obliged to look back before trudging forth into the new year!

I have such conflicting feelings about this lard-busting palaver; and this year was particularly messy. Sometimes lard-busting dominated my thoughts; other times it wassn't a priority at all. Sometimes I felt frustrated and frumpy, but most days I felt happy and healthy and a few extra kilos didn't cramp my style at all.

So I will just be honest with you and explain both sides of the coin, even though my thoughts may sound irrational or trivial.

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is a health/lard-busting blog and therefore the topic is health/lard-busting and navel gazing is all part of the pudding. So please trolls, hold your fire.

Okey doke.

There is part of me, let's call her Grumpy Dietgirl, that feels like a big fat stinking failure. At my first weigh-in of 2006 I was 86.7 kilos. This morning I was only three kilos less than that.

In 2006 I reached my all-time low of 79.6 kilos. Three bloody times. First in August, then October, then again in early December. I remember thinking at that first January WI, Woohoo, only 11.7 to go! I'll definitely get that off before the Dietgirl 6th Anniversary, no worries. I so badly wanted to post on 15th January 2007 a picture of my honking huge feet standing triumphantly on the scales at 75kg, just so I could finally say I got there. I was even going to paint my toenails.

But instead I spent the year pinging all over the shop, weight-wise; and nothing seems to have been motivation enough for me to find long-term consistency and momentum – not anniversary, magazine appearance, blog challenge nor smaller jeans. Meanwhile, there are people out there in Fatblogland who have been at this less time than me, and lost more and/or lost more consistently. Yet here I am after six years still putzing around, and sometimes I feel extremely disappointed and despondent about that.

There's also moments when I feel like a big fat fraud. I look back at the friendly emails and crazy newspaper stories and the Dietblog Queen jokes and feel bloody embarrassed. Like they're talking about someone who doesn't exist. Nobody this incompetent and inconsistent should get emails that call them an inspiration.

The above are the sort thoughts that come late at night when the wind is howling outside and I am sitting on the couch poking my blubbery belly, feeling sorry for myself. Spare a thought for poor Gareth who had to put up with my whinging for a solid hour last night!

But when the morning comes we usually have Cheery Dietgirl, skipping through a meadow regardless of the way skipping makes her belly jiggle. And this morning I felt rational, able to see the positives and how I can move forward this year. Which is exactly what Gareth suggested I do last night, but I didn't want to listen then, I just wanted to whinge!

So I won't be reaching 75kg and tying up the plot in a Neat Six-Year Package on January 15th. I ate too much in December and set myself back quite substantially. But I have to let go and focus on the positives from this year. I may have lost and regained the same five kilos three times; but overall I'm a size smaller, I can do push-ups, I can ride a bike (albeit in a straight line only).

Overall it's been a great year. Of course, lard-busting is just one part of your life – it's easy to lose perspective and let a few spare kilos obscure all the positive things happened this year. I made new friends, saw new places and tried new things. I became such a hermit when I was obese that it's taking me a good few years to learn how to have fun and relax. To feel genuinely more social and friendly, as opposed to faking it when I have to. I think I made a lot of progress this year.

All I know is I am still trying to find balance. I still struggle to do what it takes to be healthy and to work hard and to be a social animal without abandoning one for the other. I am still fumbling around for the middle ground. It has been harder than I ever imagined, and has taken so, so, so much longer too. I never thought I'd still be here, crapping on and on to you after six years. But I'll keep bumbling along in 2007.

. . .

Happy New Year to you all, comrades! Readers, writers, spammers alike; it's been a good year in Fatblogland. Thanks a bazillion for your wisdom, wit and support. All the best for 2007 to you all.

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40 thoughts on “2006: A Mixed Bag

  1. A very happy new year to you too! Hope you keep up the inspirational work! Its always a fantastic read, since you never forget to write about both the mind and the body. thank you

  2. Happy New Year to you! The reason you are an inspiration is because you are real. It was comforting to know that you can screw up and get back on track or gain and lose and gain and lose and that’s OK too. You just keep keepin’ on and that’s the motivation for me. Look how far you’ve come!! I am so impressed!! That said I still have the same 40 lbs to lose; having gained and lost the same ten for the last year. BUT it’s a new year and anything’s possible — AGAIN… RIGHT???

  3. Whenever you feel despondent or like the praise you receive is undeserved, just remember you RAWK lady!

    Happy New Year to you both

  4. Happy Hogmanay DG!

    The finding balance thing can really kick your arse sometimes can’t it? Please believe me when I say that knowing that you’re having similar struggles helps me immensly with my own quest for mental balance, physical fitness, and maybe even smaller jeans.

  5. Sounds like a sucessful year to me – friends, travel, pushups…and you finished up smaller than at the start of the year.

    Here’s to a FAB 2007!

  6. Hi. Thanks so much for your support in 2006 (especially of late), I am feeling quite emotional lately so I will leave this short, but you are the best.

  7. whether we get grumpy you,or cheery you you are still an inspiration.Im pretty sure your popularity has absolutely nothing to do with x kilos lost and lots to do with who you are,or at least who you appear to be on this blog.

    It is not your responsibility to keep losing to keep readers “inspired” anyway.You are just doing what you do,its your life,we dont like it then we lump it.

    I wonder if those elusive last few pounds are resistant because you are close to what nature intended your body weight to be.You seem generally fit and healthy and i cant imagine that changing too much with a few more kilos.

    Perhaps the more you focus on them the longer it will seem to take,kinda like watching the kettle.maybe if ou just forget about it one day in the next few years you will wake up and your jeans will feel lose and youll jump on the scale and the magic number will shine up at you.Then you’ll be thinking gosh darn how did that happen?

    all just ramblings i suppose but whatever,I think you are fabulous

  8. Amen to Lisa Jane’s post.

    Happy 2007 Shauna. Here’s hoping that you can put your quest to bed this year and move onto other interesting pursuits.

    Whatever happens, just remember how fit and healthy you are and be very proud of that. You don’t realise how wonderful it is to be fit and healthy until you lose one or the other. NJ

  9. I dont think you should worry about the gaining and loosing, look back at what you have achived! amazing! and of course people are still talking about you, your blog is witty, honest and motivating. It got me to loose my first 10 kilos and today first day of the new year i am at my lowest weight yet. I think (perhaps) that maybe you shouldnt put a date one it… i know that the minute i did that then i began to sabotage myself. Just let it happen and it will… besides you are maintaining a healthy lifestyle while still liveing your life… how amazing is that!(i hope that does sound preachy or anything, just trying to convey how i feel in the hopes that it may help a little :p) good luck for 2007, i will continue to read and be inspired by your blog.

  10. Happy New Year to you! Your story is inspiring for me – I too have lost and gained the same few kg all year. I’m adopting your attitude 🙂

  11. You’re are NOT a failure and the fact you KEPT blogging is awesome. You’re a real honest chick and hell, December wasn’t my month for eating well either but we get back on that horse and will ride it for 2007! Maintaining for a year is pretty damn good too 🙂

  12. You rock! I looked back, took note of what transpired over the last year, and then threw it all away. If throwing on a theoritical cheerleader’s skirt and grabbing some freakin’ pompoms is what it takes this year-

    We will ROCK 2007!

  13. Happy New Year, DG! I can completely relate to your ups and downs and your constant swings between grumpy and cheery, that’s all a part of this weight-loss game. Amen to finding a balance between being social and losing weight! Best of luck in 2007, this could be it for you! I look forward to reading what’s in store for you…

    Take care,
    PSG

  14. Happy Hogmanay DG.

    The truth is no-one really wants to follow a blog where it all goes well all the time. What we want is someone real who goes through the same issues as us. It’s just reasssuring that it’s not plain sailing for the successful ones.

    You will get to your goal in 2007. I know you will.

  15. The reason why I, and so many others, return again and again to read about your journey, is that you never give up. Remember the Chumbawumba song, ‘I get knocked down, but I get up again’ – that’s you all over. It’s a form of courage.
    Life is a mixed bag, and we can’t always control what life puts in our way – bullying bosses, relationship breakdown or health problems for ourselves or those we love (all of which have been experienced by me or friends of mine in the past two years). In the words of Scarlett O’Hara, ‘Tomorrow is another day.’ And when it comes we live it as best we can, but remember to forgive ourselves when we don’t always live up to our ideals.
    Sorry for the ramble – it’s the trifle talking.

  16. Happy New Year, Shauna. I feel much the same as you about 2006 – how could I have lost so little compared to the previous year! But it was truly a year of getting used to being fitter and healthier, of knowing how it felt to no longer be obese. 2007 is the year of the final push. This year I will reach 72kg and stay there – even if it takes all year.
    Thank you for all the inspiration and support you provide.

  17. Don’t forget you’ve had injuries and other setbacks this year. Things that would have some people piling the kilos back on.

    Woohoo for Cheery Shauna, she sounds like a sensible girl.

  18. Happy New Year! I always look forward to your posts because they’re so real and because you make me laugh! You truly are an inspiration and you should be proud of that. Here’s to an excellent 2007!

  19. You are soooo human Shauna, that’s what we love. And don’t forget that you haven’t regained the shit-load of weight that you previously lost. You will do it this year.

  20. Happy New Year Shauna, and just so you know, its not the numbers that count, that keep us coming back to your blog, its about the personality that this blog is overflowing with, the honesty, the reality, the beautiful ability you have to laugh at yourself, which in turn makes me realise that I can laugh at myself too when I make similar mistakes.

    You are just all round entertaining, and your blog persona is one likeable person!

    Love

    Joc

    PS how about a new years resolution to master riding round corners this year?!? thats a worthy goal lol

  21. LOL. and when I say ‘you will do it this year’ I mean lose the excess…not regain the weight you had lost 🙂 thought i’d better clarify that lol

  22. Feliz Ano Nuevo! I get so much from checking in on your blog. It is your honesty that I resonate with and your amazing success. Being a skinny minnie and then ballooning back up has been so difficult for me. Once a social butterfly — I am now in a cocoon in hermitville.

    Although I’m on the other side of the coin right now, I certainly understand your story.

    You are important! Keep tellin it like it is sistah!

    Michele

  23. You are a motivations because you stumble and fall! And then crwal back up again. Most important: you never quit! You keep fighting. That’s the inspiration, you are like us :o)
    And mostly: you are never broing when you whine, even then you keep up your positive attitude and make people smile!!

    Great 2007! I’m walking and struggling those last “miles” with you!

  24. Thanks for leaving a comment in my new blog! I know some commenters before me already said it, but you ARE an inspiration! You are honest and real. And no matter how many ups and downs you had in 2006, you never gave up. That’s what makes you a success and inspiration!

    Best of luck for you Shauna! Let’s make 2007 OUR year.

  25. Shauna, you rocked 2006! I’m always amazed by not only your amazing lard-busting, but also your attitude toward the whole endeavor. Your focus, determination, and the ability to organize this whole weight-loss malarky is more inspiring than anything else!
    Here’s to a fab 2007! Keep writing; we’ll keep reading!

  26. The thing that absolutely amazes me about you is that during the last five years, you have moved to a new continent, gotten married, restarted your life AND managed to define a healthful new you despite all the other stuff. Most people would have fallen apart, or gotten lazy or indulgent, and you used those circumstances to become stronger and even more wonderful.

    Failure? Psh. You’re finding yourself and you’re doing it with flair. Best wishes for ’07, and thanks for making your struggle for balance so open and honest for the rest of us trying to the same thing.

  27. Sweetie, you continue to be an inspiration to me every day! It’s not all about what the scale says, it’s your perseverance and willingness to try new things and above all your hilarious descriptions of same. I know 2007 will be a bonzer year for all of us.

    When I am frustrated with lack of loss, sometimes I need to remember that I used to GAIN five or ten pounds a year: unfortunately we are fighting that momentum as well. Just staying in place is no small accomplishment!

  28. Happy New Year Shauna!

    I think you did a great job this year and am thrilled to have been along for the ride. Your injury was pretty significant but you dealt with it and with a pretty minimal gain. That’s pretty freakn’ amazing! Looking forward to 2007 with you.

  29. I love the comment about riding the bicycle in a straight line…that makes me feel so much better about my own klutziness. And about the weight loss thing, you’re SO MUCH more than that and I’d be here – reading avidly – regardless of where the scale goes for you. Your fitness dedication is really inspiring, as is your willingness to try new things!

  30. I think you can be proud of what you achieved this year, and you didn’t backslide like I did…sigh. But your drive (and my own desire to get this over with!) have motivated me to go at it again this year, so thanks for keeping it up the way you do 🙂

  31. I would compliment you and tell you how great you are-but I am more the type to give you a nice, firm slap on the buttock and say- Giddiyap! Focus on the positive and let the other go. Boohoo- we ate too much- we freakin’ rock and you are, sniff sniff… a true inspiration to many.

    And, read these comments by all these readers and lick it up baby!!

  32. Happy New Year!!! I’m sure 2007 is going to be THE year for you.

    I do sympathise with how you’re feeling – it would have been nice to get there on your “anniversary” (I think it was just a fluke for me!)but whichever way you look at it, this is for life – you’re not going to go back to your old ways once you’re at goal. If it takes another month or so to get there, then it takes another month or so. The important thing is that you get there. And I know that you will.

    Here’s to 2007, the year of Dietgirl.

    xoxox

  33. I think I am with you on this one – everything seemed to go SO well for me in 2005 and the start of 2006 I thought I must have been carried in the hands of God himself. I mean it was SO GOOD! Lowest weight ever in the low 80’s OMG almost 40kg gone from my lardness body. Then all of a sudden I became and eating machine. And I see in 2007 fatter than I saw in 2006. Depressing uh huh! Especially when I know how much I SPENT and how HARD I WORKED to see those low 80’s and my scales flash 99.9kgs up at me (I stood on them on my birthday and they said over 100! But we all know birthday weighing after not weighing for months is a touch mental)

    Anyway so 2007 has come and 7 is a lucky number and SCREWED if I am going to be heavier in 2008 than I am now.

    So I pick myself up and dust myself off and move on. Just like you will.

    It’s not the time it takes to get there. It’s not perfection. It’s progress!

  34. You know you are probably ahead of the game compared to some folks who can loose it all fast. You are going to know more how to maintain the weight once you get there because you have done it for so long that is second nature to you even if it is a struggle sometimes. I think anyone trying to eat healthy in the world we live in probably has some struggle to not give in and eat the crap that is out there. I am glad you saw the positive in the morning…you went over all the things I would have reminded you of cause you did succeed in 2006, you came out still going forward and that is what matters.