So I bought these crazy Spanx magic undies a few months ago. Sara Blakely, the blonde vixen who invented them, was a finalist on Richard Branson’s reality show Rebel Billionaire last year. I was cheering for her just because I thought that a woman who was selling undies that made your tummy look flatter couldn’t be evil.
What can I say Sara? They ain’t working for me baby! I think maybe if I was already a slender whippet like yourself, the magic undies would be useful to smooth down an ever-so-slightly swollen belly after a bowl of lentil soup. But for someone with actual roaming blubber? It ain’t pretty. All they do is redistribute the bulk.
It was easy enough to wrestle into the garment and the crotchlessness would be a handy feature one needed to pee on a night out on the town. However, the undies don’t make me look skinnier. They just make me look freaky. My arse goes entirely flat, my hips get squished into my waist, and my belly seems to ooze upward and nudge the bottom of my bra. Needless to say the Spanx have been returned to the back of the undie drawer.
There is no real point to this entry except to say tomorrow is the work Christmas party and there is nothing I can do between now and then to restrain my flesh. Hehe. Last year I vowed that this year I would be super-organised for the party and not be looking for an outfit the day before. This time I looked months in advance but couldn’t bloody find anything really cool and/or affordable. At least my top is purple instead of POO BROWN this time round.
Rah rah rah. I’ve been a bit blah these past few days but now is the time to relaaaax and enjoy this festive season and forget about my wobbly guts. I want to have some FUN, dammit.
And I hope you’re all having fun too.