The Doctor Is Out

I’m obsessed with stability ball pikes, or rather my complete inability to do them! Check out this handy video to see what I’m on about.

That nubile wench Cathe Friedrich manages to get into a completely vertical position, toes on the ball and butt in line with the hands. Then does twenty perfect repetitions. Me? I can just manage to pull my ankles onto the ball before dive-bombing onto my nose.

The whole move feels totally wrong, but I think that’s what I like about it. I like feeling awkward and clumsy. I spent so many years trying to keep my large body as still as possible, so not to disturb anyone with my wobbly presence. Shuffling from the fridge to the couch to the bed to car to the job to the drive-thru — that was about the extent of my movements. These days I want to make up for lost time and arrange my body into complicated positions (stop snickering). Upside down, underwater, backwards, sideways, one hand, no hands.

I used to stay still because I didn’t want to look ridiculous but now I just want to move, and the more ridiculous it looks the better.

. . .

Watch Your Portions Week went well! There was an initial mourning period as to just how puny a proper portion of rice looks, but I’m used it now. Sniff.

This week is Listen To Your Guts Week, in which I aim to teach myself to Stop Look And Listen before eating. Am I actually hungry or just bored or cranky? You’d think I’d have mastered all these basic concepts by now, but I reckon everyone can do with a refresher course now and then.

. . .

For the dear soul who came here searching for "dr gillian mckeith perfect poo chart", I urge you to check out this cracking article in today’s Guardian: "Doctor" Gillian McKeith – A Menace To Science. Thanks everyone who pointed it out!

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25 thoughts on “The Doctor Is Out

  1. oooh..I’m gonna try that too.. it goes along well with what my mom always said when I was young… “If you’re really hungry, you’ll eat an apple..” or any other healthy food.

    I realized that last week..that when I’m staring at the refrigerator contents, and an apple doesn’t sound good (as it does when my tummy is rumbling about in hunger), then the “hunger” is probably emotional…

    I’m in.

  2. Oh, the bored-and-cranky eating is my downfall! Unless we’re talking about falling off stability balls, then my lack of practice is my downfall.

    My Dad has declared that this August he and I (and my husband ) are going to climb Mt. Whitney, which is the highest mountain in the USA (I think). 20 mile hike there and back in one day at high altitude. Every fiber of my being wants to say noooo…you boys go ahead I’ll stay home, I’m not in shape for it. But somehow I’m just damned if I’ll pull that card again. I missed out on Ben Nevis, and the Grand Canyon, and I’ve got till August to overcome my terror and get in physical shape for it.

    I want to take a leaf out of your book and tackle the things that are the most scary.

  3. Thinking you might find the Kama Sutra interesting!! Sorry that’s a bit cheeky but it just popped into my mind when reading the first section of your post – entertaining as always. Have a great week
    Cheers Z

  4. I clicked through to that stability ball site. I mean this in the nicest possible way–are you nuts? That thing just looks wrong. (Just kidding, of course.)

    If you can manage to do that, you’re a heckuva lot more coordinated than I am.

  5. “I used to stay still because I didn’t want to look ridiculous but now I just want to move, and the more ridiculous it looks the better.”

    Gosh I love that quote.

  6. Thanks for the link to the Guardian article on Gillian McKeith, I had no idea . . . And it’s a great article – passionate, angry

  7. Wow those exercises just look mean….

    Love that article!! “Dr” Gillian must be so mad. Maybe she’ll spontaneously combust while examining her own poo. What a tragedy that would be.

  8. I agree! I spent so much of my life not doing things because I would look ridiculous, when in fact nobody cared if I did.

    And I missed out on a lot of fun.

  9. LOL me too I’m afraid. I think I have gone head first several times on one of those and now they try to get me to do headstands in yoga! But you do know, the more you practice….well I bloody hope we get better. I agree, the more ridiculous you look, the better you look AND have way more fun 🙂

  10. I’ve been eyeing those stability ball pikes, knowing they are probably a little ways off for me. But I’ll get there someday! The brilliant thing about them is that if you can do them, there’s so many other things you could do – when your core muscles are strong like that and your balance is working, go walk a tightrope! Go learn to do a back walkover! Go do twisting jumps in the air just because you feel like it!

  11. Ahh, just keep practising! I used to fall off the darn ball in the most embarrassingly inelegant way. Murphy’s Law dictated that it was always when someone was watching, of course. Now I can actually do those pike things… dunno about 20 of them though.

    Loved the bogus doctor article!

  12. If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn’t -for the life of me- be able to do those stability ball pike thingies either…They look utterly horrifying to me;)

  13. Wow-thanks for the info on the good “doctor”. I had been suspicious of her qualifications for a while now, but that article really nails it down.

    Kudos on persevering with the pikes! If its any consolation, I recently fell off the ball in a class of 30+ people while doing a much less difficult maneouver!

  14. Dont feel bad about that ball, I got a reverse incline sit up bench for my House of Pain ( home gym) becasue I used to love to use the one at the gym I went to years ago. I got it home, got all ready to go at it and couldnt do even ONE! I was laying there like a slug…blood rushing to my puffed up face and wondering how long it would take to find my body if I never managed to wriggle my butt out of that contraption!
    Goal: to be able to do 10 full sit ups on the Evil Reverse Incline Bench by my birthday in June.

  15. Gillian McKeith sounds like the Scottish answer Dr. Atkins.

    At least she looks the part of a diet guru. Atkins died obese with cardiovascular disease.

  16. Gillian McKeith sounds like the Scottish answer to Dr. Atkins.

    At least she looks the part of a diet guru. Atkins died obese with cardiovascular disease.

  17. I think Australians are the only other group of people besides U.S. Southerners who say “reckon” on a regular basis! My Californian friends love to tease me for saying “reckon” and “tote”… example:

    “I reckon I’ll tote the laundry down to the washer now.”

    The difference is that you probably sound like a cute Australian gal and I just sound like an Alabama Redneck! 🙂

  18. Very entertaining that article on the diet doctor. In the end you just have to eat clean with a few treats here and there.

    I think the better muscle tone you get the easier the balancing ball will be.

  19. I’m having probs with the link between gut and mind too. I keep having to ask myself (often out loud!) if I’m actually hungry or if I’m looking for a distraction. Sometimes it doesn’t even matter what the answer is! Gotta stop that!

    All the best!

  20. I saw a quote on a “success story” that I think I’ll put on my frig–“If it’s not hunger, food won’t fix it.”

  21. thanks for posting the link to the article on gillian mckeith. i recently borrowed one of her books from the library, and was thinking about spending the exorbitant amounts needed to follow her very strict program. (raspberries and blueberries, and pretty much all berries do not come cheap in southeast asia). needless to say, that impulse has now been buried. :p