I am having a good week. And this in spite of eating a deep-fried Mars Bar yesterday. No, actually it’s because I ate a deep-fried Mars Bar yesterday. Oh baby! Just one bite of that sweet and crispy goo and the world seems even more of grand place to be.
It was actually only a quarter of a deep-fried Mars Bar, as I was sharing it amongst friends. I’ve been eating pretty well and exercising like a mofo for eight solid weeks now without drama and fanfare, so I didn’t hesitate to tuck in.
I mentioned awhile back I was taking the emphasis away from scales, deadlines and goal weights, and it still seems to be working. All the anxiety and pressure is gone. I’m exercising because I enjoy it and my body craves it. I’m eating what I want and what I want just happens to be healthy stuff. And my jeans are getting baggy. By removing the deadlines and expectation, instinct seems to be taking over. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still taken just as much planning and hard stinky work in the gym, but my mindset is changing. I’m now trying to cement the attitude "this is just how I live my life" rather than "this is what I have to do to lose blubber".
Some examples! For our wedding anniversary two weeks ago, Gareth and I stayed over in Edinburgh. So often when I’m let out of the house I see this as license to let loose with the eating. First we had lunch at Wannaburger, home of the lovely big burgers, fat fries and obscenely huge chocolate shakes. At Christmas with the lads from work, I’d ordered all three. This time I knew all three wouldn’t really help my goals, so I thought with the brain instead of the stomach. I went for the burger I really fancied, no chips and a plain orange juice.
Round Two was dinner at Chop Chop, one of our favourite restaurants. It ain’t romantic but it’s gooood. This time I thought long and hard about what I really wanted to eat and then we ordered small size dishes to share. It was our fifth visit to this place and the first that I didn’t need to dicreetly unzip my jeans under the table because I was so stuffed. We even had room to share a dessert! Bloody amazing.
I know this is all such basic, simple stuff but it’s something I’ve always struggled with. I knew I should make considered choices when dining out, but so many times I’ve thought, "But I may never dine out again! I must have everything I want! Plus bread and butter!".
So I am working hard to undo this all-or-nothing mentality. I tried it again yesterday when I met up with Greg and Jillian, the fab friends we stayed with in San Francisco before our wedding. I was drooling over the lunch menu and almost pounced on the burger and fries. But I reasoned that it would never be as good as Wannaburger so wasn’t really worth it. So I chose something lighter instead then later took the opportunity to try the quarter-of-a-deep-fried Mars Bar. Which really was worth it.
Excuse my language here Mothership, but it feels fucking amazing to feel it all coming together. To trust myself. To feel balanced and calm. To realise after all this time that the power and knowledge really is in my hands. Wow that sentence makes me sound like a Ninja Turtle or something. But seriously. I know how to to do this, I’ve always known; but now I finally have complete faith in myself that I can do it. And that it hasn’t all been a big fluke.
. . .
Today is Red Nose Day, in which people across Britain do wacky things to raise money for Comic Relief. If you’ve seen the original UK version of The Office, do you recall David Brent dancing like a twat and dressing up like a bird? That was all in the name of Comic Relief.
If you don’t have a bird suit handy, you could always contribute by buying a copy of Shaggy Blog Stories. This book went from wacky idea to real live book in just 7 days! It is a collection of funny stories from 100 UK bloggers that would surely keep you amused for hours. There’s even a story of mine, from my non-fat blog. Hurrah!
So come on luvvies, why not buy a copy! That link will take you to lulu.com, where they ship all over the world and you can even pay via PayPal. You know reading burns calories. Or at the very least will tone your eyeballs. Nobody wants to see a flabby eyeball.