Freaky Friday

Thanks so much for your rockin’ comments and emails, groovers! You have no bloody idea how much I appreciated every single word. I’ve sent my visa application back with a metric tonne of extra evidence, so now we play the waiting game. Cross your fingers and toes and eyes that they’ll be satisfied this time! 🙂

Okay, life is generally a wee bit batshit crazy right now. I had a slight freakout in the gym this morning, swooshing away on the Arc trainer, "What am I doing here? I don’t have time to be here! There’s too much to do!", rah rah rah. Exercise is not having a soothing effect lately, it just seems to wind me tighter and tighter. So I am going to do more soothing stuff, like yoga and outdoor walks.

It’s interesting to really listen to your body and give in to its demands, instead of trying to bully it into doing what your brain wants it to do. Which has long been my problem. The body is saying, "Dude, be gentle with me" so I am trying to listen. And it’s also saying, "Don’t fill me full of chocolate, dammit. You think you want it but you dinnae need it, hen."

I am so freaking proud of myself for not using food as a coping mechanism. When I got off the train in London last week having just found out about the stinking Visa Situation, my brain was screaming "CHOCCCCOLATE! GIMME CHOOCCCOLATE!". But my sister was there and we got on another train to our Indulgent Spa Hotel. We shared a Berry Cheeky Nakd Bar and I talked about my worries instead of burying them in cocoa.

Remember when Rhi and I went to Lisbon last year? I gained 6.5 pounds due to my pre-holiday, holiday and post-holiday feasting. Last year I had resigned myself that this would always be the case on holiday, there was no way I’d miss out on yummy different foods. But now I see it doesn’t have to be that way. This time I was more choosy about what I ate, often sharing things with my sister so I’d get the idea of a dish without needing to eat the whole thing. I got the thrill of something new without the remorse.

I was pretty damn gobsmacked by how well I handled things, considering I was a total stressmonkey. And this week is going well too. Was gagging for a giant block of Green & Blacks for lunch yesterday but had a mega bowl of stir-fried vegies and tofu instead and it was strangely delicious. I’m not even trying to lose weight at the moment, I really don’t give a shit… I’m just trying to do enough good things to make me feel healthy and happy. But I can tell from mirrors and clothes that I’m holding steady. Exxxcellent.

It’s finally coming together, people, after all these years. I am learning the fine art of moderation. I am dealing with my problems instead of distracting myself with a good old binge. The urge is just not there anymore. I can tell you it really sucks to actually feel shitty feelings instead of masking them with chocolate, and I’m sure I’ve been a total whiny weepy biaaatch to live with. But life sometimes features raw edges and rough spots and crappy days and you just have to embrace it all. I’d much rather a little stress than return to the bad old days of sitting numbly on the couch with half a kilo of cooking chocolate.

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33 thoughts on “Freaky Friday

  1. My heart felt wishes for this visa thing to come to a happy ending. I also applaud how well you are handling everything and keeping control without using food. Excellent!

  2. eeeeeee!! Cobgratulations, Shauna! Shit, I [poliogise for the crap spelling…had a little wine toonight. *giggles*

    You’ve really made a HUGE change to your mental…uh…thing. God, can barely speak English. Maybe I’ll come back tomorrow when I’m sober.

    Ack. Anyways, You rawk, 😀

  3. Whoo, well done on the moderation bit! And I’m praying for the visa situation.

  4. I’m having trouble with Moderation right now… I’ve been so good recently, but it seems the more exercise I do, the more crap I want to eat. I have to find a way to curb the notion that “if I exercise I can eat crap and it will balance it all out”!

    On another good note, today I put on a belt that I haven’t been able to get around my belly in about 5 years! Whoo hoo!

  5. You are so sensible. When you’re not being really funny, that is, and in fact, you’re sometimes both of these, simultaneously. Proper multitasking.

  6. Too true!!! I am almost at the same stage as you, not needing food to prop me up, or make me feel better… it is a powerful and fantastic feeling for sure. We go on holiday tomorrow, and I am vowing to not indulge just cos we are on holiday, wish me luck.

  7. Destination Moderation sounds like a great place to live. Sometimes I feel like it costs too much to live there, but then I think of how much it has cost me to live elsewhere, and it seems just oh so very reasonable again. I hope you never get tired of hearing, “Good for you, Shauna,” cause you deserve a ton of that for this major, major accomplishment. I hope you stay happy in your new digs!

  8. I am only just figuring out how much I used to hide my woes in a pile of brownies! It’s so good to hear you say that yes, it does suck to feel the emotional pain, but it’s also better than numbing it out with chocolate (or wine, or cheddar…)

  9. Aha! The art of moderation.

    Way to go, Dietgirl; WHAT an achievement. Everyone would have understood if you had lost it this week but you didn’t. Be proud of that; all your hard work IS paying off, particularly in the face of adversity.

    The visa thing will come good, you’ll see. And if it doesn’t happen straight off, we’ll be there, right behind you.

    You are, truly inspirational (and lovely and funny), as always.

    Big kiss.

    Mrs Lard xxxxxx

  10. I sure hope the Visa situation sorts itself out. That has to be stressful.

    Congratulations for owning your emotions and dealing with the stress without food. And good job on the trip with your sister.

    This may sound corny, but you are my current role model on how to deal with food and exercise. I want to really listen to my body instead of distrusting it and do what’s best for it. I know it isn’t easy, but it’s better than the alternatives. Good luck!

  11. And this is the place I long to be so much. Not even the body I desire will be as much reward as having different coping mechanisms and a different outlook on what consitutes comfort. Just put it out there that you will be a permanent resident and it will be a reality.

    Have you changed your colours on the background?? I feels something is different??

  12. Honestly? I laughed when I read about your visa situation.

    No really, hear me out! This was all going through my mind at the same time. Of course, there was the “wow, that sucks, that’s a lot of wasted time on extra paperwork.” But I was also thinking that there’s no way that their ultimate conclusion will be a sham marriage; it’ll all eventually work out in your favor. So with that reassurance, my mind found it hilarious, because you (as I can sense in all my internet omniscience) have about the least-shammy marriage ever. Government folk can be morons, so in the meantime, given the real strength of your marriage, look at it this way: irony’s a bitch, isn’t it? 🙂

  13. Hooray for DG!!! I’m really happy to hear that you’re keeping it together so well, it’s just so courageous 🙂 I wish i could be as focused as you, lately with the workload i have been doing i’ve started to be really lazy and just wanting to sleep and stuff fatty foods into me, it’s very depressing. So right now i am crossing eyes, fingers, legs and even toes (which is rather painful :)) and i hope your visa application will come back positive. xxx

  14. cheers youse lovely groovers!

    beth – i totally agree with you mate. it was actually my instant reaction, like “YEAH RIGHT!” and then hysteria took over. hehe. but now i am back to finding it rather amusing because it is too bloody absurd!!! not to mention inconvenient coz i want my passport back dammit!

  15. Oh I think you are Right On with needing to feel the feelings, even when they suck. The thing about masking with chocolate is that the problem is still there after the chocolate is gone! It may be delicious, but it’s not a magic wand. I know, hard to believe, because it sure tastes like magic!

    I know those wretched visa people will OK you this time – the sheer overwhelming force of passion emanating from you and the good doctor will swamp them and they will have no choice. Behold the power of state-sanctioned shagging!!!

  16. Well done Diet Girl, you’re making those core, big changes. The ones that lead to healthy eating and exercise being long-term habits, your new normal, rather than being “a diet”.

    You’re right, it does suck to be going through all the stuff that’s happening to you at the moment. But it’s normal to be feeling shitty, agitated, angry, frustrated, etc. If you dull the lows, with food, then you also dull the highs and you miss out the joys of life.

    Keep your chin up, you’re doing great work.

  17. Fab response DG. I am finding out the same stuff but via a different method. It was genuinely scary to give up conventional food but now that I have when I ‘lapse’ and eat something I really notice if it is bad stuff. Chocolate makes me feel sleepy and comatose. I don’t want to feel that way! On the other hand, when I eat something balanced and healthy, I don’t feel guilty about the ‘lapse’. I’ve sort of come to a place where I understand it’s my choice and I am beginning to listen to my body. For me, for weight loss, I do need to stay on track with the diet but the occasional small meal will not hurt along the way – it just might slow things down. But my point is that I notice the differnce between the effects of the good and bad stuff and I am taking note.

    I am so pleased you are dealing with emotions without turning to choclate. Tofu and veges can be very comforting obviously!

  18. Darling stressed-out DG, I too know the “OH FUCK THERE IS TOO MUCH TO DO, WHY AM I SPENDING THIS TIME EXERCISING?” freak-out. Try this trick: for five minutes, concentrate on just one thing– your breath, or the movement of your feet– and every time you find that another kind of thought has come along, just sort of send it back along kindly and go back to concentrating on that one thing. It helps with the stress. (I, too, am learning tricks for dealing with these things without binging!)

    You’re doing beautifully. Keep listening to your body: it knows what to do. Don’t let your brain spin you into wacky spirals of panic. This, too, shall pass, and you guys are very much awesomely married so eventually, even the bastards at the visa department will pull their heads out of their arses and realize that. Much love your way, sweetie!

  19. Brava, DG! I still don’t understand quite what the British government is expecting in terms of adequate marriage evidence…perhaps you and Gareth should copulate on the steps of the Immigration Office while family members tell amusing anecdotes about you both at birthdays and Christmas? Really, I completely understand the philosophy of stemming undesirable immigration, but my God…draw a line somewhere.

    But you still rock, and even if you get shipped back to Bungles Bungles you’ll be the most inspirational forgotten deportee there.

  20. I’m going through a similar issue at the moment. Learning how not to put on heaps of weight while on holiday. It’s too easy to just let go when you are away but is it worth the anguish of kg’s gained when you get home? I think not and I should know. I just spent three days away and gained three kgs. Sigh! So hats off to you Shauna. NJ

  21. Wow DG. I just read all about your visa troubles and I am so sorry that this situation has been ridiculously stressful. If you need a few thousand blog readers to write to the British government in support of your application, let us know! We all know that your marriage is real.

    But today’s post is what really made me sit back on my heels. As I wrote in my blog today, this ability to find moderation, even in times of stress, is such a huge desire of mine. I’d love to have that relationship with food. Someday, someday.

  22. errrr, the triteness of the “you inspire me!!” comments must be getting a TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD old, but. i really love how, when i’m having a gad-awful day, i click on the bookmark to your blog and lo-and-behold…there is something that just SPEAKS to the particularity of my bad day and makes me feel oodles better. your blog really extends beyond the scope of diet stuff — always a deliciously refreshing read for its universalism.

    anyway, i always thought “positive thinking” was a bunch of hooey — like, it would be insincere and lying to myself or something — but now i realize it’s more about a decision one makes about her attitude, her way of responding to the occasional crap that gets hurdled her way in life. it’s a matter of viewing said crap as… maybe a wee smidge of bird poop or a giant crate of elephant poop……eeeerrrrrrr, that is a TERRIBLE way of putting it, but i really do think it’s all in the way we choose to see and respond to things.
    thanks
    uber-sappily yours,
    celia

  23. Trying to stay in a country has got to be one of the most stressful things I have ever done. I feel your pain!!! *hug* I’m sure it will all work out for you!

    Well done on staying off the chocolate… Be strong and stay focused! 🙂

  24. You’re my heroine! Seriously. I’ve been reading your blog for years, in preparation for my own journey. Not going for chocolate under those circumstances seems like an impossible dream. I’m glad to know it can be a reality.

  25. Hi,

    Keep seeing links to your site all over the shop. Now I know why – great site and I’m very impressed with what you have achieved. You should be very proud of your self.

    I have added a link to my site.

    Bye.

  26. The Scottish government is trying to cramp down on Australian immigration now? Isn’t that just a bit bizarre? From what I’ve observed of Australia, it’s not like you are needing a marriage of convenience to escape poverty or terrible living conditions in your home country or anything. Don’t they think G is good looking enough to have pulled such a cute chick ‘for real’? 😉

    Yay, it’s great to get to that point when you finally understand that food doesn’t automatically fix everything. It is a powerful feeling to know that we have other resources after all.

  27. Oh Shauny, I can certainly empathise. I am currently trying to do the opposite (ie. get my UK man into Australia) but with no end of beurocracy and need to prove we are bona fide. Horrible stuff. But it will come good in the end. How can it not when it really is wuv twue wuv! You will be OK, my friend. XXXXX

    *also applauds the moderation station* 😀

  28. This is the best blog I’ve read in months. well done you crazy woman. You’re an inspiration to us all.

  29. Hey Shauna,

    Am loving reading your blog! I came across it fairly recently and have read it from the beginning, and I really feel like I know you!

    I put on quite a lot of weight during uni and am now about to start work, so am really trying to lose it now – today I started a ‘diet blog’, which was a big step, because I need to be accountable to someone and I think it will be more embarassing to blog that I didn’t lose anything than just to keep it to myself.

    You’ve done so well, wish me luck as I try and follow suit!

    All the best with the visa, our wee country is lucky to have you 🙂

  30. just reading through your archives…and you ahve given me a lightbulb moment! yay! since late january i’ve been making a huge effort to make good and healthy food choices, and simultaneously have been having a very emotional time at home and at work. it had occurred to me to be proud i was resisting the urge to try to bury the emotions in the food, but it never ever occurred to me that one reason i’m feeling the emotions more, might be because it’s actually possible to bury emotions. thanks!