Death of a Malteser

Today someone typed in the search box: danger in eating mars bar choc.

How dangerous could it be? According to this Chowhound debate, you can it eat after the expiry date if you store it well. One time in the days of yore I was so gagging for a choccie fix that I ate an expired block of Home Brand cooking chocolate. I don’t think it would matter if you ate it fresh from the factory or seventeen years later, it still would have been vile.

What makes me sad is when you see a squashed Mars Bar lying on the ground, dropped by some careless fool. No matter how much of a chocolate snob I become, it still upsets me to see chocolate on a footpath, squashed by shoes or covered in vomit; never fulfilling its destiny. One time I saw some Maltesers, trampled and dissolving in the rain. It was just such a tragic waste.

Abandoned ice cream cones in the summertime, they make my heart sink too.

. . .

I’m in a world of pain today – a severe case of Fighter’s Back! I was punching like a madwoman at kickboxing on Monday night and three days later my back and shoulders are still aflame.

Like most things in life, you get what you put in with kickboxing. Remember that ill-advised Advanced class I took recently? My punches were pathetic and my kicks wouldn’t have harmed a flea – all due to terror and feelings of inferiority. I like to think I’m completely comfy in my skin these days, but I went all body-conscious when faced with those svelte assassins. Instead of trying to impress with my skills I held back – worried that they’d see my upper arms wobbling if I punched too hard, fretting that my t-shirt was exposing belly during burpees.

But back in my comfy Beginners group, I unleashed my inner Rocky. Not Rocky at his Apollo Creed-clobbering peak, mind you. More like Rocky before the montage with the carcasses: doughy but determined. I disappeared into this zone of intense concentration, it was just my fists and the glowing red target of the focus pads. Pow pow pow! I didn’t give a shit if anything was jiggling. Sometimes I forget that most basic law of the gym: everyone is there for themselves. Exercise is a deliciously selfish pursuit. So forget about the flab and let fly.

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18 thoughts on “Death of a Malteser

  1. My new favourite quote (yeah, that’s right, move over Gandhi!):
    “Sometimes I forget that most basic law of the gym: everyone is there for themselves. Exercise is a deliciously selfish pursuit. So forget about the flab and let fly.”

  2. Hey Shauna, just dropping by to say that I got the book today and have already read the intro and 1st chapter. I love it! Congratulations! And good job on being on the Marie Claire list! I can’t wait to tell all my friends about your book. Ok, that’s all for now. Ta-ta!

  3. Ahhhhhhhhh!!! The achy back, I shares with wiff you after doing Body Combat for the first time in about a year. Ooof. And boy, I feel you on the abandoned goodies. I feel the heartbreak.

  4. I lost an Eskimo Pie between the milkbar and home last night. That was extremely sad esp since we got to the milk bar just before it closed so there was no going back.

    🙁

  5. I’d have just run out of the class so I think you did well anyway.
    I’ve got the Rocky theme on my mp3 so when I’m running I think of that clip where he’s running and pretend I’m that fit

  6. Someone found my blog the other day using the search phrase “I slept with my boss now he ignores me.” …WHAT? And seriously, Google, what does that have to do with ME?

    We come across entire sandwiches on the sidewalk sometimes. Once it was paired with what looked like porn. My Hub referred to it as a “man trap” and edged away, looking for wires. Perhaps the chocolate also has a dark destiny, luring people into some underground lair that they’ll never escape from!

  7. Hi, thanks for dropping by my blog!!
    I lose myself at the gym sometimes (wish i could lose my arse but it’s still hanging around) and really push it. I don’t care if the flubber if flying cos I’m in the Zone.
    Then I get lazy… oh well, back in the saddle.

  8. My first thought:- “Why haven’t I seen abandoned Mars Bars or an confectionary for that matter?”

    My second: – I WANT to see DG with that fire and fight inside her. Will this footage of your Rocky performance be on YouTube anytime soon?

    Seriously. How good is boxing for making you feel alive and sore?

  9. I thought the book was going to come out in the U.S. in Spring 2008. But 2009!?! Can’t wait that long. Just ordered 2 copies from Amazon UK.

    My abs are reminding me that I started back at pilates this week in a class on a University campus. On my way to the class, I was thinking “You’ll be the oldest, fatest one there.” (58 in age, 40 pounds overweight) So I thought, “Okay, channel Shauna’s spirit and get yourself to class.”

    Turns out, at this stage of my life, I can attend a class with lovely 18 to 22 year olds and not feel bad. I’m the “old lady” in the group and it is entirely okay for me to be that way. Thanks Shauna, for helping me to get there.

  10. “So forget about the flab and let fly.”
    I’m taking this as my new mantra! You rock. I finally got back to my favourite class at the gym after 6 weeks of doing squat (meaning nothing, not the lower-body exercise) and boy do I feel it today! It’s a good pain, right?

  11. Got my copy from Waterstones last night. Remarkably speeding shipping to the US – only 12 days. I’m already over halfway through – it was tough making myself go to sleep last night – can’t wait to get off work and finish!

  12. hey shauna, well done!! love the top youve got on in the paper–where did you get it??? please??? thankyou!

  13. hey shauna, well done!! love the top youve got on in the paper–where did you get it??? please??? thankyou!

  14. MR, that is fab 🙂 i feel strangely proud of ya!

    thanks for all the comments folks… i am so behind on comments and emails, sorry sorry sorry!

    hello lulu! the top was from Ted Baker. I wish it were mine – the stylist bought it along, and some great Warehouse trousers – and once I got to the shops to buy em, they were both on sale and gone in my size. Wahhhhhhhhhh!