Flakes and Flaming Cheeks

Tonight I was typing away like a demon when suddenly! We had a power cut. I lost my blog entry.

I passed the time by opening up a bunch of those sample sachets you get in magazines. First there was a Body Sculpting Lotion which I slapped on my chest then waited for the magic to happen. Beneath the candlelight it all looked quite promising but now with the lights back on I can report… it’s a dud! Boo!

Next up was the Anti Wrinkle Day Cream which I daringly applied at 10PM. MISTAKE! Pain! Flames! What do they put in that stuff? If by Anti Wrinkle they mean Erode An Entire Layer Of Epidermis well then, they have succeeded here.

Anyway after all that excitement I’m having trouble remembering what I was writing about before.

I would have mentioned our BORING walk today. I am not entirely loving the Moonwalk training, I have to confess. This is despite the sparkling company I’ve had on my walks. It’s not so much my body that’s the problem but my tiny little brain. I like my exercise in short, sharp bursts of sweat and adrenaline and discomfort and possibly violence, e.g. Spinning or kickboxing. Anything longer than an hour and the mind wanders. This doesn’t happen so much with the hill walking because you are too busy thinking about forthcoming sandwiches and/or how much PAIN you are in. But with the Moonwalk, you’re training to walk 26.2 miles of a flat-ish course through the streets of Edinburgh, so you need to train on the same kind of urban terrain.

Gareth came along this afternoon and after half a mile of boring cycle path he said, "Whoa, this is boring isn’t it?"

"Yes."

"Why did you make me come on such a boring walk?"

"I didn’t! I specifically told you I was going on a Boring Walk. You invited yourself!"

"Oh! Is that how it is?"

So we ambled along for six miles arguing about who was the most bored, punching each other on the arm at half-mile intervals because there was nothing better to do. But we kept up a good pace and the air was crisp and bracing after this morning’s snowfall (which had melted after ten minutes). It’s only ten weeks until the Moonwalk so I shall load some funky tunes on the ol iPod and PLOD ON, baby!

I would also have mentioned how I am beginning to claw my way out of the health/fitness rut I’ve been in for about… six or seven months now. It has been quite a process. A few weeks ago I had that panicky feeling where it feels like you’ll never find that place again where you DON’T think about chocolate every seven seconds. Coincidentally I’ve had a lot of emails lately of a "Help, I’ve screwed up royally and fear I’m doomed forever" nature – is there something in the air? So I’ll yak more about this in the next entry.

I feel like I’ve got my focus back now, but two weeks ago I could barely function for thoughts of chocolate. I was making a deliciously healthy curry and gathering all the spices in a wee dish and all I could do was stare at the cinnamon stick with a ridiculous conversation raging in my head:

OH MY that cinnamon stick looks just like a FLAKE. Why must it be a cinnamon stick? Why can’t it be a Flake? I could bite into that right now. Even though I don’t like Flakes. Except I wouldn’t eat it, on principle! Because I can’t bloody stand that new Flake ad with Joss Stone in it, muttering away to herself and brushing crumbs off her boobs. Stupid Flake ad.

Flake

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42 thoughts on “Flakes and Flaming Cheeks

  1. Re Joss Stone: who brush chocolate off of their boobies? you pick it off and put it in your mouth- Surely?! x

  2. Dude, the way those anti-wrinkle creams work is by irritating your skin then it gets slightly inflamed and the swelling pads out the wrinkles. I’ve got one that hurts like hell but it works! Only use it for special occasions that are pain-worthy though.

    Arguing is a great way to get through those long walks. I reckon you should plan yr urban routes to take in interesting sites at regular intervals to keep it interesting – I’m thinking shoe shops!

  3. You don’t like Flakes?
    Crikey….
    LOL at the day cream at 10pm – sometimes when I’ve run out of day cream I put my night cream on in the MORNING!! Oooh!
    Once you’ve done the Moonwalk you never have to do anything boring ever again, for you will be a MARATHONER!!

  4. I have to say … although “The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl” is very difficult to find here in Calgary, Canada, I managed to get my hands on a copy. I had 4 days to read the whole book and I am proud to say I did it! It was amazing! I’m ordering a copy online as I plan to refer to it many times. Thanks for being so brave! Oh, and I love the blog too.

  5. i dont like flakes either.. yet i wud most other types of chocolate. strange..

    on a different note been reading through all your archives after reading your book.the book’s so good and its great to have a book like that which is positive and motivating as well as witty and funny. thanks shauna.. keep writing.. im hooked

    oh and i brought a heart rate monitor after reading everyone raving about it. still got to get to grips with mine as one minute im apparently dead, the next im having a heart attack!

  6. I LOVE FLAKES.

    anyway 🙂 Ive also been in that place.

    where you seriously fear you will never get it together again.

    cheering you on from Texas,

    M.

  7. I recommend a pedometer to increase the feeling of virtue during and after Long Walks, as then you can see exactly how much you’re doing (and help pass the time by calculating steps per mile, number of steps left, etc).

    Or just plug in to some podcasts on your iPod 🙂

  8. “that panicky feeling where it feels like you’ll never find that place again where you DON’T think about chocolate every seven seconds.”

    You’ve nailed it. I don’t want the willpower to smirk and move on every time I crave chocolate – I want to NOT crave chocolate! (Or whatever food… sadly it’s not just chocolate!)

    I had that a few years back when I lost quite a chunk of weight. Unfortunately I’ve put a bit back on, and I can’t seem to get back to that “not wanting” place. Oh well – keep looking!

    Just recently found your blog via WLR, and I really enjoy it. Thanks!

  9. yeah, I don’t like Flakes either (except crumbled on top of a trifle). The problem with the “crumbliest flakiest” chocolate is that you worry yourself stupid about wasting some of it as the crumbles and flakes fall to the floor (the ones you don’t pick off your jumper and eat, obviously)

  10. Lizi, I agree! Wouldn’t you just pick off the crumbs, or lift your top up to your mouth and lick them off if they were particularly tricky!? Mwhaha.

    Thanks very much Tracy 🙂

    Tazza – COOL! Well, for the archive reading, not for your near heart attack! Hehe 🙂

    LBTEPA – Tis true! I’m not really into Cadbury’s chocs in the UK, I won’t go into that debate but my tastebuds still prefer the taste of Australian Cadbury’s 🙂

    Nice to meet ya, Katy!

    Thanks very much for your comments guys. Hope you had a good weekend…

  11. Hiya.

    Just finished reading ur book & was upset as wanted more. Stumbled across this blog through WLR & now I’m happy! 🙂 lol

    I hate flakes as they r too crumbly, but I do love cadbury chocolate. I have managed to get my chocolate addiction under control now & when I crave chocolate I will only eat 1 small bar not 4!! lol I have also been known on occassion to share that small bar too which was something I would never have done 3 months ago!

    Think I might set myself a day for eating chocolate each week too & see if I can stick to that.

    Thanx so much!
    Sorry if I rambled on too much!

  12. Sadly, almost any choc would do for me, but how about Cadbury Twirl for those of you who love the Flake but cant be bothered to hoover it off your own boobs (well, in public anyway!)mmmmm…… Ultimate choco pleasure, who needs sex???? (I just about remember that…… almost 18 years married and two kids… need I say more!)

    Walking is my new thing, and glad to hear that the boredom is not just in my head, but others too!! I tried jogging, but I am so heavy footed it was an embarrasment, so I googled Power Walking, and I am giving it a go!! My husband now constantly asks “Still got that dollar bill between your butt cheeks then?!” Needless to say, the US instructions I found tell us to imagine a dollar bill thus inserted to help maintain posture, along with a sucked in belly and shoulders back !!

    Oh what a sight I must look. Hey, might even win RfL if I can get all the other laydees to fall by the wayside laughing themselves witless!!!!!

    Thanks Shauna, dont ever stop!! xx

  13. That’s why I have no ambition to run anything beyond a 10K (and even that’s still a pipe dream). Longer than an hour, and I would be very bored.

    I have been known to take a book along on boring walks, but although I can walk and read, running and reading isn’t going to work. I’ve tried (on the treadmill!) Maybe podcasts are the way to go – or audiobooks?

    I can see that none of this is helpful if you’ve got someone with you, though. It would be a bit sad to go for a walk with someone and both be plugged into your headphones.

    Cinnamon sticks do look deliciously chewable. I’ve never had any in the house in case I was tempted to try.

  14. I remember reading somewhere that once you get onto long runs/walks and start getting bored, that is when you go down the local library and start working your way through ALL their audio books. Not tried it myself, because the knee never gets that far…

  15. When I was 19 I traveled to Europe and was introduced to Flakes. I was obsessed. That and Aero drinks out of the machines. Wow.

    Years passed. When I visited Ireland at age 21, my first question was, “Do you guys have Flakes???”

    sigh.

  16. I’ve never even heard of a Flake and must say that is quite an unappetizing name as I keep picturing dandruff. Niiiice.
    Way to go on the walking, it is one thing to stick with something that is fun but a whole new level to stick with boring crap in order to reach a higher goal, I must chime in on the audiobook suggestion, might be helpful.

  17. Ohhh I am in the middle of a can’t-stop-thinking-about-chocolate phase at the moment, and it’s hell… Add to that your ‘Flakes’ comment and it’s all I can do not to leap from my desk, sprint down the stairs and hold up the convenience store across the street for a king’s ransom in chocolate…

    I love your blog Shauna, good work on the walking – I only wish I was so dedicated 🙁

  18. hey shauna, little tip.. you know in the interests of keeping your epidermis intact n’ all.. DON’T under any circumstances use MENS depilitory cream on your face without taking into account that it’s HIGHLY CONCERNTRATED and made for men. ouch ! on so many levels ! and it’s ever so tricky to try and hide your face, noone buys the michael jackson surgical mask look in suburban melbourne. LOL

    Oh, and your book was an absolute joy..Kmart is awesome for untapped literary resources such as yourself. 🙂 shout outs to you in my blog along with a rave review.

  19. I think audiobooks is ever so good to have in your ears when you’re doing boring training. Even better than music because you have to concentrate on what you are listening to and you don’t think as much about the boring training.

  20. Grrr, I too hate that advert. Whenever I hear her singing “Only the crumbliest flakiest chocolate…” I start to scream at the TV cos it is wrong on so many levels. How to plug a chocolate bar in the last few seconds of an ad that is basically just shameless self promotion!?! Try and sing it really fast of course in a sickly uncomfortable way that would even make Pollyanna gag! I am boycotting them!!! I just liked it better when the chocolate was compared to sex…

  21. hey thanks folks… i’ll definitely check out the audio books! most of my walks are with other people but i reckon i might take advantage of the longer days and do more solo ones avec book 🙂

  22. Hi – just finished “Adventures…” what a relief! I lost 105 lbs, got to “goal” and promptly re-gained 25 in the past year…Scared shitless, and my online WW support group started passing your book around and it finally found its way to me. The whole concept of “life getting in the way…” is MEDICINE to my tortured, self-abusing soul right now. I was already starting my “can’t do this again until I get skinny list” (and YES, I too have had one).
    Thanks – adding your blog to my favorites – I too “do know this crap” but you are the boost I needed…badly.

    TY DG! 🙂

  23. OMG!! You emailed me!! That was soooo kind of you and really what I needed. Thank you so much.

    Am going to look for an online diet support group to help (cant face any more classes, I am so with you on the agony of those slimming clubs!! My last one was all “I had a sip of beer and half a peanut this week, will I gain loads!!” God I want to slap someone……)

    Be back soon!!

    Sez 🙂 xx

  24. Your flaming skin cracked me up! That’s just wrong. I too have been wanting crazy amounts of chocolate. is it the weather? Please enlighten us!!

  25. Thanks so much for the e-mail Shauna. It was such a nice and unexpected surprise. I have ordered my copy of the book and I can’t wait to get to read it again. MMMM,chocolate. I have to say that I find that Flakes are my least fave of all Cadbury choccies … but of course they will do in a pinch (so do chocolate chips from the pantry). I have an appointment with a trainer at the gym tomorrow night. I’m feeling pretty intimidated and hope I don’t get some scary masochist hell bent on torturing the chubby chick! Yikes 🙂

  26. Audio Books Audio Books Audio Books. They are amazing! Even dry stuff you wouldn’t normally read- I think b.c. of the stimulation of exercise it seeps into your brain without much effort!

  27. My husband doesn’t get why I enjoy your blog so much. But, when I told him about the Joss Stone Flake ad, he said “Joss Stone, Chocolate & boobies?” “Sounds good to me!” So I have to forward a link to him at work where he’s got highspeed access. We only have dial up at home. Takes too long to download videos.

    I can relate to the boredom bit. I don’t walk-bad foot-but I bike. Long rides alone can be boring. But, riding with my wise-cracking buds is a blast-30, 50 miles or more is okay. The day I did a century ride (100 miles) for the first time, it was great. It was sponsored by my bike club & there were about 600 of us on the ride.

    I always liked murder mystery audio books when I did long car trips. Time just flew. Good luck with your walk.

  28. Hey lovely DG

    As a Moonwalk veteran (well, with one under my belt), I totally get the boring walk cloud hanging over you. The thing is, the marathon (because it IS a marathon) requires a different mindset. Like you, I need my exercise short and sweet. But do you know what? It’s just like your weight loss – it’s sometimes a b*tch of a process but SO worth it when you get ‘there’, wherever there is – not necessarily a measure on the scales but maybe that feeling that you had when you felt GOOD ENOUGH.

    All I can say is that you either change the company (Dr G aside, obviously!) or the routes. But but but I really want to say that you will feel SO proud of yourself when you cross that line. Maybe it’s hard to imagine now but take my word for it, it’s a great thing to have done!

    Keep going lovely DG! And stay away from the freebies!!!

    Big fat kiss.

    Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  29. Book sighting:

    You’re featured in the current issue of (Aus) Oxygen, girlie!

    Now, about the boring walks…why can’t there be sandwiches to look forward to, just like the hill walking? Maybe you could arrange to have friends waiting at various points with your favourites.

    :p

  30. RE: Audio books. I have heard that Stephen Fry is a joy to behold in his reading of Harry Potter. Also, the last book is 20 cds lasting approximately 25 hours. Umm, listening to them all could make the time fly?
    Get one of your fellow walkers to get one of those mad hoodies with the speakers built in so you can all hear, and walk the streets at night with your gang listening to unabridged 19th century classics – The Anti-Neds!