It's easy to look at the Before and After photos and forget about all the wackiness that happened in between. But whenever I need reminding I look at my trusty Diet Diary of August 2004. Holy analogue angst, Batman.
I'd had a brainwave to keep a paper diary of my food-related thoughts and become more conscious of my scoffing. First I wrote down what I'd eaten, then I analysed my daily performance.
2004 was a transition year in the lard-busting process – sometimes I was too busy travelling and swooning over Dr G to care about my weight, but other times I was hitting new heights of scale obsession. It annoyed me that that my social life was slowing down my shrinkage.
I was convinced the paper diary would be my saviour; The Very Thing to sort myself out Once And For All! It lasted all of two weeks. But it is bloody hilarious to read now; such desperation and bossiness. 26 going on 13. That's the beauty of diaries though – they're the perfect dumping ground for extremes of emotion.
It's a relief to see how my relationship with food and my body has finally mellowed and balanced out. It's sobering to remember how difficult it was to get there.
Not to mention shitty handwriting.
Exhibit A: Mantras
Don't remember actually chanting out loud, but evidently I was using envy and the snugness of my Enell sports bra as motivation. My sister was on a health kick at the time and I was spewingly jealous.
Exhibit B: The Twix
Why the hell was I angry at a supermarket!?
Exhibit C: Hot Love
My job at the time was a hotbed of dietary temptation. Every morning the Hot Roll Man arrived with hot rolls and fresh scones and every morning I'd struggle to resist his siren call.
Exhibit D: A small victory
Exhibit E: Message from above?
Exhibit F: Longing
I was so obsessed with getting under 90 kilos, and felt like my lardy issues were a dirty secret.
(I'm much more honest with Dr G these days. One of his nicknames for me is "Issues" Reid. Hehe.)
Exhibit G: Great Expectations
This was the last entry in the diary. I didn't realise how early on I'd pondered the Book Thing. And Gareth would have had a coronary had he known how early on I'd pondered the Marriage Thing!