Greetings comrades! How have you been? The jet is lagging today, so I am just going to jibber incoherently for a few paras. I got back to Scotland on Saturday afternoon after 36 hours of travel including 4 hours of fitful sleep and 2.5 hours of 'Australia' on the inflight entertainment thingy. Australia The Movie = Bollocks. But Australia The Country = Brilliant. I didn't want to leave! It was good times, people. Good times. At the departure gate I turned back for one last mournful glance at the wee newsagents, soaking up the tidy racks of Australian magazines and confectionary. I could stay, I thought. I'm totally allowed! I have the appropriate paperwork!
But I came back and it's all good. Spring sprung in our absence which made re-entry more pleasant than our last trip to Australia when we cleverly timed our return with the end of daylight saving for maximum darkness and despair. This time the garden was full of flowers and bumble bees and Eating Disorder Pigeon waiting expectantly by the empty bird feeder. Benito the Robin was nowhere to be seen however, leaving Gareth with a crushing case of Empty Nest Syndrome. "How could you leave me; I fed and nurtured you!" etc etc etc. Anyway. Oz. It's crazy trying to squeeze three years of absence into less than three weeks. You line up appointments with family and friends like you're the freaking Queen and just when we gets comfy it's all, "Must DASH, one has an afternoon tea to attend". It's impossible to get round everyone especially with the sprawling nature of the country. It's all very well for the likes of Metallica, having thousands of people wanting to see them. They just say, "If you want to see me, give me $200 and get your butt to Madison Square Garden". Whereas I would barely fill a quarter of Cowra Greyhound track with my pulling power. So the trip consisted of dashing from from house to house, guzzling loved ones tea and trying not to sob all over their shoulders because it had been too, too long.
Oh man now I'm going to blub again. Next subject! Weight Report: I gained 2.4 kilos on the trip. Don't gasp! I gained 6 kilos last time round so… result. Food Report: I'd been looking forward to gnawing the ears off a Red Tulip Easter Bunny but they didn't taste quite as orgasmic as I remembered. Same with the Red Tulip Mini Eggs. Of course I had to test FIVE mini eggs to make sure, before palming them off to my friend Row for her kidlets. Then I bought some Darrell Lea ones in case THEY were the tasty ones I'd longed for but they were unremarkable too. Maybe I've been spoiled by the Green & Blacks? But don't despair, I've not become a chocolate ponce. My favourite choccie in the universe remains Cadbury's Top Deck – a block of chocolate with milk choc on the bottom and creamy white upstairs. Rhi, Gareth and I shared a 250g block. Well Gareth didn't get that much of a look-in. Hehe. Best newcomer: Wacky salad leaves. I loved the leaves before I left in 2003 but there's even better ones now. Tiny delicate little fellas in all shades and shapes. "I wish you could live in two places at once," I said to Rhi during the never-ending flight to Dubai, "There's so much to love about living in Australia, but then Scotland has stuff I can't imagine being without now." "Yep. It's just like supermarkets," said Rhi, "You can never get everything you need in just one."