I want to know about your fantasies. Tell me every filthy detail!
Don't worry, this site hasn't been hijacked by a sleazy spammer! I am talking about fitness fantasies.
You know how people say, "well it's all very well for Oprah with her personal chef and trainers and all!" blah blah blah. Well let's just pretend we're in an alternate universe in which money and time are no object. In terms of fitness and healthy livin', anything is possible. Anything at all. Nothing is too ridiculous.
What would you do? Who would you like to meet? Where would you go? What would you purchase? What would you like to try?
- I would go on a poncy yoga retreat (for beginners) on an exotic island where you get massages and tropical fruits between the bendy classes.
- A gym would open up at the end of my street with Body Jam, Body Pump, yoga, Pilates and spinning classes at times very convenient to me.
- Just in case I couldn't be arsed walking to the end of my street, there'd be a magical home gym in my fantasy spare room. It would have one mirrored wall, gobs of free weights and kettlebells, a punching bag, a spinning bike, a treadmill and a cushioned floor so I bust some kickboxing moves. Oh oh oh and a widescreen wall-mounted telly to do workout DVDs.
- I would visit Cathe Friedrich's gym in New Jersey and attend some of her classes.
- I'd have a personal training session with Bob and Jillian here in Scotland. It would crack me up no end to walk up Dunfermline high street with Jillian Michaels and see her WTF-ing at Greggs The Bakers et al.
- Before she nipped off back to LA, Jillian would make me a personal MP3 workout so I could do cardio with her yelling, LAST CHANCE WORKOUT, GINGER! I really need heavy-handed motivation when it comes to cardio.
Note to Jillian: have you considered selling downloadable audio workouts, a la iTrain or CardioCoach? So cheap to produce, so much less work than that fancy WiiFit stuff!
- I would have a wardrobe makeover with a crack team of fashion experts, They would bring the clothes to me as shops make me grumpy.
- I would have an Access All Areas pass to the London 2012 Olympics. Just to watch, mind. No athletic delusions here.
- I would have a column in a mag like Zest or Self for which I'd be obliged to try a different and wildly expensive sport every month and it would pay so handsomely I wouldn't have to do anything else.
- I would have an endless supply of ultra-flattering Ellie Gray contour gym pants.
- And non-skanky quality gym t-shirts.
- And it would be great if they could all be self-laundering.
- I would have an endless supply of TJ's Crunchy Roasted Almond Butter.
- I would have a massive vegetable garden where everything always grew properly. There'd be delicious selection of baby salad greens growing all year round regardless of neglect and snails.
- Someone would invent a bra as effective as the Enell but not in that creepy fabric.
- I would have the Mother of All Fitness Gadgets strapped to my wrist. Stylish heart rate monitor GPS route planner barcode scanner MP3 player Swiss Army Knife… that's another post altogether.
- I would posses a gym bag that can actually contain all of my kickboxing sparring gear PLUS my yoga mat… so on Monday night everyone at kickboxing can stop making the "Whoa, are you going camping again?" jokes every time I tumble into the room like a packhorse
I could go on all day but I will spare you.
Dr G has shared his fantasies too:
- To be totally fit and buff without any effort and/or drug abuse on my part to avoid putting on my annual "winter coat" of lard.
- To be able to consume copious amounts of real ale, crisps and chips with curry sauce without any effect on my waistline.
- To have time and health to complete all 283 Munros, including overcoming vertigo to do the really dodgy ones.
This post was inspired by the amazing Angie of You Look Fab who recently wrote about her fashion fantasies.
So… do you have any fitness fantasies that you want to share? Please be as elaborate, wild and unrealistic as you like. The wackier the better!