It ain’t just a river

ThinkingThere is a mutant breed of Positive Thinking that is called Denial.

Like if you decide to focus on the many many many great things in your life, and ignore the black cloud that's hovered over for months and months.

Or if you write selectively about that one good day or that one cool thing that happened, and forget about the twenty good days that didn't happen because you were hiding from your friends and eating toast on the couch instead.

Or if you focus on that one kick-arse kickboxing class you did this week, and ignore the five sneaky chocolate bar wrappers in your handbag.

Or if you tell yourself you really love this dark baggy daggy sweater, it's not because you want to be invisible. You were never one for dressing up all foxy-like anyway!

Or if you smile when a colleague comments on your Ultra Healthy Lunch, even though you're contemplating a cupcake run as you fork in the lettuce.

Or if you admit to your excellent husband, I feel as low and hopeless and lost as I did way back when I was 350 pounds… but since you're fitter than ever and your clothes still fit (ish) and chairs don't collapse beneath you, you've got nothing to whine about really!

Or if you've fancied writing a ranty blog entry about feeling awful, but don't do it because you know you have no real reason to feel awful and you'll get a Get Over Yourself email from a stranger, and what's the point because after all you're only One Good Day away from feeling fantastic again!

But how bad do things have to get before it's bad enough? How rubbish do you have to feel before you treat yourself with some kindness and self respect again? Does it have to be an extreme like morbid obesity or can't-leave-the-house-depression before you DO something?

Dude! You can tell yourself that you're a Glass Half Full person but if the glass is full of crap, that's not a very appetising beverage.

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71 thoughts on “It ain’t just a river

  1. I love that you’re willing to be so honest on your blogs, it’s obviously one of the reasons people love you so much. You know the successes in your life can often have no correlation with feelings of depression, right? It doesn’t make sense so we feel guilty, leading to feeling even more crap. Take care of yourself now, talking to someone or in whatever form that takes for you (but not piling guilt on yourself for not eating and exercising perfectly!). The longer you leave it, the harder it is to climb out. Having dealt with similar struggles, I do understand and would just say be gentle with yourself. This too shall pass. Even if you’re not feeling very awesome at the moment, I still think you are. Hugs from home.

    p.s. it was 39 crapping degrees here a couple of days ago, does that help?

  2. Hi Shauna

    I’ve never commented before but have been reading for a while now. I think you are awesome too! I know I feel down when I don’t have anything challenging and exciting to be working towards. What about a new sport to get you excited about exercising again?

  3. Oh heavens to Murgatroid…
    Here’s the poop: no advice, no glasses halfway anything. Just a virtual hug and a kiss to someone who has earned more than a few days “out of the loop”. I’d say “This too shall pass” but that would a) sound ridiculous and b) far too biblical. So, instead do whatever you f*&*ing want and we’ll be there on the other side.
    XO

  4. Hi Shauna! I’ve only commented once before but I know what it’s like to be in that place and I just wanted to share something with you that helps me when I’m feeling hopeless and useless and generally down. The kicker? It’s something you wrote in your blog a while ago about your personal happiness philosophy. It’s something along the lines of “small pleasures, big goals” and I think it’s so, so brilliant. Sounds like you’re okay focusing on the small pleasures when they come along (and who says that can’t be something small every day?), but maybe you don’t feel like you have a big goal? It’s not losing half your weight, it’s not writing a book. Maybe you just need something really big and epic to work towards. I think all of us who read and love your blog would agree that you have all the drive and the brains and the sass you need to do or be anything you set your mind to. 🙂

  5. I so get this post. Seems this post was just for me. I am in such a slump and I cannot seem to get out of it. I am back up 20lbs and seem powerless to stop. Starting to feel like I did at 243.

    Help!!! LOL

    I will get my mojo back. I will get my mojo back. I will get my mojo back.

  6. Oh, you poor thing. It could be hormonal, it could be the arrival of winter, it could just be a down patch… but none of that changes the fact you’re miserable.

    So no advice for now, just a hug.

  7. Wow this was a powerful entry for me. I am one of those people who thinks that you can solve most every problem with a cheerful attitude. My favorite answer to a horrible day is tell myself “pack a picnic and go to the park, you will feel better, there will be cookies…” I am seeing more of the need to allow ourselves and others the luxury to be honest about our feelings. Thanks.

  8. Hi there.

    Wow! What a great photo to suit where you’re at. That orangutan sure doesn’t look happy. I know how it feels. Sometimes it feels like everything is going to sh*t and will never really be right.

    I’m thinking of putting up more photos of happy times around my place. Just to remind me of how life is good. And how many great people I have around me.

    Do you have many photos up around your place? What’s your favorite?

    TK

  9. Hi Shauna,
    Have been following you for a while now as one of them loathsome lurkers…anyway, this post inspired me to come into the light in order to offer another big virtual hug. EVERYONE is allowed off days, weeks, months, whatever and there should be no shame in admitting that. Personally, I think this grey British weather has a lot to answer for :-). Take big care of yourself and know that there are loads of people floating round in the ether who have never met you but feel like they have come to know you a little bit and care loads about your wellbeing.

  10. Shauna, I don’t know what to say other than to send love and support … please don’t be afraid to look for help. And don’t do that thing (I know I do it) of “But other people are going through so much shit and my life is really pretty good and so I should feel guilty for feeling a bit down most of the time” … that way madness lies!

    Sometimes, feeling awful is hormones or brain chemistry or whatever particular weird quirk your body/mind has come up with. It doesn’t have to be reasonable or logical. It can be dealt with.

    (I was going through some hysterical-sobbing-fits a couple of months ago, and a lot of grr-don’t-even-touch-me with Longsuffering Boyfriend … and coming off the meds I was on for PCOS seemed to fix the majority of the crappy-mood-stuff.)

    Please think about having a chat with your doc, or someone. And DON’T be afraid to because you’re worried that you’re wasting their time (you pay your taxes, don’tcha? Hell, get your money’s worth ;-)).

    And if you want to rant to a sympathetic audience any time, you’ve got my email address! x

  11. Often people who suffer from depression notice that it runs in cycles. Maybe that is what you are experiencing?

    My partner, for example, crashes hard roughly every five years – doesn’t matter how good or bad life is at the time. Usually the best remedy is a slight increase in medication for the duration of the rough spell. I know a lot of people feel as though taking pills spells defeat, but I disagree. I tend to believe that mental ailments should be treated as neutrally as physical ones. Sometimes brain chemistry conspires against you and it doesn’t matter how right you are thinking or how good you are doing.

    Either way, best of luck to you. I’ve never commented here before but I have enjoyed your writing for years.

  12. I don’t see this as being any kind of denial, sounds more like depression. I know it well, hope you feel better soon.

  13. Oh, we’ve all been there and resisted to urge to let it see the light of day. But how then would you get to know that you’re not alone? I appreciate your honesty and know that even thin people get the blues. When the half-full crap glass is looking too full I try to think beyond this point (as it is hopefully temporary), remind myself that it won’t be this way forever and think about what’s around the next corner. It works about 70% of the time. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  14. Hi,
    I only discovered your blog about a week ago but I love the way you write and the way you approach life. I just wanted to say: it’s OK to have times when it feels like you’re not so much full-steam-ahead as knee-deep-in-mud.
    Everyone else has already given good advice, like being gentle on yourself and trying to find something silly that will make you smile and building up from there. In the meantime, orang-utans are very charming in their own way! Take care, and hope you feel better soon.

  15. “one good day away from feeling fantastic again” – i’ve been on that merry-go-round for the last year or so aswell. can only send you virtual hugs and reassurance that the blog is a space to vent it and all the advice above. particularly about being gentle on yourself and not trying to pull yourself up by the bootstraps. there comes a time when that is really not the solution at all and just making things worse.

  16. @julie – i think by denial i guess i mean denial of depression? i’m not quite sure 🙂

    thanks all for the comments… i’ve got a lot to think about and really appreciate you checking in!

  17. I too am a long time chronic depression sufferer. Sometimes you don’t have a “reason” to feel the way you do. You can have a great husband and a life full of things you love and want and still feel like a pile of dung. It sucks, but it’s ok. It’s not whiny or wimpy, it just IS. During those times all you can do is your best, listen to what you need to make it through and when you come out on the other side you can get back to working harder. Hugs and love from across the miles. Be gentle with yourself and don’t judge yourself as harshly as we always do.

  18. Shauna, this entry sums up EXACTLY how I felt off and on for years. What the hell is the point of all this? Why can’t I do anything right? Why am I so grumpy, cranky, (insert whatever self loathing adjective you use here)? You’re not alone. A lot of us have gone thru this, and haven’t been able to “Snap Out of It” on our own.

    Earlier this year, I was wandering around wondering why life was so hard? I had no excuse for feeling that way. I felt like a lazy, whiny, useless sack for feeling that way, which didn’t help. One day, I actually felt good. Don’t know why or how. And I realized that it had been so long since I felt ok… why couldn’t I feel ok more than once in a blue moon? Finally, I gathered the courage up to ask for help. It may be scary and it may seem to you that it’s whiney and self indulgent and so on, but that’s just depression talking. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s good to ask for help.

    My help consisted of Wellbutrin and my first shrink ever. I had no idea what good the shrink would do. What would we talk about? I was so nervous the first few times I went. But, really, a good psych is like a forest ranger, guiding you out of all the dark gloomy trees and taking you to see the the forest from another perspective. That, combined with some good brain chemistry, may be the path out of the darkness.

    Hang in there. You’re fabulous. You deserve to feel good. You deserve help, if you want it.

    And thank you for all you have done. You made a huge difference in my life, and the lives of many others.

  19. I could have pretty much written this entry myself. I have no words of wisdom or advice, just wanted to send my support and wish you all the best *hug*

  20. You’re awesome. Thanks for the honesty–we’ve all been there and many of us are there right now, right there with you.

  21. I’ve never commented, but I wanted to say I LOVE your blog and thank you for being honest. It’s hard to tell the world you’re having a bad day when you have such a great life. I get down on myself a lot when I eat the wrong things or skip the workout and sometimes it’s just good to get it out there and move on. Hugs!

  22. I’ve been there, and I am there now. The thing is, even if everything in your life is good and okay, sometimes the brain does its own little thing. Two things have helped me when I remind myself of them: 1. Just because you think something, it is not true. 2. There are situations, your thoughts about the situations, and your feelings about the situations. But it is your thoughts that are responsible for your feelings (not the situations at all).

    Awesome comments here so far! And a big hug from me, too!

  23. Sorry, just for clarification, sometimes it’s not so easy to get the small things and nuances right in English. I meant: 1. Just because you think something, it doesn’t have to be true (necessarily).

  24. I don’t have much usefule advice but wanted to join in and send you a BIG SQUEEZY HUG. I think you are wonderful!

  25. Dear Shauna!
    You have the right to feel good about yourself consistently, and if that is not the case, you also have the right to get yourself some help so that you CAN feel that way. Binge Eating Disorder is no less insidious than Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa. While you brilliantly got a handle on it in the past–just like alcohol or drug use (Oh, Goody-goody!) it has a lovely way of becoming an issue again at any point in life. Having read your story, the early pain & tearing down of your self esteem was a clear setup for depression, and as you documented so openly, your using of food. I also recall in your tale that you did go to therapy, but that you did not develop an honest enough rapport to really deal with the food issues.

    The great news is that you are an insightful and articulate person, and therefore you are an excellent candidate for talk therapy. While you blog for people all over the world to share, you may just need the comfort of a therapeutic relationship–ONE person hearing you, as well as you hearing yourself talk honestly out loud about all this stuff. I knew it was time for me to go when a co-worker casually asked, “How are you?” and I said in a weak moment, (blubbering suddenly) “Um..NOT so good!” I ended up getting a great therapist to help me deal honestly with my feelings, and even ended up getting significant help from taking Wellbutrin, although I no longer do so now.
    If you need a kick in the ass to get going, just imagine what kind of peace could be on the other side of these crappy feelings. The thing is, being a beacon of hope to a bunch of fat people, which you ARE, does not mean you don’t also need some help every now and then just for yourself! Who amongst us doesn’t?
    Much love and hugs to you!

  26. *hugs*

    I’ve been there, I’m sort of still there, it’s not about measurable problems, if you’re feeling like shite then you’re feeling like shite, no need for excuses. Email me if you want a couple of helpful book recs, I’ve got some from counselors that have made a real difference.

  27. Please know that you inspire so many people on a daily basis. When you’re feeling down, remember how far you’ve come with your weight loss journey and keep holding on to the things that have made you so successful so far. We all need social support, and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it!

  28. I sympathise, I really do. When I got to my lowest ebb, before I sought help, I would deliberately sit down and make myself watch news footage of people in famine areas, war zones, disaster areas, beating myself around the head with the fact that there are millions of people in the world worse off than me and I had NO RIGHT TO FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF. Of course, that is not the point. Depression has nothing to do with how good or bad your life is. It’s an illness. You are not surprised if you catch flu when your life is going well, and depression is equally no respecter of outward success. You may just be in a bit of a dip and head skyward again under your own steam. But if you don’t, ask for help. (And hugs.)

  29. Sending love from across the ocean. I don’t think you’re feeling sorry for yourself, I think you’re being honest. Think about what you need to get your mojo back, and ask for — no, demand — it.

    I have moved into two new houses, though, and I am sure that a lot of it has to do with the “Holy f***! This is so much more work than I thought it would be!” Buyer’s remorse — the first house I bought, I sat down on the floor and cried at how ugly everything was and how much work it was going to be to make it liveable. This was the house that people always said, “You are so lucky to have a cute place like this” after we had done all the work.

  30. Ahh Shauna – have you been reading my mind again!!!!!! I was wondering the same thing last night. How much crying do I have to go through before I admit that I need help and seek out the person who can give it to me.

    Hang in there. You are a strong woman who has done amazing things in your life and you have inspired many other people to change their lives. You have a loving hubby in Dr G and he is only a step away. Big hugs and thoughts are being sent in your direction from the Gold Coast Aussie.

  31. You don’t sound to be in a very happy place at the moment – I could offer lots of sympathy – and I certainly do feel for you – but my impression is that you’ve lost a bit of your control – and if you’re anything like me that’s scary and threatening. So my two bob’s worth is to work on weeding out some of those things which are consuming lots of your attention and time and get back to focussing on just you for a while till you feel you’re back in control. Might be totally off track here and if so just think she’s havering and ignore me!!! Thinking of you sweet pea! Z xx

  32. *hugs*

    I kinda understand what you’re going through. I’m having existential “what do I want to be when I grow up” issues right now, and I feel guilty for even CONSIDERING leaving my stable, cushy, corporate job when a lot of my friends are dealing with unemployment or underemployment right now. I’m pissed about being stuck 20 lbs above my goal weight, but how can I be that upset when I’m in the best shape of my adult life?

    Ignorance is bliss. When I was at entry level, I thought, “Once I move up to a respectable position I’ll be happy! That’s all I need to be happy forever.” Same with the weight. “Everything will be PERFECT when I’m skinny. It’s just this weight. Once I lose it, life will be flawless.”

    Except it’s not. Sure it’s better. But you don’t want better. You want awesome. I miss awesome.

    I hate winter. Let’s blame it on that.

  33. Aw, girlfriend! I’m bummed to hear that you’re feeling this inside…it sure didn’t come across in the podcasts. I’m not sure what to say, other than I hope the blue feelings pass quickly for you. Some of the posters with more experience in it than I have suggested it may be depression; if so, it may be worth getting some help? (FWIW, I’m a generally optimistic person who believes that positive thinking can do many things, but thinking happy thoughts didn’t keep me from getting diabetes. Nor does it take the place of the things I have to do to keep it managed.)

    Having said that, do I like what Tracy (#3) said: “do whatever you f*&*ing want and we’ll be there on the other side.” I’ll be there, too!

  34. Yeah, me too. Am I crazy? Are you crazy? Nuh-uh.

    At least, not according to my psychologist anyway. Hopefully, she knows what she’s talking about, she charges plenty. LOL.

    I’ll get through this, and so will you. I have faith in us. *hug*

  35. Hey babe, what happened?? Yes, you are entirely allowed to have an off day, or week, and be grumpy and whingy and self indulgent if you like. You’re human 🙂 And no, you don’t have to have can’t-leave-the-house before doing something – saying RIGHT I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS is enough. *hug*

  36. I really need to hear that! I’m down to a healthy weight from where I was about 5 years ago. I wonder why I am so ridiculously harsh on myself. I could completely relate to everything you said. Thanks! You are not alone!!!! And no one is perfect.

  37. Here’s another hug your way. It’s OK to feel sad.
    p.s.
    sadness is a side effect of flu, and can linger for weeks. Ask a doc.

  38. It doesn’t matter how much people say that being ‘thin’ doesn’t solve all your problems, I still subconsciously tell myself, I won’t feel as down with I am thin. I write thin, but in my head already I have said to myself “IF” I get thin.

    But your honesty, humour and your determination, is and always has been mighty admirable.
    Best wishes and I hope your day flies by and tomorrow sunshine brings new enthusiasm.

  39. When I feel like this I like to listen to U2’s “Stuck in a Moment”. Not an instant cure but it reminds me this time will pass.
    Hugs.

  40. Sending you lots of love and hugs juice baby. We all go through these cycles. God knows I’ve been going through it weekly because I’ve just taken on too much this entire year. But it’s all in how we react and deal with all the chaos. I do believe that if you focus on the positive, you’ll manifest more positivity in your life but if you focus on the negative, that’s exactly what you’ll get more of. It’s not about denial. Admit whatever is going on and try to make a plan to help change it for the better hon. And you’re allowed to go spack. I had a spack attack the other day because my dark cloud just got too heavy to hold back. We need balance. The yin and the yang and all that. Can’t have one without the other. Don’t be too hard on yourself gorgeous girl. Big {{{HUGS}}} x

  41. Did the clocks going back seem to bring it on? I get Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD) which starts every year when the clocks change and I think I remember reading in your archives that you have felt down in the UK winter before? If you think it might be SAD then try and get out in the middle of the day to get as much sunlight as possible. Good luck!

  42. Late to the soiree (d*mn me for trying to have a life :)) BUT I love love love a line from a comment above.
    it would be a book title if I didnt think Tom Robbins would call his lawyers:

    Even thin people get the blues.

  43. it is a recommittment and an effort every day – isn’t it?

    For me it is striving to stay EVEN – the number on the scale is just a part of EVEN.

    Sleep, water, exercise, staying ahead in my household tasks, keeping on top the clutter, quality of my food, keeping calm – the list of all the things that I have to do to stay EVEN is rather long – but effective for me. And I think every little piece is just as important as the others. Like all the logs tied together to keep my raft afloat.

    It sucks if I start to lose my way. Suddenly everything sucks if I start to lose my way.

    I so feel for you.

    Hard to remember that it is one foot in front of the other. Hard to remember that we have done it before and can do it again. Hard to help oneself.

    I always go back to this – as silly as it seems:
    Briefly stated, the three laws are: An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by a net force. Force equals mass multiplied by acceleration. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. (Laws of motion by Sir Issac Newton)

    Major hugs to you.
    You are loved (by all of us).

  44. I love your site–you are such a delightful presence on the Internet. You have “overcome” so much, but you can’t overcome feelings and memories and things that trigger bad memories. Short-term therapy, something that gives you the skills to deal with dark times, might be the ticket. Do not suffer for one more day!! Also, there are wonderful (affordable) sun lamps. Get one stat!!

  45. Sometimes you’re just going to feel craptacular. That’s how I felt when I ate an entire pizza and half a dozen chocolate cupcakes last night. For me, weight loss is all about patience. I will be patient with myself when I eat too much and get a food hangover. I will also get my butt up off the couch and get back on the treadmill. I’m not perfect, and neither are my efforts, but I’m not giving up and neither will you 🙂

  46. Shawna,

    This post is an important one, and reflects multiple journal entries I’ve made when in a tough place (especially when I have previously had great success). Please, know that you are cared about and that we understand. Keep us posted with all the honesty you can muster…and know that we think you are great!

  47. Excuse me, I did /not/ give permission for my photo to be used on your blog!

    At least, that’s the sort of thing I see when I look in the mirror. I’m blaming time-of-the-year, time-of-the-month, and time-of-the-day (getting dark so much earlier).

  48. Sounds cheesy, but I’m sending you a virtual hug because I’ve been there too.

    I, for one, certainly don’t blame you for not wanting to post about it on here if it means that you might get a snarky ‘get over it’ email from some random idiot… on my bad days, someone looking at me a bit funny is enough to make me lose it, so I think you’re incredibly brave to put yourself out there like you do.

    Never feel like you have to minimize your own issues because someone else has it ‘worse’… it’s all relative. Your problems are important because they’re yours, just like mine are important because they’re mine.

    Take care of yourself, there are a lot of people out there who think the world of you, always!

    xx

  49. Please ignore the morons who tell you to ‘get over yourself’, Shauna. Just hit ‘delete’. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and I (and I’m sure many others) get something out of all your posts. Not only the ones where you share your achievements, but also the ones about the crappy times you’ve experienced. Reading and talking about the not-so-good days is reassuring for the rest of us – that no-one’s perfect and that we’re not alone in experiencing shitty times in our lives, regardless of what weight we are.
    Others have reccommended seeing a counsellor/psychologist, and I do the same. I’ve been doing this for my depression and eating issues. It’s a long road, and talking about such personal stuff is hard, but at the same time, it relieves some of the burden I’m carrying. It really is worth doing.

    I’m sending a hug to you 🙂

  50. er… sorry that my comment was not as, you know… useful or serious… but I DO love you and sometimes a glass of wine and some trash tele helps me…

  51. Hi Shauna. You’ve been such an inspiration to me this year on my own weight loss journey–I’ve lost 106 pounds, still hoping to lose about 15 more. So first off, THANK YOU for your blog and your part in my success. I’m going to be in a magazine’s weight loss story at the end of next month, and I’ve already been hearing how inspirational I am. The thing is, this past week has been awful for me as well. I had really felt I was past cravings and binging and disordered eating, and this past week I just snapped and got sucked back into bad habits. I SO related to what you wrote. I’ve now had 2 good days feeling back to normal/healthy/strong/happy, but it was a very rough week, and in the midst of it, I couldn’t fathom how to pull myself out of it. And I wonder if some of my craziness was due to suddenly feeling a lot of pressure to be perfect because now I was a freakin’ INSPIRATION and people I didn’t even now were going to see me in a magazine–so many eyes on me! So I wonder if that ever gets you feeling overwhelmed. What finally helped for me was talking about it, writing about it, praying about it, and having a great run on Friday and really starting to talk back to (what I now like to call) the binge-demon. I used some colorful language to tell it to leave me alone–I love my family and myself, and I’m not going to put up with its crap anymore. I’m sure I’ll get sucked into the dark sometime again, but for now things are looking good. I’m hoping you’ll be able to say the same soon, too.

  52. Oh, know just how you are feeling. Hope some way to get out of it though. Hoping your spirits lift soon.
    (((HUGS)))

  53. Hugs. I love that you’ve articulated what I, and obviously a lot of other people, are feeling.

    We love you (in a non-stalking Internet kind of way)

  54. Maybe a joke will cheer you up:

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four-hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

    “Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

    He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

    Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

    Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!”

    The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

    “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely……

    A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k ? ”

    Sorry, that’s all I got today.

  55. Depression doesnt care how big you are, how pretty you are or how clever you are it just decides to piss on your day, hun. My dog died 5 weeks ago and I hate my work and life right now. I am still in denial – its easier. xx

  56. Oh Shauna – I could have written this myself many times over the years. I only wish I knew what the solution is. Not much I can add to all the excellent advice except that there are so many of us who feel the same way you do and thanks for being so honest.

  57. Oh Shauna, no advice, we’ve all been there and we know how sucky it is, just ((HUGS)) and sympathy, and letting you know that this too shall pass.

    Joc
    xxx

  58. I know the feeling and quite frankly I think we should be able to indulge in a little wallowing every now and again and not always be told to look on the bright side because it is healthy to remember life isn’t all fantastically wonderful – but it is also good to remember some of the good things that sneak in – and one of the positives about this entry is the entertaining way you can write about feeling a bit glum. Hope you can grapple with all the grab bag of emotions that seem to be swirling around in there!

  59. Hey there folks. Thank you very kindly for all your comments, they are always appreciated! I’m going to close the thread while I gather my thoughts.

    The new podcast tomorrow covers a bit of this stuff! Really truly lovin’ the hell out of the podcast… pure fun and a new hobby to really get your teeth into.

    Have yerselves a good Monday and cheers again.
    xxox