Half deer

Bambi "You've got lovely long eyelashes," I said to Dr G last night, in an attempt at being nice instead of our usual juvenile banter.

"That's because I'm half-deer," he replied.

Last Saturday we went for a walk up East Lomond. It's only half an hour to the top so there was no need for me to whinge! We flopped on the grass and listened to the skylarks chatter and the tourists huff and puff. The hill has a great view of Falkland, one of my favourite Fife villages. The only thing I like about hills, aside from eating sandwiches at the top of them, is how they make you feel like an insignificant speck of dust. Instant perspective!

Two years ago we stashed some boxes in our friend's loft as we were fixing up our flat to sell. We finally picked them up on Sunday then I spent all arvo unpacking boxes and rediscovering old books and notepads and my boarding pass collection that I thought was lost forever. It made me remember for the 757th time lately that I'm passionate about a lot of different things. For a very long time, I've been so lost in writing about the size of my arse and desperately pimping a book about the size of my arse and answering questions about the size of my arse and other people's arses that I'd almost convinced myself I didn't know anything else. Or wanted to do anything else.

Those boarding passes made me remember that wild hunger for adventure that got me on the plane from Australia. The urgent craving for new experiences. That glow in my stomach I felt when I first tottered along Edinburgh's cobbled streets. For all sorts of reasons I'd let my hunger grow dull. I'd stopped thinking about why I came here and what I wanted and got bogged down with what I thought was right and/or would make others happy.

You know how some people stick a photo on the fridge of when they were skinny and aspire to that? Instead of a previous body I'm going after an old feeling. I know a time when I felt like my whole body was quietly buzzing with joy just to be alive and I am working to get back there. Heal the mind and the arse will follow!

What else has been happening? I've been destroying my fingernails in the garden, watching the resident Eating Disorder Pigeons with Dr G, sprouting mung beans and snow peas in a groovy sprouter thingy, reading like a mofo, writing on paper, seeking professional help and stuffing the diary with as many fun things as possible for the summer to come. I also bought a tacky lounge chair for the garden so you can bet it will now pish down with rain for the next twenty weekends :)

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43 thoughts on “Half deer

  1. Amen to that. Arses are all very well in their place, and ripe material for pinching and booty shaking, but you don’t want to spend your whole life up to your ears in arse.

    Maybe DG needs to go on another foreign adventure? Well done on the prof help, it’s tough going but a good long-term investment in yourself (to be corny) x

  2. “Heal the mind and the arse will follow.” You are brilliant, my friend. I find myself in a similar place these days. As always, its nice to know that others have similar experiences.

    I’m so jealous of your garden. I have my little row of herbs in pots on my balcony, and I day dream about having real, legitimate dirt to play in.

  3. Nice try you spamming jerk! Your comment has been deleted. GRRRRRRRR!!!

    Thanks for the nonspammy words penny d :)
    >

  4. Shauna, what an inspiring post. A lot of us get to that point where we get so focused on what we are trying to accomplish and detaching from the feelings and emotions that perhaps got us there in the first place that we seem to forget that the feelings are GOOD too!

  5. I’m very jealous of your eating disorder pigeons. I’ve had a bowl of seeds on my balcony for months and the birds haven’t touched them. They just hide in the trees nearby and make a racket – very ungrateful.

  6. Heal the mind and the arse will follow – i am SO getting that on a t shirt!HA!

    Also – I am probs gonna blame you for the crappy weather on account of the lounge chair….

    Lx

  7. I just finished reading the Dietgirl book last night. I’ve been reading your blog since about 2003! This post was a really great after dinner mint. Wonderful. Please keep us posted on your next grand adventures!

  8. Shauna,
    I’m so glad to hear that your mind is casting out out to what you might want to embrace next. I wouldn’t be where I am today without having read your wonderful book, but there is so much more for you out there besides weight loss, just waiting for you to embrace!

    You’re an excellent writer, you love to travel and discover new things…I’m so happy you’re thinking to your future and to what else you want. Your arse is important, but how fun to remember that you GET to get out there and do more stuff, just for you…not for us. You’ve proven you have what it takes to make something big out of your own efforts.I wonder what you’ll take on next? How truly exciting!

  9. You know, I’ve read your blog and books (have the British & American versions of Diet Girl) and I don’t think I’m aware of what your other passions are?…I know you like to blubber bust, cook, write, and travel, but what are your other passions that have no connection to the nutition and fitness aspect of your life? I’d love to read about your other endeavors.

    I find that life becomes an interesting balance of our life endeavors, careers, and health…I wish I was better at the equality in that balance…but sometimes things skyrocket into priority (ok, all the time.)

    And what does “arvo” and “pish” mean?

  10. I think gardening can heal all sorts of ills, and I think you’re probably right about the forecast. Every time I get a new fun outdoor accessory, it rains every weekend.

  11. I know exactly what you mean. I was just telling someone today that I’m waiting to feel the click that puts me into high gear. In the meantime a friend just gifted me with your book, so maybe that’ll do the trick!

  12. Although I wish you would give up all other pursuits in order to post on your blog everyday, I fully support your desire to get back to adventuring. How bout come climb MY Lomond – link to en.wikipedia.org

  13. Your post reminds me that I’d meant to write after recently rereading your most excellent book — I recommend rereading the travel sections yourself, as I was struck by how happy and excited and full of joie de vivre you were in those moments. Time for some spring traveling, perhaps?

  14. There is nothing like that buzz you get from discovering a new passion, it’s like being in love (without the tricky bits). Can’t wait to hear what the next adventure of Dietgirl will be :)

  15. I think Dietgirl’s next adventure ought to be traveling the Gardens of the UK! You’ve clearly demonstrated your mastery of All Things Horticultural, so why not give the entire realm the benefit of your knowledge? If nothing else, it would be a great excuse to pack up yummy sammies for the daily excursions.

    By the by, if you’d like to come by MY garden to help me eradicate the single grasshopper I found last night, that would be fabulous.

  16. How about an adventure to Ontario, Canada to go on a canoe trip? I’d be happy to show you some of our (many, many, many) lakes and rivers! ;-)

  17. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live life without a thought toward the size of one’s bottom? Every now and then I can live like that. For a week. Maybe two. Then I remember about being fat and step on a scale and see that I’ve lost ten pounds. Then I obsess and starve and make myself miserable. *sigh* I hope you find your happy feeling. My own has been difficult to keep hold of.

  18. Shauna, I just finished reading your book and I just wanted to tell you it was very inspiring! I was cheering you on throughout the whole book and was amazed at your transformation. Congratulations on everything. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. What a story it is!

  19. I wish I had a boarding pass collection – like little windows into other experiences – I have recently put lots of my photos into a random screen saver and it is amazing to have photos from different times in my life pop up before me and remind me of such different feelings I had then – it actually makes me feel that I am the sum of so much that has gone before me – I am too old to try and recapture it but I guess having a giggling toddler helps to just slow down and enjoy life right now

  20. GOOD MORNING lovelies!

    Thanks for your excellent comments!

    I added a link to the entry, but wanted to explain the “heal your mind/arse” comment is a butchering of a Funkadelic lyric, gotta credit these things :)

    link to en.wikipedia.org…_and_Your_Ass_Will_Follow

    @Bex – arvo is Australian for afternoon. pish is Scots for piss – so “pish doon raining” means the heavens have opened!

    @Nicole – Personally I find a happy feeling is something that ebbs and tides; life is not a constant party. but the happy feeling does hang around more often when i put dedicated time and effort into it, hurrah :) Good luck to you too!

  21. I’m so glad you remembered that feeling and try to get it bag. My own life is been so dull for these previous months. All I do is go home and school and night school and home… day after day. Sometimes I feel I’m gonna die,but I don’t know which is worse being bored to dead or being stressed.Please tell us, what are things you are dreaming or and what you wanna do.

  22. you might be the cutest thing going. your writing always makes me smile. glad you are working on your even-ness.

  23. “Heal the mind and the arse will follow” – I already have that on a t-shirt! HA!… LONG TIME NO SEE SHAUNA! TAKE CARE… Pete

  24. I think you’re a brilliant writer and damn funny too. You could write about anything and I’d probably read it.

  25. I love that you have a boarding pass collection! My lovely husband (who oddly enough, has eyelashes like a dog) has a world class collection of little leather bookmarks. I tease him about it but secretly I’m very proud!

  26. Figuring out how to fix yourself (or at least what the problem might be) is always a relief. Sounds like you’re making steps in the right direction.

    I always feel better when I have a focus or passion… it’s those times where nothing in life is fun and there’s nothing to look forward to that get me down. Right now I have triathlon training and some vacations upcoming so things are lovely – come fall I’m going to need something new though or I’ll get all grumpers again like I did this winter.

  27. Hey Shauna! Actually, I thought of you in this context last week with the Postsecret Edinburgh skyline secret, did you see it?:
    link to bit.ly

    My brother claims to have camel eyelashes and that he has to tip his head back to open his eyes because of the weight of them, but he lies.

  28. I’m happy to know that there’re another two people whose banter is juvenile. If I had a penny for every fart joke I made, I’d be crushed to death. By the weight of all the pennies.

  29. I think this is one of the best, heart felt entries that you’ve written in a long time. I HAVE been reading you since your days in Australia and I do remember following your blog because I wanted to see what new trip you were going to go on. Remember when you used to scrimmage your money (and eat less!) in order to put away enough cash for a trip somewhere with your sister? Kisses DG.

  30. just finished your book(gift from one of my daughters-I LOVED it!!!)-I could relate to much of your past experiences-especially the family issues-you and my two daughters inspire me to keep moving forward towards my goal of a healthier lifestyle-although nothing in life is ever perfect,by having a positive attitude,one can aspire to a better way of living… physically,mentally,emotionally and spiritually-YOU ROCK,SHAUNA!!! Debbie P. in Watertown,Wisconsin,USA(cograts, on your marriage!)

  31. And just to confirm: the size of your arse, please?

    HehehehehehehHHEHEHEHEHHEHEEHHEHEHEHAHAHAHA.

    YOU RULE THE SCHOOL, SHAUNY BABY, YOU AND YOUR FELLA, BAMBI-BOY.

    XXXX

  32. It’s a bit too late to discover this, but you and my Loved Husb were made for each other. Half the books in this house contain grotty old boarding passes, some a bit nibbled or wine-stained, for all over Europe and the far East. Must be something in the antipodean genes. The only reason the other half don’t is that I’ve sometimes surreptitiously binned them when they fall out :-0

  33. Love sprouting beans. I could not get my teenage son to eat any green veggies until one day I discovered he liked sprouts. Now we raise all kinds of sprouts. They are wonderful and so easy to grow.
    Have fun.

  34. we’re all so concerned about the size of our arse that we tend to forget about the other things. It’s called obsession. When I was blocking out the size of my arse (or rather the size of my arse was blocking out the sun), I was interested in photography and music (like making music; I have a theremin and an electric violin, like Bill Bailey and Billy Currie respectively) and I was putting my passion to work.

    Now I am concerned about the size of my arse and I’ve learned I need to be less obsessive. It’s a learning process. I haven’t dusted my off my violin yet, but the camera’s been going a bit more. Step by step!

    Love Dr. G. Half Deer! had to LOL there for a second, ferreals!

  35. Argh, you’re so right. I have been rooting through old stuff in anticipation of my upcoming move, and a lot of it does bring me back to times when I just looked at the world totally differently, and I want that back. I don’t suppose the bills and responsibilities would go away if I managed to get back my high school idealism, but it definitely puts things in perspective.

    I also just straight-up want to read your book again! Maybe I will. :)