The Comeback

Can you believe it, guys? It's yer old pal Dietgirl, finally updating after being incredibly slack-arsed about it for over six months.

Where to begin? This year has been just plain crazy. It was one crippling event after another, and I thought I had the skills and knowledge to not turn to food for comfort.

But I didn't, folks. It's taken me a few months to get up the nerve and come back here and admit that. I knew all the platitudes and catchphrases. I knew you're sposed to set goals and go forth and throw out that junk! I knew what to do to get back on track. But for awhile there, I was completely lost and could not pull myself out of that hole.

Not only was I back on the loony pills again for my depression, I stopped exercising, I started hating myself again, and I got physically sick. In the past two months I've been totalled by severe flu three times, too weak to eat or move from bed for up to a week at a time. It scared me, as I've never had more than a day off work from the flu, and I'd always had enough energy to watch me some TV! But this time I just slept and slept.

Maybe it was because of the craziness with my job or the other things, I'm not sure. I think I had just worn myself out, pure and simple. My body just could not cope.

Before I got all sick and depressed, I had become a lot more social. While still heaps bigger than my friends, I felt damn good about my body and people were encouraging me to come out and have fun. So I did! But I ate too much and I certainly drank too much. Funny how you lose weight and feel like a "normal" person, you start acting like one and forget  that you're not quite there yet.

So what happened? Did I have some sort of epiphany to get me back on track? Not really, unless you count not being able to fit into a single pair of my pants. And my sexy jeans I got back in February, remember? They were cutting me in two. As soon as I'd eat my lunch, I'd hear the quiet little ssssssshloop of the zipper unzipping itself!

I had been in serious denial that I'd done any damage. Then I noticed all my fitted tops were become quite snug again. And I was struggling up the stairs to our apartment.

I panicked. I couldn't believe I'd let this happen. I looked at my behaviour and the steady increase of weight and decided what was missing: accountability.

I'd stopped going to Weight Watchers coz the whiny women just piss me off so much. And I'd stopped having my regular weigh/measurement sessions at the gym coz my favourite Gym Chick Cathy left. Without anyone watching over me, I sneakily started eating again, thinking noone would ever notice! Not until my bloody clothes didn't fit.

A colleague of mine at work has joined this weight-loss organisation and was having good results. I wasn't so much interested in the diet as in the fact you have one-on-one consultations. None of this standing-in-a-queue WW crap. And it's not just about the scale, they take your measurements as well. So three weeks ago I signed up.

As you can see from the sidebar, I gained over 10 kilos back. So far I have lost 5 of those, and already I am back into my jeans and all of my pants and my tops are wearable again. All because I now know I have to front up to this place each week and it's totally individual, just me and the weigh-lady, and I am totally accountable. I gotta say I like that feeling.

More importantly, I'm right back into my exercise! I even walked up a little mountain last weekend! It took an hour to get up there and it was so bloody steep I thought I'd keel over, but I kept going. I could barely walk the next day my arse was so bloody sore, but it was worth it.

Finally I am feeling positive, like I am back in control of my life. Getting my website back together is the next step of my accountability process. I don't know if anyone is still out there or still remembers, but if you are, glad you stuck around. I am gonna get there.