Mile High Blog

That last entry sure was depressing, eh? But here I am, writing this late at night way up high in the sky, just to reassure everyone (and myself) that it's not all doom and gloom.

I've met some inspiring successful maintainers through this site and they've often told me that it sucks... but it does get easier over time. And even though I would have to be the slowest learner of all -- I'm like those insects that hurl themselves into light bulbs over and over again and taking forever to realise ouch that hurts, perhaps I shouldn't keep doing that -- even a chump like me is finding it easier as time goes on.

Example of progress:

2000 - ATE: 2 litre tub of ice cream. REACTION: Complete catastrophic meltdown and at least 7 day banishment to the Self Loathing Pit.

2006 - ATE: Mars Bar.  REACTION: Oh well, eat less tomorrow.

(Of course this doesn't happen all the time, there are occasional hysterics. Like last week I purchased and swiftly demolished a pack of salt and vinegar Hula Hoops while waiting for the train, then sat looking at the empty packet wondering how/why that happened and despaired over what long-time readers of this site must think. Is she thick? Will she ever learn?)

What I love about having a Fat Blog is how you can start writing an entry feeling distraught about some Fat Issue and by the time you've spent an hour thrashing the keyboard, your thoughts have cleared and you realise the situation is not as terrible as you thought. Like when I watched that episode of Real Story last week, I was soaking up the anxiety and gloom of all those women they interviewed like a grotty old kitchen sponge. But when I finally finished writing about it on here, I realised I am not those women. I am really not doing as badly as I think. It's getting better all the time. You really have to focus on the positive steps you've taken and give yourself some credit. I am NOT as obsessed with food as I used to be. It's really been tamed into just... unbridled enthusiasm!

And we're all doing okay. All us kids in internet land. We are learning off each other all the time...

Corn alert! Corniness ahead!

Tonight at Heathrow when I was all bored and lonely since my stinking flight was delayed, I paid £1 for ten tiny minutes of internet time just to check the comments. I got all sentimental thinking about us geeks and how I've watched us shrink yet freaking grow! This is not about exercise tips, recipes and well-meaning advice, it's watching each other kick ass and fall over and get up to kick ass again, with everyone cheering and commiserating each other. There's just such a great vibe with this blogging thing sometimes. I know I never would have come so far without all the folks out there to engage with. Onward and downward, comrades!

End of corn.

You have to understand it's been an emotional day, kiddies; full of planes and airports and goodbyes. I went to London to see The Mothership before she headed back to Australia, and I got to hang out with her and my sister. We had afternoon tea at a posh hotel for her belated 50th birthday present and feasted on cucumber sandwiches and fiddly French pastries. And it only occurred to me now, up here in the plane hours later,  how absorbed I'd been in the moment, so chuffed to have the old gang together again for the first time since April 2004. I'd guzzled five cups of tea and 2.5 scones piled with obscene amounts of jam and clotted cream, and not once did I panic about the calories. I just thought, COOL, here I am in the swanky hotel with my two best ladies and this is mighty fun.

I felt this calmness all weekend. I ate some great food but was completely sane and sensible about it. For once I came away from London stuffed with happy memories of the friends and family I saw, instead of stuffed with remorse for my overindulgence.

So now I am scribbling all this on the back of my boarding pass (online check-in rules!) at 11PM. The captain says we're 75 miles from Edinburgh and it's mighty turbulent. But I just wanted to get this down and I vow to transcribe it later without editing it to death and tell you all it can get better, even if you're a bit thick like me. I ain't afraid of a scone no more.

Comments

[1 · Posted by pastgirl · July 31, 2006 at 11:11 PM]

Bravo!!!!

[2 · Posted by Margaret · July 31, 2006 at 11:14 PM]

Inspiring as always, thank you, thank you, thank you...

[3 · Posted by sandii · July 31, 2006 at 11:40 PM]

so true, the less i beat myself up over those slips the easier it is for me... i awoke with new vigour this morning, deciding that the days of being stalled are to end, i feel the same inner strength i had the day i first decided enough was enough, so just over half way and after about 4 months of being stalled i've decided it's time to move on... slow and steady, but it has to be moving.

[4 · Posted by Nessajane · August 01, 2006 at 01:19 AM]

Did I just witness progress? A turning point perhaps? It is so wonderful to see you talking this way and realising just how far you have come. The 70's really can't be far away now! Go get em mate. Love NJ

[5 · Posted by Els · August 01, 2006 at 02:29 AM]

I just want to say you're fabulous!! I just love your blog. Whenever I get the chance to drop by it gives me a smile. You, and all those other bloggers out there, are the reason I'm improving my attitude to food, weight and me every single day. Thank you!

[6 · Posted by Gracie · August 01, 2006 at 03:03 AM]

You have helped me in more ways than just the dieting thing... I'd love to meet you one day and give you a giant hug of thanks for all the encouragement you've provided! Cheers Shauny!

[7 · Posted by kathryn · August 01, 2006 at 05:29 AM]

Woohoo - I like your line about unbridled enthusiasm.

I know only too well about soaking up the negativity - I only have to read something about someone gaining weight or having excessive skin and I'm sure it's going to happen to me. Kind of like reading the symptoms of any disease and being convinced I have it.

[8 · Posted by Cat (NL) · August 01, 2006 at 06:28 AM]

You never fail to make me smile. There's hope indeed, glad to see you made it through the turbulence! onward and downward

[9 · Posted by Sandra · August 01, 2006 at 09:15 AM]

Damn. Missed that show online - and came into work early just to see it.
Anyway, your entry today is inspiring. You prove that it is possible to deal with this stuff in our heads (as well as what we put into our mouths) if we commit time and energy to it. I have to admit I am still trying to come to terms with my own issues and wonder if I'll ever get there. But I do know that whether I do or not is up to me. I have the power the same way you had the power.

Thanks for showing us a personal view of the healthy way to change our lives and being such a beacon of hope.

We all jested a few posts ago but you really are the queen of diet blogs - or better said healthy lifestyle blogs!

BTW: gorgeous photos. That's an inspiration too.

[10 · Posted by Linda · August 01, 2006 at 09:32 AM]

Ditto to everything that Els said! You ARE fabulous, and for me, finding your blog along with a number of others, and discovering this whole amazing community out there has been way more valuable than any therapy or one-size-fits-all diet program could ever be.

And by the way, no apologies needed for the so-called corn, Shauna. It was lovely of you to say that, and I am betting that we all feel pretty much the same way. How very lucky we all are to be living now! Fifteen or so years ago none of this even existed!

[11 · Posted by beee · August 01, 2006 at 09:58 AM]

I am still a self beater upper of note but yes, I too am getting better :) Glad to know that the improvement continues. Glad you had such a good time in London.

[12 · Posted by Donalda Bint · August 01, 2006 at 09:59 AM]

I'm glad the jolliness is back. I'd been trying to think of a reply to your last entry but hadn't got there yet.
The lifestyle thing, well, I take my hope from sport. I jog and bike and enjoy these things. I went years not doing them and I think that that makes the difference. That is a lifestyle change and lots of folk who don't do sport or exercise don't get that.
And it is ALWAYS ok to have a couple of scones with family! It is like if you only drink fair trade coffee and you refuse to drink anything else (moi) and then you go to your lovely and venerable great auntie's and she whips out the Nescafe... Do you scream 'drop the fascist brew, auld yin!' or do you say 'why, a drink of your coffee is just the very dab, auntie dear'. ALWAYS ok...

[13 · Posted by maggie-moo · August 01, 2006 at 11:17 AM]

so true!!lik the other day went out 4 a birthday,bt i was like, i'm just gonna eat something proper and can like burn off the calories at the gym tommorrow anyway. there's no point in depriving yourself the whole time like- you'd go insane!

[14 · Posted by Lynne · August 01, 2006 at 12:21 PM]

You are eons ahead of me and I am grateful to know that losing and maintaining really is HARD WORK, forever...

THAT said, once you get your brain wrapped around that notion (and it appears as though you have) you can actually manage the maintenance AND enjoy your life!

I'm glad that you had a great weekend with your sister and Mom. I don't know what I would do without mine!

[15 · Posted by Debbi · August 01, 2006 at 01:09 PM]

I love your blog, and love-love-love your corny comments today. I, too, have a deep appreciation for bloggers, who have inspired, encouraged and helped me grow. I know if I were trying to lose my weight on my own, without blogging, I'd have quit a long time ago. How do I know? This is the first time in five years of trying that I've added blogging to the mix. And after seven months of consistent losses, I'm not quitting. Food plan? Check! Exercise? Check! Blogging? CHECK!

[16 · Posted by Elaine · August 01, 2006 at 02:47 PM]

Beautifully said! I'm inspired.

[17 · Posted by moonbee · August 01, 2006 at 06:46 PM]

Would you look at that... I think I was just inspired to start one of these here fat blogs myself!

You are teh awesome, you know. From a nearly diehard lurker, no less.

[18 · Posted by TC · August 01, 2006 at 07:35 PM]

I have been fighting this same battle trying to walk the tightrope of being conscious of what I eat and how much without obsessing and weighing myself 15 times a day to see how eating that last thing affected my weight. I am proud that this time, i seem to be winning the battle. Like those moths in your post, I have finally realized that if it hurts me, stop doing that!

[19 · Posted by Sue · August 01, 2006 at 09:57 PM]

Vince Lombardi: The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That's real glory. That's the essence of it.

[20 · Posted by Denise · August 01, 2006 at 10:15 PM]

We never fail until we stop trying, right? I'm so far away from giving up even though I seem to binge every day...I will get through this and be stronger on the other side.

[21 · Posted by mari · August 02, 2006 at 01:41 AM]

Awwww, DG. That was happy.

[22 · Posted by Tracey · August 02, 2006 at 03:10 AM]

Another great blog DG. You've come a long way baby............

[23 · Posted by Tracy · August 02, 2006 at 08:07 AM]

Some cheese with your corn - I luv you too XOX

[24 · Posted by Q · August 03, 2006 at 06:20 AM]

Its nice to know that you can enjoy some speccy time with mum and sis and the idea of diet is wiped aside by love and happiness and the spur of the moment.

Some moments need to be diet-less, especially when you have come as far as you have. Thats what all the hard work was about in the first place yeah?

For me though it still has to take precedence for a while before I can 'relax'

[25 · Posted by Adam · August 04, 2006 at 08:30 AM]

I can relate to your tub of ice cream example! I know I am getting better because I can handle small setbacks now. Before they would totally derail my longterm efforts! Not anymore. I think that is hurdle #1 most people need to get to - limit the damage and dont kill yourself over it!

PEace,
Adam

[26 · Posted by M · August 08, 2006 at 04:38 AM]

I love corn ;D