Twas The Night Before Moonwalk

1 day to go

This time tomorrow night I'll be waiting for the stroke of midnight, my cue to start Moonwalking along with 11,999 other bra-wearing folk. Shit! Shit! Shit a brick! I mean, woohoo!

We had a bra decorating party last Saturday - Dirty Dancing, Chinese food and a sea of sequins, fluff and taffetta. There was booze galore but nobody drank much as our hands were too busy with scissors and needles and glue. Conversation was minimal; just random bursts of song and swearing when thumbs were stabbed.

I tried to channel all the skillz learned for my Brownie sewing badge circa 1986. Thankfully Claire had earlier dyed all our bras a lovely shade of fuschia pink, so mine looked pretty cool already as the lacy bits stayed white. It took me three hours just to sew one bit of frill along the bottom and a squiggle of silver across each boob. Check out them highly accurate stiches. Brown Owl would be proud!

Here is the finished product, nestled lovingly against Gareth's engineering textbook. Some serious engineering going on in that bra,too.

Since Saturday I've been in state of Wardrobe Panic. I'd been so focused on walking the 26.2 miles that I totally ignored the do-it-in-your-bra bit. During training I wore a long-sleeved top with my boob-crushing grubby ye olde Enell sports bra underneath. The bra above was supplied by the Moonwalk folk and Einstein here didn't bother trying it on until Sunday night and discovered that it isn't supportive enough to tame my girls.

Well, DERR! That's Australian for DUH, btw. Why the hell would a frilly bra be suitable for an 8 hour walk? Of course I panicked for a couple more days until it was too late to order a different bra online or go shopping in Edinburgh. I've come up with an eleventh hour solution with a second bra and a large pot of Vaseline but really, I am tempted just to wear it as a hat:

I reserve the right to keep this photo small
due to current state o' haggardness.

I feel like a twit writing this, but I had a total Fat Girl Freakout on Sunday. When I signed up late last year, I thought the Moonwalking in your bra was such a fab way to raise money for breast cancer research and I was pretty cool with my body these days so bring it ON. But the wave of panic started on Saturday night - looking at my bra, looking at my colleagues, comparing my body to theirs, feeling larger and wobblier by the minute.

The panic grew overnight then on Sunday afternoon in the shower, I just started bawling my eyes out. I felt so sick to my stomach, the thought of my bare arms and bare belly out for all the world to see. For my work colleagues to see. I felt like a fraud; like I'd been disguising myself as a Normal Person just like them and now they were going to find out I was a wobbly-armed mess.

I thought about how there was something noble about a scar from a surgery or a stretch mark from bearing a child, but what if your impefections are just your own bloody fault; the result of too much chocolate and chips and whatnot? For those ten minutes under the shower I felt ashamed and angry, thoughts racing through my head that had not surfaced for many years.

After I had my good old cry I towelled off, got dressed and tried the pink bra on again. I took photos from a bazillion different angles and just looked at them on the computer for ages. I calmed down after that. You'll be alright, ya dork.

90% of the time I live and breathe that bit of my silly book where I go on about embracing all my lumps and bumps. But I guess embracing said lumps in everyday life is different from having to parade them around town all night long. Like I said, I feel like a goose even writing about the Freakout, but I like to be honest; not just with you but with myself. This feeling-good-in-your-own-skin thing isn't always smooth sailing. I still have my little moments but thankfully they're fleeting these days.

Really, I can't wait to get out there tomorrow with my mates in my beloved Edinburgh. The big night is finally here and I think it's going to be a hoot.

Comments

[1 · Posted by LBTEPA · June 14, 2008 at 01:47 AM]

How exciting! Have a great time!
Could you wear it over your enell? Probably not... oh well it'll be dark and there will be heaps of other people FREAKING OUT a well. I myself could NOT be more IMPRESSED with what you're doing. You're a legend!

[2 · Posted by Kek · June 14, 2008 at 01:55 AM]

Just keep reminding yourself: You're AWESOME.

There. Bet you feel better already.

[3 · Posted by amanda · June 14, 2008 at 02:11 AM]

I remember Statics! well...barely.

Go on and flaunt your stuff girl! We're our worst critics, I bet others will think you look absolutely fab in only your brassiere.

Best of Luck

[4 · Posted by LaLa · June 14, 2008 at 02:21 AM]

Lookit how TINY your bra is!!! You are going to look gorgeous and awesome. This is just like on that "How to look good naked show" where the people all like "lookit my thighs" and then Carson puts a big photo of them in their grundies up on the side of the building and people are like "she's HAWT, she's a 9 out of ten!". You are HAWT!

Good luck and have fun! xx

[5 · Posted by Miss · June 14, 2008 at 02:32 AM]

oh come on! you're a BEAUTIFUL girl!! the rest is the rest...<3

[6 · Posted by G.G. · June 14, 2008 at 02:38 AM]

Good luck, Shauna! It's going to be fantastic! You're going to be fantastic!

Hope you have fun!

[7 · Posted by Peita · June 14, 2008 at 02:42 AM]

Good luck Shauny! I'm sure once you get in the thick of the other bra-wearing lassies, you won't feel a bit self conscious. Hope you have a great time, Pete :-)

[8 · Posted by Reny · June 14, 2008 at 03:07 AM]

Good luck Shauna! And don't worry; it's impossible for you to look unfabulous. I'll be crossing my fingers for you in Toronto!

[9 · Posted by amyinbc · June 14, 2008 at 03:14 AM]

Put the bra over an appropriate shirt (and inner bra if needed) and GO!!!! You are going to meet so many other fabulous women and their interpretation of being in 'bra' you will be amazed.

Now stop sobbing, get out there and make us proud. Wobbly bits whatever! (We all have our own, trust me :)

[10 · Posted by Jen · June 14, 2008 at 04:19 AM]

Proper support is v. important--wear the pinky on the outside of the sporty and jiggle with pride. My friend (32 years old) is embarking on her final round of breast cancer chemo this week. She's already lost both her ta-tas--do it for her.

[11 · Posted by Kada · June 14, 2008 at 04:19 AM]

I agree with amyyinbc, stick it on over your t-shirt or singlet. Bet you won't be the only one.

Me, I'd do that. Shit scared I'd get a chill in my back and kidneys with all the sweating.

{grin} At least you're not "Too Pure To Be Pink!"

[12 · Posted by Hannah · June 14, 2008 at 04:48 AM]

You will look amazing (in a mad, decorated pink bra kind of way), and it will be fun! Best of luck!

[13 · Posted by Laura N · June 14, 2008 at 04:57 AM]

Shauna, you're such a hero for sharing yourself here. I'd feel the same way about my wobbly belly, it's such a mess. But, you know, the vast majority of the women walking won't have perfect bodies. It will all be fine. I'd wear the pink bra (which is so pretty!) over your Enell. It'll be the only time your Enell will look gorgeous! And at least you'll be comfortable & supported. I'm sure you've got a solution figured out already that will work for you.

Have a great walk!!!!! So proud of you.

[14 · Posted by Andrew is getting fit · June 14, 2008 at 06:49 AM]

I hope you really enjoy the moonwalk! Knock em dead! You are awesome and I'll be looking forward to your post moonwalk report!

[15 · Posted by Zanna · June 14, 2008 at 07:01 AM]

What a heart rending post - but so many people will relate to your anguish and I'm so proud of the way you worked your way through it and came up smiling again. All the very best of luck you wonderful girl! Love Z xx

[16 · Posted by tapshoes · June 14, 2008 at 07:59 AM]

I read this blog every day and today it has brought tears to my eyes ~ I've never posted before, but I just wanted to say GO DG!!! you can do it, and you will look fabulouso, I know it!!

[17 · Posted by kathryn · June 14, 2008 at 08:33 AM]

Good luck.  We all have our freakout moments, but you only get one bod in this life so it's got to be better than the alternative really!

[18 · Posted by Cazore · June 14, 2008 at 08:59 AM]

You are doing a wonderful thing, not only in doing the Moonwalk, but in chronicling all of your progress to inspire others like me that it can be done. I have no doubt that you will look great in that pink bra of wonder but I would worry about burning or freezing respectively (or lets face it with our geat British weather-both!)so I'd want something underneath! Bet loads of women there do. Anyway I'm digressing, thanks for being real and sharing all of the bits you probably really don't feel like sharing, just makes you even more a superhero lady and don't you forget it-even superman had kryptonite... xxx

[19 · Posted by Cat · June 14, 2008 at 10:28 AM]

Can't wait to read how you get on, go DG go! :D And hey, we all have those shower moments hug!

[20 · Posted by MizFit · June 14, 2008 at 11:39 AM]

such a normalizing gift to the blogesphere that you say this:

This feeling-good-in-your-own-skin thing isn't always smooth sailing.

yours in pushups (thanks for THAT PUSH as well),

M.

[21 · Posted by sally · June 14, 2008 at 12:00 PM]

Your bod is fab, fit and super looked after. Theres nothing to worry about- u have trained, u have the support of your mates and the grattitude of all those benefiting from your hard work. Have a spectacular time. You rock Shauna!! xxx

[22 · Posted by vickie · June 14, 2008 at 12:15 PM]

you are simply wonderful and brave for doing this - bra thing aside - it is a MAJOR event/challenge! I'll be cheering for you!

[23 · Posted by Marla · June 14, 2008 at 01:38 PM]

I think having a little Freakout is required for any occurrence of appearing in public in one's underwear! You would hardly be normal if you were totally ballsy about the whole thing. But I know you will look fabulous--PLEASE wear a bra on your head! And I know you will have a fabulous time and make a million friends and come home exhausted and happy. I am so jealous!

[24 · Posted by Sam · June 14, 2008 at 02:29 PM]

Sending you oodles and oodles of luck and good wishes and the permisson to sleep all next week!! ;-)

[25 · Posted by Erin · June 14, 2008 at 02:43 PM]

Just wear two bras if that one isn't supportive enough. That's what my roommate does at the gym because one of her breasts is the size of my head. It's a really pretty bra by the way, you'll look awesome in it!

[26 · Posted by K · June 14, 2008 at 05:23 PM]

Oh, Shauna. Hugs.

I would feel exactly the same, I think - and would definitely be going for the T-shirt-under-bra solution.

I hope you survived and are now sleeping peacefully!

[27 · Posted by Wendy · June 14, 2008 at 06:25 PM]

Good Luck Shauna, I'll be cheering you on from the warmth of my big soft bed ;-)

Wear the Enell, then a t shirt, then your pink bra - you don't want to injure your girls!

[28 · Posted by Claire · June 14, 2008 at 10:24 PM]

Good luck Shauna for your Moonwalk - hope all goes well and congrats for doing such a wonderful thing! I shall be doing the Race for Life tomorrow (Sunday 14th) which is a small fraction of what you are doing.

[29 · Posted by Jorden Randall · June 14, 2008 at 10:32 PM]

Good Luck! Your gonna do great!

[30 · Posted by Sarah · June 15, 2008 at 01:00 AM]

Don't think about the wobbly bits, think about how wonderful your body is - it's strong and fit and able to walk a number of kilometres that I can barely think about. That's wonderful and I really envy you. Go Shauna!

[31 · Posted by rand(om) bites · June 15, 2008 at 06:53 AM]

Yep, just imagine how many other people will be doing it with you and have done it with you by the time you get my comment! You constantly inspire me girl :-)

[32 · Posted by Pollyanna · June 15, 2008 at 08:38 AM]

Hey Shauna
Check out how your book is going on book-crossing. There are a few copies travelling around and some very good reviews.

www.bookcrossing.com

And good luck for your moonwalking.

[33 · Posted by Susan · June 15, 2008 at 09:16 AM]

Hugs Shauna, can't wait to hear all about it!

[34 · Posted by Ally Whitfield · June 15, 2008 at 09:32 AM]

Aw! I think you've been completely naturalised as a Brit! And specifically a pale, wobbly Scots person. I hope you laid off the 'spoyd walking' (a la Kath n Kel) and strolled to your achievement with minimum bounce and 'chub rub' (my lifelong personal affliction at the top of the inner thigh, tis a very Scottish thing!). To be able to stay awake at that time is a massive acievement in my eyes, let alone pound the streets of Edinburgh (it's nae exactly flat terrain!). Well done to the Pink Ladies, I am in awe!!

[35 · Posted by tokaiangel · June 15, 2008 at 10:07 AM]

10 to 1 every single woman taking part has had EXACTLY the same freak-out. Seriously, if you didn't, you wouldn't be human. Or female, at least. And I'm pretty sure now you've got back you can confirm that sore feet quickly become a more pressing concern???

I shall pre-empt the barrage of congratulations - cannae wait to hear all aboot it, hin!
TA x

[36 · Posted by · June 15, 2008 at 03:06 PM]

Woo - Go Shauna!!
So proud of you first of all for attempting such a crazy feat, and secondly for writing so honestly about your freakout.
Like many have already said, I'm sure everyone else had their own private freakout too!
The thought of thousands of women of all shapes & sizes traipsing through edinburgh in their bras all for a good cause, makes me so proud to be one of the fairer sex :)
Can't wait to hear how it went.
Well done you!!

[37 · Posted by dg · June 15, 2008 at 03:47 PM]

thanks so much you guys.
i finished. i'm alive! just :)
hope to update tomorrow :)

[38 · Posted by ali · June 15, 2008 at 03:54 PM]

you are awesome and don't you forget it..

hope the walk went well... was thinking about you all..

[39 · Posted by Crazylady · June 15, 2008 at 05:24 PM]

Love the honesty! It's what makes the difference. Hope the walk was great and that you enjoyed it... well as much as anyone can enjoy a 26.2 mile walk in their bra. :)

[40 · Posted by Sagan · June 15, 2008 at 05:53 PM]

Its so pretty! Hope you had a super time.

[41 · Posted by Isabelle · June 15, 2008 at 10:38 PM]

Well done!!!!

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm sure you looked great all the same.

[42 · Posted by goodbyetoallfat · June 16, 2008 at 02:43 AM]

Hope you had a fantastic time!

[43 · Posted by dietgirlismyhero · June 16, 2008 at 03:00 AM]

Hey Shauna I loved your book and am glad everything went good with the moonwalk walk! I thought your o'haggardness pic was actually cute (you look like a cartoon character with cat ears or something)! You are my hero and have inspired me to start my own weight loss blog! So thank-you!

[44 · Posted by MB · June 16, 2008 at 03:27 AM]

I must have missed the part about walking the Moonwalk in your bra. WOW! That takes courage. I'll be cheering for you!

[45 · Posted by Dee · June 16, 2008 at 01:41 PM]

You are one plucky chick - I am so glad you survived intact, and can't wait to read all about it!

[46 · Posted by Alison · June 16, 2008 at 03:58 PM]

WELL DONE DG!! Hope you are feeling good today...spoke to a customer today who did it and she said it was hell!! That was a 9.30 am by 3 pm she had got her second wind and is a high as a kite and raring to go...and looking for people to join her next year...mebbe aye, mebbe naw! Well done you xx

[47 · Posted by ganching · June 16, 2008 at 04:23 PM]

Hope it all went brilliantly. I can now tell you that friends of mine did it last year and they said it was the worst experience of their lives. I am sure a fit, young thing like yourself will have had no bother doing it all.

[48 · Posted by victoria · June 16, 2008 at 05:00 PM]

"Embracing all your lumps and bumps" wouldn't be a victory if it weren't for the "perfectly toned, 8% body fat" images that the media crams down our throats every day. You know how they say, "Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's feeling the fear and doing it anyway"? Your courage to walk in your bra is all the more honorable because you feel the pressure to have the "perfect" body, but you don't let it stop you.

[49 · Posted by Rhonda · June 16, 2008 at 06:06 PM]

Shauna, you absolutely ROCK! Can't wait to hear all the details of your awesome achievement.

[50 · Posted by Mel · June 17, 2008 at 01:02 AM]

Oh Shauna, I bet you did fantastically!

I can so relate to the feeling good in your own skin and I really appreciate your honesty and cander! Thank you!

You continue to inspire many, many people and many of us would be a little lost without your witty, honest, humerous weight loss tales :)

Can't wait for the update!

Mel.

[51 · Posted by Natalie · June 17, 2008 at 11:31 PM]

Shauna,

I'm half way through losing half of myself (well over half of myself) and I stood there this morning, looking in the mirror having a 'fat girl' moment just like you.

While I'm generally happy in my own skin I still have moments where I feel like I've lost nothing - and I'm about to rack up 50 kilos gone this weekend.

Thanks for sharing what I've always thought - even when you get to that all elusive GOAL weight, it's still all a head game.

Nat

[52 · Posted by blastfrompast · June 25, 2008 at 04:55 AM]

Finally managed to catch up with your blog. i am impressed by your sewing skills!!such precision!
And congratulations on your walk to raise money for the fight against Breast Cancer!