The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl

It ain't just a river

There is a mutant breed of Positive Thinking that is called Denial.

Like if you decide to focus on the many many many great things in your life, and ignore the black cloud that's hovered over for months and months.

Or if you write selectively about that one good day or that one cool thing that happened, and forget about the twenty good days that didn't happen because you were hiding from your friends and eating toast on the couch instead.

Or if you focus on that one kick-arse kickboxing class you did this week, and ignore the five sneaky chocolate bar wrappers in your handbag.

Or if you tell yourself you really love this dark baggy daggy sweater, it's not because you want to be invisible. You were never one for dressing up all foxy-like anyway!

Or if you smile when a colleague comments on your Ultra Healthy Lunch, even though you're contemplating a cupcake run as you fork in the lettuce.

Or if you admit to your excellent husband, I feel as low and hopeless and lost as I did way back when I was 350 pounds... but since you're fitter than ever and your clothes still fit (ish) and chairs don't collapse beneath you, you've got nothing to whine about really!

Or if you've fancied writing a ranty blog entry about feeling awful, but don't do it because you know you have no real reason to feel awful and you'll get a Get Over Yourself email from a stranger, and what's the point because after all you're only One Good Day away from feeling fantastic again!

But how bad do things have to get before it's bad enough? How rubbish do you have to feel before you treat yourself with some kindness and self respect again? Does it have to be an extreme like morbid obesity or can't-leave-the-house-depression before you DO something?

Dude! You can tell yourself that you're a Glass Half Full person but if the glass is full of crap, that's not a very appetising beverage.

Hundred Push Ups Challenge Fail

Rebecca was among the eagle-eyed folks who noticed I'd not mentioned the Hundred Push Ups Challenge (HPC) for almost... seven months!?

I failed, comrades. After doing Week Two six weeks in a row I chucked in the towel. The problem was the same one I mentioned in the last update: I didn't have "enough arms" to do the HPC three times a week as well as my weight training and kickboxing classes. We always do heaps of push ups at kickboxing and I hated looking pissweak in class because I'd fried my arms the night before doing the HPC. Kathryn nailed the feeling perfectly in the comments:

Yeah, got to save those arms. I hate it when you go to a class and it's like it's in a vacuum, no credit for the all the stuff you do outside of class!

But I've still made push up progress! I do most of my kickboxing class pushups on my toes coz the hard floor hurts my wimpy old knee. I do anywhere between 10-20 really good reps depending on conditions (energy level, wholesomeness of lunch, etc).

We do lots of torturous variations in class, such as wide, narrow, tricep, crucifix and clapping ones. You know where you lift your hands off the floor and clap like a seal? I cannot do those at all. I tried doing them kneeling on a mat, but instead of moving up and down I go backwards somehow, then I just flop like this:

Photo: D. Lewis

Meanwhile while I lay prone, the more advanced chicks in the team are doing push ups on their knuckles. They've got to toughen them up ready to BREAK BOARDS with their fists o' fury. Bloody hell. There is much to learn, grasshopper.

Man DOMS & Hundred Push Ups Update

You will be familiar with Man Flu, the medical phenomenon whereby a man with a cold will suffer at least 10000% more than a woman with the same symptoms. Turns out there is also a thing called Man DOMS. Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness is when you hurt like a bastard a few days after a strenuous workout. Naturally if you're a bloke, it's so much worse.

"I've got DOMS," Gareth announced, two days after hiking up two very pointy mountains in Glen Coe. "Severe DOMS. So whatever you do, don't poke my legs."

"When I had DOMS after the Moonwalk you did nothing BUT poke my legs."

"Yeah but I did it with a touch of class. It wouldn't be funny if you did it."

"I want my revenge!"

"No way man! I'm in agony!"

"When I was so DOMS-ed out after 26 miles that I couldn't walk you dragged me around the living room saying, Dance! Dance! Dance, Shauna! Dance!"

"Aye but you just went for a wee stroll in the dark. That was minor DOMS. My walk was really hard."

"So what've you got then? DOMS majora?"

"Yeah. You just had... DOMS trivialatum."

. . .

Hundred Bloody Push Ups Challenge Update #3

(Apologies if you're bored of push-up talk!)

I'm still stuck on Week 2 of the Hundred Push Ups Challenge (HPC). I reckon I could now pass the 16+ reps test in order to move to Week 3, but I want to improve the quality of the repetitions. I've got a dodgy shoulder from an old injury so my last few sets can get shaky and painful.

My solution was to move up to the next level of Week 2 - each week has three levels of difficulty depending on how many reps you perform in the initial test. I've finished Week 2, Level 2 and now I'll do Week 2, Level 3. Taking it slower means the six week challenge is going to take more like six months, but I'd rather do that and make sure I can do strong, deep push ups and not screw up my shoulder again.

Are any fellow Push Uperers finding it difficult to fit the three weekly sessions around your other exercise? How do you make sure you've got enough arms left? Right now I can only manage two sessions because they keep throwing in push ups at kickboxing and Body Pump. I can only take so much pushing up dammit!

If I've done the HPC the night before class I shake like a shitting dog. This makes me feel like a sissy in front of the hardcore kickboxers. I spose I could protest, "Let me explain violent femmes! I'm not a wuss, but there's this internet challenge thing..." but I'd rather resign myself to slower HPC progress and have enough arms for everything.

Wheels On Fire

How are you all 100 Pushups people going? I confess I only got round to starting this past Sunday. So far, so shaky! But what a novelty to have a challenge that takes 15 minutes instead of your entire bloody day. It's so quick that it's not even worth making excuses not to do it. Last night I did my pushups at midnight in Lancashire in a sad hotel room. My train had got in late as one of the engines CAUGHT FIRE... but I pressed on despite my brush with death*. How's that for commitment!?

One Hundred Push-Ups

Who's up for a new challenge? Andrew is taking on One Hundred Push-Ups. It looks to be the Couch to 5k of the push-up world, a six-week program designed to gradually build your strength for the mother of all moves. From the website:

"If you’re serious about increasing your strength, follow this six week training program and you’ll soon be on your way to completing 100 consecutive push ups! Think there’s no way you could do this? I think you can! All you need is a good plan, plenty of discipline and about 30 minutes a week to achieve this goal!"

Holy exclamation mark, Batman!

I like how they say "on your way" to completing 100 consecutive push ups, because right now my efforts are rather weak and wobbly and I'd be happy to work up to 20. We do a lot of push-ups in my kickboxing class but there's only so much you can progress with one class a week. I like the idea of a real concerted effort to improve - not only the quantity but the quality of the reps.

It's also a convenient wee challenge - I can do push ups anywhere, and unlike this stinking Moonwalk it's not going to take over my life. Or puff up my hands.

So I'm in, baby! I'm going to take the initial push up test tonight then start next Tuesday 17th, giving myself a couple of days to rejoin the living après-Moonwalk.

Anyone else fancy it? It'll be tops. And there's nothing quite like knocking out a few push ups to make you feel smug, strong and sexy.

Further reading on the joys of push-ups for young and old, large and small:

• New York Times - An Enduring Measure of Fitness: The Push Up
• Fitness Fixation - More Determined Than Ever
• Stumptuous - Mistressing The PushUp

(Proper entry re Moonwalk later today!)