The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl

The Amazing Adventures of Philippa

Philippa, from Hampshire England, is a longtime Dietgirl reader. She's just finished the Up & Running 5K Course and inspired my socks off with the amazing changes she made over the eight weeks, inside and out.

I asked if she'd write about her running experience for you guys and she kindly obliged!

...

Running was for fit people. Cool, confident people with bouncy ponytails who never broke a sweat. Not people who once ate a whole takeout pizza, plus side dish, plus dessert for dinner, nor people who got breathless walking up stairs. Running was for other people.

So how did I end up in the park on my day off, wearing trainers and a sports watch!?

A year ago I'd been in much the same position. I'd downloaded the Couch to 5K programme and gave it a go... for a whole 10 days. I turned purple, almost hacked up a lung and proved all the things I thought I knew about running, including the fact that I couldn't do it. I went back to the couch and the calorie counting. This had worked for the last few years, taking me from 220lb to 162lb. There was never much exercise involved; I didn't stick with anything for long.

So why would running be different this year? I was still a bit overweight, I still hated public exercise and I had already established that I just couldn't do it. I wrote to Shauna about Up & Running and she assured me that being a bit overweight and unfit wasn't a problem. My negative little brain insisted, C'mon, she doesn't mean you, you're a whole new level of couch potato! But Shauna gave me a firm nudge, saying that if I really wanted to do it, it was possible.

I really really wanted to. I signed up for Up & Running and for the next eight weeks I walked, skipped and stretched. I did arm swings, side-stepped and skipped some more.

And I started to run. Slowly.

It was so slow that I could probably have walked faster! But the first time I ran I laughed out loud, right there in the park. I was like a kid in the playground going down a slide, that feeling that makes you want to shout, Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, look at what I can do! That first 10 seconds of running was amazing. That was what got me out there for the next session - I wanted more of that feeling.

Occasionally the training messed with my head. I had to push Little Miss Grumpy out the door when she didn’t want to go. I'd doubt my abilities as I read the training plan, “They want me to do what?". If I had a 'bad' workout I'd be convinced the magic was gone and everything was about to come crashing down. Years of negativity about my abilities weren't going to disappear in a few weeks. But it wasn't magic that had got me running - that wasn't going to disappear either! It was simply an off-day and with the support and advice from Coach Julia and the other ladies, I got back out there and kept going.

Along the way I've learned so much more than just how to run. The person who started the Course didn’t know what she was capable of. She was scared of so many things, with failure being top of the list. She hated what she looked like and she sure as hell didn’t want to draw attention to herself either.

But now? Looking in the mirror I can still see the stretch marks and a belly roll and thighs, but when I run it doesn't matter. My thighs aren't monsters any more, they're strong and powerful. And they work! I've never treated my body very kindly, damaging it and filling it with substandard fuel, but it's mine and despite what I've put it through it still works. Whenever I run it does what I ask it to do, rewarding me for treating it more kindly.

The Course finished with us completing a 5K race. Each training session had covered a maximum distance of 4km, so I wondered if I had it in me.  As I started my stopwatch I was terrified. The old feelings of self-doubt were there until I ran past a little old lady. She asked me how many miles I was running.

"Three miles!" I said.

And just like that the fear was gone. She saw a chick in running clothes, running. She saw a runner. So of course a runner would be running a few miles on a lovely sunny morning! God bless that lady.

I finished my run in 37 minutes 8 seconds feeling good. Not anything amazing, just good. I came home and it all felt like a bit of an anti-climax.

But then the tears came.  Wonderful tears, as another Up and Runner called it, "talking with water". Thirty years of fearing failure poured out out with the realisation I’d accomplished something I'd never thought possible.

I'm planning my running future now. I did a 5k local parkrun this past weekend, then in mid June I'm going to Scotland to run with some of the other Up & Running ladies. I'll meet Shauna and thank her in person for being a huge part of my journey (and to apologise for using that cheesy word!).

I still have some weight to lose but it's not the only goal now. I want to run well and I know that being a little lighter will help, but I want to achieve things with this body of mine. I want to run 5km FAST! I want to do the Up & Running 10K course in September and I want to run a marathon some day!

I don't know how yet or what else will happen along the way, but I do know my body can do amazing things now. And I won’t let fear stop me any more.

New Years Goals Check-in: May

I'm doing monthly updates on my New Year Goals.

I'm a wee bit stunned that I've made it to a fifth New Years Goals Check-In. Part of me thought it would have all gone to pot by now! But I guess keeping the goals small and sane has ensured they are do-able.

May highlights

• The biggest highlight was, derr, the Fitbloggin conference. For both the people I met and the feeling of renewed enthuasism for living that I left with. Holy cornballs, Batman. But after a year or two in the wildnerness, the stinky depression and the utter disconnection from my body, I finally felt like I was all joined up again. I felt like I was actually there. Cool.
• I accidentally started salsa lessons! My pal Claire and I went to try a new Zumba class this week and they had a special offer - stay for the salsa class afterwards for only £1. We's planned to dash off to kickboxing afterwards but I've always wanted to try salsa so I put down that extra pound. BARGAIN!
• The class went on and on for 90 minutes and with the hectic hour of Zumba beforehand I was utterly knackered but it was so much bloody fun. I was so busy trying to follow the steps that the time just zapped by. Four days later my hip and stomach muscles are still singing!
• I'm definitely back into those size 18 jeans. Although I bought new jeans from a different shop the other day and they were a 20. So the labels are meaningless as we have recently bitched about, but the takeaway here is that a pair of jeans that couldn't be wrestled over my stomach in January now fit great.
• I went to the USA for a week and lost a pound. Last time I went to the USA for a week I gained ten pounds. Progress!
• The food diary, meal planning, consistent exercising and pause-to-think-before-eating are still going well.

June is going to be about blowing the dust and rust off my bike, dabbling with kettlebells and testing the limits of the food processor with vast amounts of instant frozen yogurt. What are you getting up to this month?

Fitbloggin #1: Beagles and Walmarts

Wednesday
My Fitbloggin adventure got off to a slightly grumpy start when my connecting flight was cancelled, my luggage was lost and the US Customs Sniffer Beagle rightfully busted me for attempting to smuggle a tasty salad into the country.

I'd bought the salad at Edinburgh Airport to eat on the plane but never got round to it, so I thought I'd scarf it down by the baggage carousel before I officially entered the country at passport control. But noooooo, Sniffer Beagle had to go be really good at his job and stop me destroying American agriculture!

Note: sample Sniffer Beagle only.
I did not take photo of actual Sniffer Beagle, that would be illegal.

I eventually got to Baltimore by train, amused that it took 7 hours to get all the way from Edinburgh to Newark but 10 hours to get from Newark to Baltimore. Hehe.

Thursday

Think I'll need to bust out the bullet points now...

• I awoke at dawn but luckily there was a CVS and Whole Foods nearby so I could wander around jetlaggedly marvelling at American Goods. You can keep your Statues of Liberty and Yellowstone National Parks, give me your well-stocked drugstores and supermarkets. Swoon! Find of the day: Justins Peanut Butter Cups.
• I met Carla! My beloved podcasting partner in crime. I opened the hotel room door and there she stood with her Pantene hair and beautiful smile, looking exactly like her Twitter avatar. But then she started moving and talking! It took me a good fifteen minutes to get used to her having three dimensions. After that awkwardness passed we yammered for hours as if we'd known each other for the cliched all our lives!
• I met Denise! We go way back to the early 00s when we carved blog posts onto rocks with mammoth tusks. It was so good finally meet her. She generously offered to drive me to the shops to buy some workout clothes - I had enough normal clothes in my carry-on for a couple of days but no gear for the fitness activities coming up on Friday. Denise rules!
• On the way to the car park I held open the door for someone with fabulous hair and it turned out to be Carrie! Another lovely person met from my Meet Or Bust list!
• The Walmart Mini-Roadtrip was ace. It was peeing down with rain as we zoomed around Baltimore. The sky was black and lightningy, which almost made the Rapture billboards seem credible. BUT NOT QUITE.
• I scored some great workout clothes at Walmart, saw the most enormous bottle of milk ever, and learned from the checkout lady that Governer Schwarzenegger had been a cheating git (I'd been out of the news loop awhile). Thank you again Denise for a great afternoon!
• Afterwards I hid in my room for awhile to get psyched for The Room Full Of Stranger-Friends. I know I wasn't alone with the whole sneaking-back-to-your-room-to-recharge thing. It's weird you can be so delirious with anticipation to meet people yet utterly shitscared at the same time!
• But once in the fray it was all okay. The conference kicked off with a Name Tag Social, in which we decorated our name tags and mingled. It was good fun - being a conference for people who blog about fitness, you could always find something to talk about.
• Every was so friendly and real with none of the "And who are you?" dismissive glancing at your name tag that I've experienced at some events. It felt like we were all on equal footing... a really cosy, welcoming vibe.
• At one point I confess... I had a wee Fat Girl Freakout. I said to Carla, "People keep looking at my STOMACH! I know I've stacked on the weight but dude, I think I need a t-shirt that says NOT PREGNANT, JUST FAT". Carla with her usual patient wryness replied, "Are you sure they're not just trying to read your name tag?"
• By 8pm I had reached that deliciously delirious stage of jetlag where you love the world to bits. Good timing as I was lucky to wind up having a dinner with these extremely groovy folks - Carla, Charlie, Gail, Julie Julie, Kerri, Laurie, Lisa, Sean, Steve and TJ (please forgive me if I missed anyone, it was a big table!). Tasty burgers and hilarious times ahoy!
• Back to the room... roomie Jennette had arrived! And she had brought an autographed Chocolate & Vicodin book and a jar of my favourite Trader Joe's Almond Butter. What a legend :)

There will be another Fitbloggin installment or two but I promise to keep it lean!

The Movie of Your Life

One of the Spring Up & Runners, the astoundingly clever Sara Lando, said the most wonderful thing on the forums recently when one of her comrades was having an off day with their running:

"... Struggling looks best in the future biography of your life.

Can you imagine how boring would be if you told your story like "yeah, I started running and it was ok. Then I was awesome. The end".

Sometimes as I run I try to imagine an epic voice narrating what I'm doing. You know the guy that does movie trailer voiceovers? He goes like "And through adversities... never giving up... with sheer willpower..." and so on.

So I feel like I'm fighting for something great with spectators rooting for me and since I just avoid movies without an happy ending I KNOW I will eventually win. If I suck it just means I'm about halfway through the movie and that I need a good training montage."

(Quoted here with Sara's blessing)

P.S. It's been a little crazy around here since I got home, more soon!

Fitbloggin was fab

That's all I can say right now! There are so many emotions and big things learned burbling away in my mind I feel like I'm about to explode, much like that bloody Icelandic volcano that threatens to prevent me getting home today. I've started five different posts but I don't think I'll be able to gather my thoughts properly until I'm back in Scotland and back with the good Dr G. So in the meantime I just wanted to say hello to you lovelies and to any Fitbloggin folks who stop by, thank you thank you thank you for a wonderful, wacky, welcoming weekend.

P.S. Just one of a gazillion highlights: meeting my podcast partner in crime in person :)

I am human and I need to be clothed

I went to a local New Look store a wee while back and they'd moved the plus size section. It was once right in amongst the "normal" clothes in the prime of the store, but they'd moved it upstairs, tucked into a tiny corner behind the menswear. To make one feel just that little bit more shithouse, on this particular day the lights happened to broken. The whole store was a flourescent blaze, except for this one corner with the fat clothes which was in total darkness. You gotta laugh.

Things have changed massively since I was last a larger lass. Back in the early 00s it was a struggle to find something to wear and the limited selection seemed aimed at old ladies - blousy tunic tops, tapered leg jeans with elastic waists; shiny black "slacks". And of course those nighties with kittens printed on them.

These days there is so much more on offer, especially online. With the proliferation of fat fashion blogs you're never short of inspiration either. Here are some things I've noticed from recent shopping experiences:

1. Sizing is ridiculous
I know there's never really been anything remotely resembling standard clothing sizes, but I currently have clothes from 16 - 22, some of it even from the same shop. What the bloody hell size am I? In some stores I can wear the "normal" sizes, other times I'm banished to the plus sizes. You never really know til you try on, which is a pain in the arse if shopping makes you cranky.

2. They're making trendy stuff in larger sizes
Which is a great leap forward from the Sequinned Kitten era. Alas I'm now 33 years old and look ridiculous if I slip into something apparently Bang On Trend.

3. Somtimes you still feel like a second-class citizen
They make an effort to have a larger size range, but it's only available online. I'm looking at you H&M and Old Navy.

4. Jeans are easier to find
No more tapered legs! There's such a great variety of styles, but no matter what size I am I still usually have to get wide-leg styles to accommodate my sturdy thighs.

5. Dressing the top half is not as simple
This is no doubt down to my fusspot personal preferences and body shape, but I find it hard to find tops that don't totally swamp your waist. I still have a waist dammit, I don't want a smock! Also, there doesn't seem to be that much choice in the middle ground between dull basics and mega trendy.

Speaking of trendy, here are the two kinds of tops that most leave me spluttering with disbelief.

a) The modern equivalent of the kitten-print top, Tops with stupid shit written on them:

   

b) Tops that make you look like you were attacked by hungry dogs:

 

Golf is evil

On Saturday afternoon Gareth and I went to a driving range to whack some golf balls. Neither of us have any interest in golf but we were both in a cranky mood (boring homeowner issues) and needed to hit things.

The driving range, a former cow shed, was empty except for a cluster of teenage boys. I felt about seven hundred years old because as soon as they saw us they hastily stubbed out their cigarettes and tried to look busy. Do we really look that old now?! I've never smoked in my life but I wanted to pick up a smouldering stump and puff away, just to let them know I was young and hip to the cancer sticks.

Then I wanted to run away as I hated the thought of the youths witnessing my lack of skill. There is no laughter more mocking that the the multi-pitched cackle of a teenage boy. But they turned out to be very lovely and helpful, perhaps overcompensating for us busting them with the ciggies, "Have you been here before? Do you know how to use the ball machine? Do you know where the shop is?". Are you lost, old people!?

(I think Gareth was crushed to realise the anti-aging properties of his baggy jeans and hoodie uniform may finally be wearing off.)

Before long we had the cow shed to ourselves and I was quickly reminded that I freaking stink at golf. I didn't nearly kill anyone this time, though I did hit the wall of the shed three times. How the hell the ball managed to turn 90 degrees I will never know, but I do know that I hate golf. At least with a driving range you just hit the balls and leave. It would be so much worse if you had to wander around a course for hours, hating golf while old men in crazy trousers tut-tutted at your incompetence.

Anyway the point of this post was to tell that I now have Golf DOMS. DOMS of course being delayed onset muscle soreness. Somehow 45 minutes of ball-whacking (and pirouetting because I couldn't keep my feet planted) has resulted in two completely useless arms today. My biceps are on fire and the underside of my forearms hurt like hell. I cannot straighten my arms properly. Go go gadget robot arms!

DOMS, from a driving range. Ha ha ha, say the golfers of the world, this is what you get for mocking our sport. Gareth is in pain too, but since it's Man DOMS you can imagine it is so, so much worse.

New Year Goals Check-In: April

I'm doing monthly updates on my New Year Goals. ONE THIRD of 2011 is now done and dusted!

The lovely Jennette wrote on her blog today:

I have often wondered if someone who's lost a ton of weight has to become a fitness and health fanatic for the rest of their life to keep it off, or if they can just integrate it into a normal part of the life that is not any more or less important than other things in their life.

Recently I was emailling with some podcast listeners about the Maintenance episode and we were pondering pretty much the same thing. The thought of having to be "hardcore" for the rest of your life was just totally depressing, quite frankly. But I've been thinking about it and I reckon what I've been doing this year is sustainable and realistic - healthy but not hardcore.

Sure, progress is happening at a glacial pace and thus I too shall be fat at Fitbloggin next week (loved Jennette's post there - ditto to all that!). But I feel so peaceful and positive right now, and a helluva lot happier than I did when I got to my so-called Happy Weight a few years ago.

Reasons why:

• I'm not constantly thinking about food
• I no longer feel like I'm on any sort of wagon, poised to fall off at the slightest wobble
• I'm getting better every day at pausing before I eat to decide whether I am really hungry
• I no longer fear losing control around food
• There's no good or bad foods anymore. I'm starting to observe how different foods make me feel and choosing accordingly. Lately my body makes the choices more often than my mind, if that makes sense!?
• I can now recognise when I am feeling upset or angry or tired rather than hungry. Sometimes I still eat anyway, but the ability to pinpoint the real emotion just plain rawks!
• I'm getting better at doing what I need to do to feel sane and happy and not worrying about what others may think
• I am getting better at being honest with myself e.g. Are you really sooooo busy or just can't be arsed to go kickboxing? 
• I'm getting better at dealing with problems and issues as they arise, instead of letting them rot and/or eating to supress the feelings.

All this progress feels SO HUGE to me but the changes aren't quite as big on the outside yet. I have no idea where all this will lead in terms of my size. I feel it is more important to keep working on the problem, rather than the symptom. The emotional eating, not the weight loss. I don't want to screw that up and get all obsessive just to get back into The Jeans of 2007.

I'll be honest. I would like to lose some weight, simply to have more choice of clothes and to have less wobbles in the way when I exercise. But I am prepared to be patient and focus on being consistent and sane. Ahhhhhhhh :)

April highlights (aside from the Zumba ferret dude of course):

• I hit my goal of exercising consistently, until the 'flu and a very loud and annoying cough slayed me in the last week
• I hit my goal of consistently planning meals. Amazing how that half an hour of effort every fortnight brings so much freaking CALM and order to everyday life
• I lost a grand total of one pound
• Food diary is still humming along. I tell you it is so satisfying to a spreadsheet lover to see four months of entries filled in!

Hope your May is going smashingly so far!

Winner of the Up & Running 5K Course giveaway

You guys sure do like your watermelon! Thanks very much for your entries in the Up & Running giveaway. I wanted to bust out the barbecue until I remembered I've still not cleaned it from that one time it was sunny enough to use it last year. Hmm.

So, the random number generator has spoken and the lucky winner is...

#45 - Svava!

She's a frappucino fan:

Congratulations Svava. I'll be in touch shortly with all the details for the 5K Course. Thank you to everyone who entered the draw!

We've just opened up registration for the Summer 5K Course. If you've been pondering the idea of running for awhile but need a helping hand to get started, why not join us? Coach Julia is an amazing coach and when you combine her support and expertise with a community of fellow beginners all striving to outrun the zombies, you cannae go wrong.

Thanks to all who entered. I'll be back tomorrow with the ol' Monthly Goals Check-In post thingo. Hope you had a tops weekend.

WIN! A place on the next Up & Running 5K Course

At Up & Running Julia and I are getting pysched for this Sunday 1 May, when we open registrations for the Summer 5K Beginners Course. The course starts on Monday 13 June and I am so freaking excited. Who will sign up? What corner of the world will they hail from? Will they charm my pants off as the Spring Up & Runners have done? I can't wait to meet 'em!

Want to join us? Fancy making this your Summer of Running? Or your Winter, if you're from the Southern Hemisphere. I'm giving away one free place on the course. All you have to do is leave a comment on this blog post and tell me, What's your favourite summer food? Yes, it's always about the food around here!

• Entries close 5PM UK time this Sunday 1 May
• The prize is a place on the Summer 2011 5K Course, which starts on 13 June.
• The winner can give the prize to a friend, so you can enter if you know someone who you think would dig it!
• Winner can be from anywhere in the world. Remember the Course is for women only.

Here's what the current Up & Runners are saying about Up & Running:

Philippa, UK:

The one thing that keeps making me teary with regards to this running is how much I am capable of. I have never pushed so hard for something that is just for me. I suppose I've thought it seemed selfish to spend this much time just on myself, but I need this. I need to remember that I am worth the effort and to stop being scared of failing. I can do far more than I thought I could. So I CAN skip in the park and I CAN go for 2k. And I can do it just for me. And I can go and cry a few tears for the almost 30 years I've wasted thinking I can't.

Amy, USA:

I, too, am a Couch to 5K refugee. I just couldn't make it work for me and it left me more discouraged. I'm sure it was due to the lack of community. Everyone here makes me feel like part of a team and keeps me accountable because I have to keep track of everything and report back. The C25K program really doesn't offer that accountability that we get here. And the friendship. It's really starting to feel like we are becoming long-distance friends, and who doesn't want to run with friends?

Jo, Australia:

I don't think I could say (yet) that I love the act of running. What I am really, really loving though is the sense of my body being alive. I love all my aches and pains! I love finding out how I can make it move.

Nicole, USA:

Halfway to 5k! I'm so proud of myself for making it to mid-program without missing a workout! I've ordered my "Outrunning the Zombies" t-shirt as a reward. For the first time in my life, I'm able to run a mile without stopping. This is something I never thought I would be able to do, and it gives me the most incredible sense of accomplishment.

Jill, USA:

Over the past few years, running, once a source of joy in my life, has morphed into a symbol of failure for me, both consciously and subconsciously.  But as I’ve begun to see major progress with the Up & Running online program, I’m starting to view myself as someone who sets realistic goals and then achieves them through repeated and consistent effort.

Here's the big list of what you get with the 5K Course:

• Eight weeks of training plans created by expert running coach Julia Jones, including downloadable workout plans.
• Up & Running Gear Guide packed with essential information on running shoes and gear to help you get organised.
• Bonus “Warm-Up Week” before the workouts begin to get your mind fired up for your running adventure.
• Personal support throughout the course via private, password-protected forums – we’ll answer all your questions!
• Easy-to-follow tutorials on our private course blog, including:
  - a weekly theme, such as staying motivated and nourishing your mind and body
  - motivating videos – weekly exercise demonstrations, plus coaching tips and insights from Julia
  - inspirational stories from women runners around the world
• Weekly email newsletter to keep you energised and on track.

You can find out more about our kickarse 5K course right here.

Winner will be announced on Sunday evening UK time. Go for gold, baby!

Dances with Ferrets

There are a lot of Zumba classes in my town these days - over 90 classes per week within a five mile radius. They pop up in church halls, gyms, schools, Scout halls, night clubs and community centres. Last night's class was a first for me - it was at the village pub.

There's a small function room next to the main bar with ye olde wooden beams, stained glass windows and a stopped grandfather clock. There's shaggy green carpet with a little wooden dance floor in the middle of the room, so if you chose your spot right you could boogie on down like John Travolta. I picked a carpeted bit towards the front so I could check out my moves in the bar mirror.

It started out like any old Zumba class - a shimmy here; a sashay there. Then halfway though Track 3 a voice boomed from the doorway, "ZUMBAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

An old man wandered in. He might of been quite young actually, 60ish? It was hard to tell from his bright red complexion, the result of a day in the sun with many many beers. He shuffled and twirled around the ladies in the back row as he cried, "Zumba! Zumba Zumba ZUMBA!"

As if that wasn't surreal enough, he was carrying a ferret under his arm.

And not just any ferret - it was a taxidermied ferret, mounted on a log. A lot like this one:

The whole class was in stitches. Maybe he pops in on a regular basis? I don't know. The instructor seemed torn between bemusement and mortification as man and ferret made their way to the front of the room and stood beside her.

"RIGHT LADIES," he said, step-touching from side to side not quite on the beat, "Let's ZUMBA!"

He hoisted the ferret above his head like a barbell, pumped it up and down a few times as his hips shimmed, "Zumba! Zumba! Zumba! ZUMBA!".

He then tucked the ferret back under his arm, and left.

The rest of the class passed without incident. Kinda disappointing, really!

Headaches and Weight Maintenance

I've got a brand spankin' new episode of Two Fit Chicks And A Microphone for you - Episode 26 - Lynn & The Art of Weight Maintainence. Yep we've finally tackled the oft-requested topic of maintaining.

We spoke to the wonderful Lynn Haraldson of Lynn's Weigh who has maintained a 175lb weight loss for over five years. And she's been on Oprah, so needless to say we had oodles to chat about! It was quite an emotional interview in many ways. Lynn is very open and honest, so we really got down to the guts of the ups and downs of maintenance, what mindshifts are required to be successful, and what it's like to write publically about your weight. As someone who seriously flunked out in the maintenance department these past couple of years, it was great to ask her some how the hell do you do it kind of questions.

I've also just realised that I negelcted to link to Episode 25 - When Staying Healthy Is A Pain, in which we spoke to Jennette Fulda about her new book Chocolate & Vicodin and her never-ending horrible headache. Jennette is another very open and articulate woman, and in this interview she is so philosophical and brave about living with chronic pain. She is a legend.

So two new episodes that I'm really bloody excited about. If you fancy something new to listen to while you're slaving away at the gym or bored to tears on a long commute, why not give us a go?

Friday Link Feast #14

• Mizfit - What my child has taught me about eating mindfully
  "Lately, when I ask her if she’s hungry there’s a l-o-n-g lag before she responds... As I recently watched her decide if she wanted a snack or not, it occurred to me she seemed to have a check list she went through in her head. She really is DECIDING if she’s tired, bored, hungry, whatevs *before* she answers my question.  As it’s only *then* that she knows her answer."
• Mostly Eating - Online grocery shopping – healthy helper or costly convenience?
  I'm a huge fan of online grocery shopping - the £4 delivery fee is well worth it for the time and hassle saved. Sophie's post takes a balanced look at the pros and cons.
• The Daily Sophisticate - What to wear when you're losing weight
  Some great wardrobe tips for when your shape is changing.
• Refuse to Regain: The perfect diet. Does it exist?
  Jack LaLane lived to 98 avoiding sugar. Barbara's uncle is in his 90s and eats ice cream every day. What gives? "No diet is bomb proof and no one has a corner on the truth," writes Barbara in this post, "Each one of us must find the diet that makes us feel best and which, in our view, gives us the best shot at health and happiness."
• A new blog read - Tango Addiction
  "I used to have a cerebral, sedentary career and a conventional marriage in a grey, drizzly part of the First World. But then, a few years ago, I moved to Buenos Aires and fell in love with tango. Having never been a dancer before, I struggled at first to adapt to a life primarily using my body, rather than my brainpower. But now, of course, I am a tango junkie."
• Food and class: does what we eat reflect Britain's social divide?
  An interesting feature from The Observer.
• FitBloggin Session overview - Ditch the Diet: Eat Intuitively!
  If you're going to the FitBloggin conference in Baltimore next month (gulp!) you may fancy checking out this panel that I'll be on, along with these lovely lasses: Karen C.L Anderson of Before & After: A Real Life Story, Katie Heddleston of Healthy Heddleston and Christie Inge of Nourishing Circle.

Action before Belief?

Jen's juicy quote yesterday got me thinking about self-belief. I agree with her sentiment that when you truly believe that something is a top priority, nothing can get in your way. It's simple, but as some of you said in the comments: "it's not easy". As Jen herself said, "I'm not there yet either... I'm talking theoretically here".

So how do you get to that point of believing?

I tend to find that action comes before belief. If you're not someone with confidence on tap, I find it useful to do what the lovely LBTEPA said in her comment, "acting as if you believe it". I interpret this as "performing the desired actions as if you believed in yourself" as opposed to pretending you believe. If that makes any bloody sense at all. For example, at this start of this year my self-belief levels were at a dark and skanky low. Even as I started doing tiny, positive things (keeping my food journal, small amounts of exercise, listening to my hunger signals) I had no real conviction that they would do any good.

But I vowed to keep plodding along regardless of what the brain was telling me. So even when the Voice of Doom was whispering, "Wow, you used to be able to do this easily!" in the middle of kickboxing, the idea was to keep going and focus on the action.

Slowly the balance has started going the other way. Momentum is building. The more tiny, positive things I do, even with teeth gritted, the more my brain seems to link the actions together and conclude, "You are capable of good stuff."

I'm noticing this with some of the Up & Runners. The more training sessions they string together, the more positive they feel and the more they start to believe they will get through the eight weeks. This is regardless of how good or bad the session itself was - the victory is simply in the doing. I can see them starting to believe in their own power and it is so, so inspiring.

I find the action-before-belief thing applies to many aspects of life, in large and small ways. Like every time I make an effort to hang up my coat instead of dumping it on the floor, I am slowly changing the tune of "I'm a slob" to "I'm quite a tidy person".

The only exception might be writing. No matter how much action I take on the writing front, the self-belief doesn't come. But I reckon that might just be a writing thing. Maybe if you allowed yourself to believe in your own abilities too much you'd get cocky and a piano would fall on your head. I think with writing you need that wee bit of terror and doubt in your guts to keep you motivated. Hehe ;)

What works for you? Do you have any tips or tactics for cultivating self-belief?

Wow

From Jen @ Perfect in our Imperfections today:

"I think when we get to the point where we really believe something is at the top of our priority list, nothing can stop us. We can find a way around any excuse. We don't need advice, we just need to realize our own power and make our own goals a priority, and then rearrange our lives accordingly. Simple, right?"

I love Jen.

New Year Goals Check-In: March

I'm doing monthly updates on my New Year Goals. One quarter of the year has passed, for feck's sake.

March highlights:

• I started to properly enjoy kickboxing again, instead of spending the whole class fuming about my lack of fitness.
• Pilates is fantastic. Some moves that killed me in the first week are getting easier.
• I lost a couple more pounds.
• Food diary still going great guns.

Things that didn't go as well:

• Once again I lost momentum with my eating at the end of the month. The pattern is now clear: I plan the meals for about two weeks, then the groceries run out, then I get busy and tried and just buy bits and pieces here and there, and the meal choices don't end up being quite as healthy. The plan for April is to set a reminder to re-shop. I do it online; so I could really just click one button and they'd deliver me the same stuff as the previous order... it's really not bloody hard!
• Once again my exercise frequency tailed off at the end of the month. I simply did not make it a priority and that cannot go on. I have the time, I just have to make the time.

Example: A few weekends Julia and I were feverishly working on Up & Running over Skype. After awhile she announced, "Okay I'll be back in an hour, I need to get in my bike ride".

What!? I felt rather indignant. What about all this work we had to do? When she returned later all refreshed and energised, the words were blurring in front of my eyes and my bum was numb.

And what had I been editing while she was away? A post about the importance of making time for exercise. For crying out loud :)

These past few weeks I've been marvelling at the lovely Up & Runners planning their schedules, ditching excuses and truly committing to themselves and their training. While I had been skipping workouts and not getting enough sleep.

This has been my pattern for a long while now. I'm not being harsh on myself here when I say I find it very easy to find "very important" reasons not to exercise. Some of it comes from worrying about what other people think if everything's not perfect and wonderful, but a huge part of it that I really quite enjoy spending hours in front of the computer in my tracky dacks, instead of going outside and working up a sweat.

I need to take a leaf out of Julia's book and put the exercise first. She plans her exercise, then she schedules in her work tasks, then she sticks to the bloody plan. She thinks highly enough of herself to keep that committment.

I know I do better work when I make time for physical activity. I know it helps my lard-busting efforts but most importantly it keeps my mind clear. And althought I'm not a runner, I don't want to be a hypocrite and cheer on all our lovely Up & Runners for making time to exercise when I'm not bloody doing it properly myself :)

So in April it's all about working smarter, not harder. Let the glacial progress continue!

Friday I'm in love

My pal Carla has been nagging gently encouraging me to update. I told her I don't like to write "too busy to post" posts because it looks like you're saying, "My life is sooo terribly exciting I just don't have time for this silly blog!".

"Nooo", said Carla. "I just meant share what you've been up to!"

Again I resisted since the "what I've been up to" consists entirely of Up & Running and I am still traumatised by the day I dared to blog a schedule of book-pimping radio appearances and I got that SHUT ABOUT YOUR BOOK WE'RE SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT email.

But, well, this is what's happening and I am old and cranky enough to realise the futility of trying to please everyone with everything one writes, so let's just bloody get on with it :)

So the first Up & Running 5K course started last Monday and I am loving it. I'm completely smitten with all the wonderful women who signed up. The first week was the Warm-Up Week, in which there was no running, just mental preparation and figuring out their goals and motivations. As I read the course forum I was alternately in floods of tears and giggles reading about their reasons for wanting to run. Such smart, funny, inspiring, courageous people. Dude.

I'm in awe of the little community forming already. This week the running began and there's so much encouragement and support on the forums. And most excellent random moments. Louann from Washingon DC said of her reasons for wanting to run was, to be able to outrun the zombie apocalypse... I would really like to know I can get home under my own power should the need arise." Next thing there was a request for a Zombie t-shirt, then Sara from Italy's graphic designer husband whipped up a design totally unprompted. A week earlier there was only an empty forum, but suddenly there was apparel and a team catchphrase. Dang!

I've not felt this rollercoaster of emotions since I was writing my book. Such incredible highs followed by self doubt and panic, hehe. I won't lie, it's been a crazy amount of work with some extremely long hours. Trying to juggle it with the increased responsibilities at Day Job has been insane. I have spent many sleepless hours staring at the ceiling worrying if the Up & Runners got their login emails and if I caught all the typos and eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

But... it's great. I'm learning so much. I feel alive and challenged and buzzing like I've not felt in years. It's creative and geeky and people-oriented and very fulfilling and lordy I want all our Up & Runners to succeed. I have no idea where this project will end up but I'm just going to enjoy it.

So that's about it. New Years Goal Check-In coming up soon!

How are youuuuu? Have a rockin' weekend!

The grass is always greener?

One of my all-time favourite bloggers Caterina Fake wrote a great post on Tuesday called FOMO and Social Media. FOMO being fear of missing out:

"Social media has made us even more aware of the things we are missing out on. You’re home alone, but watching your friends status updates tell of a great party happening somewhere. You are aware of more parties than ever before. And, like gym memberships, adding Bergman movies to your Netflix queue and piling up unread copies of the New Yorker, watching these feeds gives you a sense that you’re participating, not missing out, even when you are."

It's an amazing post with many brilliant thoughts. If you ever lay awake in bed at night thinking about how crazy is this internet, what would happen if you switched off your computer and just never went back, and what is all this social media bollocks doing to our brains anyway; what does it all MEAN?, well then I highly recommend Caterina's post.

(I get total FOMO reading Caterina's writing, by the way. FOMO in the form of, Fear I've Missed Out On About 70 Million Brain Cells compared to this wonderful woman. She invented Flickr, you know.)

Anyway! I was then having a gander at Mighty Girl Maggie's site this morning and she had shared her thoughts on Caterina's post:

"The thing is, I still love social media, despite the occasional sense that everyone is popping bottles of champagne on city rooftops while I watch The Office reruns in my yoga pants. Seeing what I’m “missing” has shaped how I decide to spend my time, reminded me to fill my life with stuff that makes me feel like there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. Now when I feel like I’m missing out, I see it as a flag that I’m unhappy about something else, an indicator that I need to invest some time in finding my own fun, or a reminder to stay in the moment — even if the moment is just enjoying my friends photos in my PJs."

I like her perspective. Some really interesting comments too, including a reader who is giving up Facebook for lent and this one made me smile:

"Just hooked up a thrifted 1970’s phone that weighs, like 32 pounds. It rings and I have no idea who is calling until I answer. A surprise or two every day! Then, because of short cord, I have to sit down and really talk to whomever is calling. And if I hear my sausage sizzling on the stove. Sizzling too hard – I tell the person to hold on and then I go over and really focus on my sizzling sausage. Then I come back and the surprise person and I will have an intense sausage conversation..."

I've got about half a dozen unfinished posts on the go about this technology and mindfulness sort of shenanigans but will spare you for now (PHEW!). Hope you are having a most excellent week!

New Year Goals Check-In: February

I'm doing monthly updates on my New Year Goals. 1/6th of 2011 is gone. Yikes.

Once again I'm late with the monthly update. Aside from feeling lame talking about this stuff with earthquakes and tsunamis going on, I've also been in the kind of overly emotional mood where it's best to steer clear of blogging. The kind of mood where one says or does ill-advised things, as per this hilarious tweet I saw from writer Sali Hughes:

February was a good month with some nice small victories.

• I spent a long weekend in Paris with Dr G (my birthday gift to him - "Here, have an Easyjet ticket! Yeah, I'm coming too!" Everyone's a winner.) and I didn't put on any weight. Blow me down with a feather, I ate mindfully in the land of pastry and cheese.
• I started a Pilates class! For the past four years I've pined for the weekly class we had when I worked at the House of Sport. I finally found a place on a Beginners course (yep, back to Beginner level, d'oh) and really loving it.
• I lost a couple of pounds.
• Food diary still going strong.

Things that didn't go as well:

• Very inconsistent with exercise in the early part of the month.
• Got sloppy with meal planning post Paris. It really helps to buy some bloody groceries!

I am happy with my glacial progress. I'm working more on the exercise and planning this month, but overall it feels like I'm devoting the right level of brain power to the task. There are still the PMS-y moments of I should do more panic, but I know that would mean taking away time and energy from other parts of my life and would no doubt trigger nutty behaviour and serious overeating. So I'll keep plodding along.

It felt like amazing progress to walk around in Paris and not have my guts knotted with regret for stuffing my face nor fear that I'd blown a diet. Instead, somehow I was able to switch off the lard-related chatter in my brain and focus on being there. It sounds cheesy but for the past few years I've not properly savoured some really cool moments because I was too caught up in angstypants thoughts.

This time I tried to focus on all five senses, not just taste. The tiny details of the Notre Dame. The echo of our voices when the river boat went under a bridge. The bright smell of a Vietnamese dinner. The flaky pastry of a chausson aux pommes dissolving on my tongue. The icy night air in my lungs as I raced Gareth around the Louvre pyramids on our bike tour. Gareth's yelp of pain when I accidentally rode too close and stabbed him with my handlebar. The unfortunate stink of that dog poo I failed to ride around.

Good times, people. Good times!

This photo is rubbish but you get the idea!

Friday Link Feast #13

As soon I wade through the almighty pile of laundry and To Do lists on my bedroom floor I will write a proper post, but in the meantime here's some tasty links!

• Will Walking Really Help? - Fit To The Finish
  Great thoughts and advice from Diane about walking as your primary form of exercise. I always remember when my grandmother was diagnosed with diabetes and she turned into a power walking MACHINE and totally svelted down. There's so much fancy, conflicting information out there about exercise that walking sometimes gets overlooked.
• We owe the internet for changing the world. Now let's learn how to turn off - Jonathan Freedland, The Guardian
  Really interesting article about how the internet has affected our lives and ability to focus. I've been thinking about my internet activities lately and why I so often feels like my head is going to explode. Hmmm. How do you guys feel about it all?
• How to eat after weight loss - Refuse to Regain
  Lots of good food for thought there.
• Baked lemon tofu double citrus salad - Mostly Eating
  I feel more wholesome just reading Sophie's recipes. Can't wait to try this.
• WIN! A free place on the Up & Running 5K Course is up for grabs today on the lovely MizFit's blog! To enter just answer this question in the comments: If you could run for miles and miles and miles without ever getting tired, where would you run to today?
  
  Hmm. I would run to Iceland and percolate in a geothermal pool for awhile. Cooooool.