I’m prone to getting in a huff when I’ve "only" lost a pound and becoming a grumpy butt, thinking that I’ll never get there. But then something happens to remind me of how far I’ve come.

Today I decided to clean out my desk at work. I’ve been here for 18 months now, and decided it was high time to venture into the Drawers of Doom. Oh dear. Every draw had millions of tiny brown crumbs in the bottom of them. CHOCOLATE CRUMBS!

How did I ever have the nerve to WONDER why I got so bloody fat when half a Cadbury’s factory was sitting in my desk drawer? Nearly every day I would bring some chocolate to work. At lunchtime I wander to the shops and get some more. And I’d be SO sneaky about it. I’d hide it beside my computer and "discreetly" break off a piece and nibble away. Yeah, about as bloody discreet as my enormous arse! I can’t believe I thought noone would notice. When I started WW, a friend and colleague said, "Well now you won’t be able to have your little choccie stash!"

How embarrassing. I even got so pathetic and sneaky that I’d get in to work early when noone else was around. Then I’d break up the chocolate bar into squares and put it in a container so I could eat it during the day without the tell-tale rustling of foil wrappers!

I also used to go the Pick-And-Mix lollies in the supermarket, where you get to choose from a bazillion different candies and pay by the pound. I used to get caramel kisses, coconut drops, chocolate frogs, chocolate almonds, cherry ripe pieces, mini easter eggs… a generous bagful then transfer it to my Chocolate Container in my desk drawer and nibble on that throughout the week.

And of course with chocolate, you don’t stop at one piece. It became a habit, like answering the phone or blowing my nose or typing at the keyboard – just something I did at work. I barely even tasted it, it was like an unconscious habit after awhile.

I haven’t had chocolate in nine weeks. If the craving hits me, I have a WW Chocolate Mousse (one point for a little tub) or a sachet of Jarrah Choc-O-Lait – just add hot water for a half-point cup of hot chocolate. I can even add two marshmellows for another half point if it’s a MAJOR craving. But I don’t do that all the time, like I used to. It’s under control now.

It’s so dangerous when these extremely bad eating patterns become the norm, your everyday practice. 10 weeks ago, my life revolved around food. I’d wake up wondering what I’d have for lunch that day, which fatty concoction to choose from the Food Court at the shopping centre. And even as I ate that greasy fare I’d be wondering what to snack on that afternoon, a chocolate bar or some potato chips? Or both? And what about dinner? And after dinner there’s dessert, which of course is followed by some ungodly fattening after-dinner-parking-your-arse-on-the-couch snacking.

I am shocked and disgusted that this was my EVERYDAY eating! Can you imagine how many bazillion WW points that would be?

But there’s no way I’m going back to that now. I’d end up dead at 25 if I kept that up. And it’s such a bitch cleaning those bloody chocolate crumbs from the desk drawers!

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