Reflections on 60 Tubs of Lard

Can you believe it? I lost 1.7 kg last week! Damn. 31.5 kilos gone forever, that’s 69lb for your non metric people. Damn. I was looking at the dairy section at Woolies the other day, and realised that I was somehow lugging round the equivalent of 60 tubs of margarine. It’s an old trick but a good one – getting a visual picture of how much you’ve lost.

I never, ever thought 5 and a half months ago that I’d be here. 5 and a half months ago it was summer, I was so big I couldn’t find a comfortable position to sleep in, and I was so wheezy I’d wake myself up with the sound of my shaky breathing. I couldn’t reach my shoes properly to tie the laces. I couldn’t walk around the block without being totally and completely exhausted. Making the bed in the mornings left me puffed. I ate McDonalds about 3 times a week. I’d eat a family block of chocolate in one sitting. My size 26 clothes were way too tight. I had about 27 chins!

Now I sleep just fine and I’m discovering bits of me I never thought existed. My spare tyres are slowly slowly shrinking. Beneath the fat I can feel muscles forming, in my calves, my thighs, my stomach, even my dreaded upper arms, they’re there and they’re hard and by the time I blast off this fat, give me a year or so… the body underneath will be pretty nice.

Now I’m comfortably in a size 24, flirting with a 22 (the 24 jeans are getting too big now!), my shoes feel bigger, my socks stay up now, my bra size has dropped from 26D to a almost too big now 24C.

Now I can look in the mirror and not cry 🙂

Now I go to the gym 3-4 times a week for 45-50 mins, I go on the cross trainer, the treadmill, the bike, the rowing machine. I look forward to my workouts. I never, ever thought I’d say that about exercise. If you’ve been reading from the start you may remember that it took me a good couple of months to get into exercise, it was just so difficult at first, hauling that bulk around. Isn’t it just amazing how you can transform yourself, if you persist? If anyone’s reading who thinks they’re too big to exercise, just walk to the end of your driveway and back a few times! Do it again and again and again and before you know it you’ll be going further and further than before and you may even find yourself *gasp* enjoying it!

trust me! 🙂

I saw a friend of mine on Tuesday that I hadn’t seen for three months. She kept hugging and grinning and telling me she "barely recognised" me when I got out of my car. She also said my face looked "heaps skinnier!". I told her not to humour me, because I don’t feel like I look much different. But she reminded me that she hadn’t seen me since March and insisted I look dramatically different.

Hehe.

Please don’t think I am bragging here, it’s more of a reminder for me. If you read the last entry you’ll notice I very VERY easily lose sight of my progress. Writing it down and reading it back to myself makes me stop and think, crikey! You HAVE come a long way! Sure I still have a looooooooong way to go but there’s no reason why I can’t stop and have a hip hip hooray! I’m only a third of the way there… I wonder how good I’ll feel when i get to my goal?

Speaking of losing sight, your emails and gb entries have made SUCH an amazing difference to me, always coming at the right time to put me into respective. I’ve been busy again and bloody AWFUL in terms of replying to emails, I’m so sorry! I will catch up on the weekend for sure.

But for now, I’m off to bed. I’m spent!

Blue

Hello, me again.

Who am I kidding, again? I haven’t written in two weeks. I’ve been so busy. Work is horrid lately. So horrid.

I’m still losing. It’s slowed down to a crawl these past two weeks, which has made me very pouty and irritable.

I am finding it harder during winter. Getting out of bed in the morning is a bitch when your house is old and freezing. You can see your breath. 7am and it’s still icy outside so I don’t feel like going for a walk. Then when I get home from work at the end of the day it’s already too dark for walking.

Still going to the gym, but not as much as I should be. 3 times last week, once so far this week, but still the weekend left before I weigh in again. I just seem so drained lately. And last Tuesday after a particularly stressful day at work I had a stupid argument with my sister and ending up breaking down in the change rooms at the gym. Sob sob sob, my job sucks, blah blah blah. I felt terrible.

Anyway.

I don’t feel like I have been giving this weight loss caper the focus I want lately, work keeps rearing its ugly head and on the weekends I seem to be too tired and numb to do anything but recover from the working week.

I’m just 0.2kg from reaching 30 kg lost. I should be more excited but all I can do is think of how I don’t look much different and how far I have to go and why the hell hasn’t a single person (aside from those who KNOW I am at WW) noticed all those kilos gone? Is anyone ever going to notice?

These winter blues are so pathetic. I crave cuddles like nothing else on earth. Now don’t think I am one of those pathetic females that only feels complete if they’re in a relationship. Hell know it’s been two years since I had one of those. I just feel so invisible when it comes to the opposite sex. You always hear about big folks getting teased about their size, but that’s never happened to me. I just feel invisible. They look right past you, they don’t meet your eyes, they don’t listen to what you say. I don’t exist.

I’m tired of that feeling.

When I’m 64

First things first, congratulations to the lovely Miss Mopsy, who made it to goal on May 22. She has a great journal with some very thoughtful writing and looks fantastic! Well done and thanks for being so inspiring!

I’m still plodding along at WW. Lost half a kilo last week (1.1lb) and 1.4 kg (3.7lb) this week. I’m now 130 kilos (286lb), that’s 29.2 kilos (64lb) gone! I said those numbers out loud tonight and “woo-hoo”ed a bit. I felt damn proud.

I also tried to ignore that whiny little voice in my head that said “But you still have 54 kilos (119lb) to go before you even get to the top of your goal range, never mind the goal weight you want to be…”

Blah blah blah! That voice is gonna be there no matter what, but I choose to ignore it these days.

I’m now managing to get to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, and really enjoying it. I do about 15 minutes on the bike or treadmill, then half an hour on the Evil Crosstrainer. Yes! Half an hour! I can’t believe I can do all that without dying. I even go up to Level 4 now. Woohoo. Strange to think 5 months ago 15 minutes of walking wiped me out.

The weight loss is still showing up on the bod, slowly but surely. The size 24 pants I squeezed into 4 weeks ago now fit really well, even getting a little loose around the waist. My legs look a little smaller. And bloody hell, my boobs are STILL SHRINKING! After bursting out of a D cup, I went down to a C, now the C’s are starting to get a little baggy.

By the way, it’s been very quiet on the email/guestbook front lately. Sure, I haven’t written as much, but am I getting boring? Do I need to spice things up a little? Hmm. Hmm.