Goals Goals Goals

Well darned if I don't feel pretty happy lately. After this weeks 1.1 kg (2.4lb) loss, I now have 49.5 kg to go to the top of my WW goal range. It's just lovely to have it under 50 kilos to go. It sounds much nicer. Sure, it's still Bloody Huge in the scheme of things, in Slimming magazine the average weight loss success story has lost about 20-30 kilos, so I am still the big pork. But hey! Six months ago I had 83.2 kilos to go! That was the most miserable day of my life. I still can't believe how I sobbed and sobbed while standing there on the scales, with a nice crowd watching. Woo.

My secret ambition (well, just between me and you readers, right.) is to reach the top of that goal range by my 25th birthday. That's November 2002. Do you think I can do it? Bloody hell, I think I can. I want it soooo badly. I want to have a big party and wear a slinky dress and get tipsy and dance on tables and french-kiss all my guests.

Yes, that's right! Kiss them all! You may not know that I am quite a lusty dame. Big girls need kissing too, y'know.

Which brings me to the whole point of this entry, which is There's More To Me Than Fat. It's the funny thing about weight loss journals on the web, you often get so caught up in reading about the person's measurements and carrot sticks and calorie burning that you forget that they have other things in their life besides their weight loss travels. Don't you ever wonder what else they get up to? What their hopes and dreams are?

I think this is not only the case online. In the everyday world, fat people's real feelings and personalities are often overlooked. Perhaps this is just my defensive side coming out here, but sometimes I get the impression that some people see Lobotomized Lump of Lard when they see me, and not Interesting Funny Girl With Intelligence And Real Feelings Just Like You. Maybe you're reading this and you're overweight, and you've seen that dismissive, blank look in someone's eye when they serve you in a store or see you at work, it's like they're thinking, "Oh there's Dietgirl, That Fat Chick", and they just think of you as the fat one, rather than any of your other qualities.

Am I being paranoid? Really now. It's just a feeling I often get.

Either way, there's more to me than being overweight and flinging myself around in order to get healthier. What else can I tell you? I'm tall. I love old movies. I have a great job but I don't enjoy it that much. I have two sisters and a brother. I'm addicted to Shape magazine. I have red hair. I love Radiohead. And a bazillion other bands that I'm too lazy to type out. I hate crowds. My car really needs a wash. I love to write. I have another site on the web that gets about 300 hits a day and only one of those people knows about Dietgirl. I hate coca-cola. I make great caramels. I want to be a UN volunteer. I wish I could sing. I have brown eyes. I'm suddenly realising that this list is not very interesting therefore I must not be that interesting. I want to go to Russia and see Lenin in his tomb. I love books and I buy a lot of old Penguins just for the retro covers. I feel guilty a lot coz I am slack with keeping in touch with friends and family. I'm very self-sufficient but damn, I'd like a man. I don't hold my pencil properly. I'm currently reading In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, my fifth attempt at it. I'm incredibly lazy about housework. I hate shopping. I have big, big plans for my life.

Hmmm, that'll do for now. Just wanted you to know there's more to me than this weight loss caper.

But DAMN, I want to wear a slinky dress! There's a shop beside our gym with swanky gowns and I press my nose to the glass and slobber enviously wishing I could get into one of them. All in good time, my friends. All in good time.

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