I Dream of Brownies

I am mourning today. Mourning the fact that my hormones are raging, my ovaries are screaming and my boobs hurt. Mourning that I can’t eat chocolate.

I had a bad day at work yesterday, and so did my sister. We bought a 200g bag of Crispy M&Ms and demolished the whole lot before dinner.

I hadn’t eaten chocolate for months, good lord it was good. It was so damn sweet and fine. I felt sick afterwards and wanted to cry.

Anyway, a day later I am majorly craving the chocolate. I have a salad for lunch. Vegies and some ham. No bloody crispbreads like I usually have coz I stupidly left them at home. Grr. And it’s 40 degrees outside so I am not going to the shops. Instead I choose to sit here and whine.

I am just pissed off that I can’t go to the vending machine without one little KitKat making me gain half a kilo. I am pissed off that I will probably put on weight coz of that M&M episode. I can’t even enjoy the "occassional indulgence" that they recommend because either a) I’ll probably gain weight or b) i will over-indulge and DEFINITELY gain weight.

This is just one of those PMS-induced WHY ME days. Why must I be blessed with this bulbous physique that gains weight so very easily, despite exercise, despite eating so healthily 95% of the time.

GRRR, I say. Grrr.

I remember Dr Phil saying on Oprah once, "TOUGH LUCK!" to all these people who gain weight so easy. That’s the hand you’ve been dealt so deal with it, says Dr Phay-uhl. Well why don’t you just SHUDDUP, you condescending git. Why don’t you just allow me to mourn that I can’t wolf down a Snickers a day like the skinny man in the next cube. Allow me to feel pissed off, allow me to hate salads, allow me to miss full-fat cheese melted on un-complex carbohydrated white bread, allow me to feel fed up and cranky because I’ve been exercising and eating right for over two years and I’m still not skinny yet.

The man just doesn’t account for Feelings. He doesn’t account for how bloody exhausting this is. It’s not a matter of flicking a switch.

Some days you’re just tired and you wish you could make a batch of cookie dough and eat the whole damn thing.

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