Chocolate Challenge

From the No Shit, Sherlock files: Clazza posts a link today to this BBC article that makes the starting revelation: Almost half of adults turn to food to stifle feelings, of boredom, loneliness and stress.

. . .

I think I have a wee masochistic streak.  I made a batch of my infamous Chocolate Banana Muffins for no other reason than to torture myself.  I wanted to see how serious I was about staying on track, so I went out and bought the bananas, the butter, the eggs, the flour, the vanilla, the deliciously caramelly brown sugar, the two 100g bars of chocolate.

I had never creamed butter and sugar together so beautifully. My arm ached from the stirring, but I was rewarded with the most gorgeous golden fluffiness. I wanted to stick my finger in to taste. Correction, I wanted to shove my whole face into the bowl and inhale the whole freakin thing. Then I would scoot around on the kitchen floor trying to get the bowl off my head with my tongue flapping madly, licking ever last drop.

I have these taunting conversations with myself, like Betcha can't resist. Betcha eat a big spoonful.  It's not that cliched "you useless fat chick" negative talk, it is simply me having a contest with myself, trying to see how strong my will is. Betcha can't open two blocks of chocolate and break into little chunks without eating it. Can so! Well ok, betcha can't help licking yer fingers! I washed em right away! In your FACE!

The house filled with the smell of slowly melting chocolate. It was sweet agony. The muffins looked scrumptious, I kinda swirled the batter after I poured it in to each case, so they rose in perfect little domes. I turned them out and just looked at all those chocolate chunks trapped in cake and let the dialogue rage in my head.

Then today I brought em to work and gave them to the blokes and laughed to their inane muffin jokes (your muffins are so moist, I could eat your muffins any time) and was all smug about not eating one myself.

I am constantly having these little competitions with myself, I don't know if it is a healthy way of motivating, but it is fun and ridiculous. Fun and ridiculous works for me.

. . .

Almost chucked a tantrum at the gym on Thursday night.  I hopped on the scale at it said 93.5 kilos. What? STILL? What the hell is going on? I actually STOMPED on the scale I was so annoyed.  But then I remembered:

  1. My last weigh-in, three weeks earlier, had been in the morning.
  2. Of those three weeks, I had only actually been Eating Beautifully for the past five days
  3. And before that I was eating a garbage load of chocolate and way too much toast

Again with the Denial issue.  How often have you got all indignant at the scale without really acknowledging what you've been putting in your gob? Sure there are weeks when you genuinely have been on fire and it doesn't show up, but there are times when you know deep down you've cut a few corners or slipped in a few choccies.

It's amusing to think I somehow thought that five days would have made a dramatic impact. But after  months and months of crapness I guess I thought I'd be rewarded for finally saying no to a few cakes. I thought my trackies would just scream MY GOD YOU'RE SO SKINNY and fall down right there in the middle of the gym as the scale swung round to 75 kilos.

Maybe next week then.

15 thoughts on “Chocolate Challenge

  1. Hee hee hee. Am reading this at work, with a hand nonchalantly over my mouth to stifle the laughter, which might just tip off my supervisor that I’m not doing what I’m meant to be.

    I can just taste the golden fluffiness, though!

    Must say, though, that People Who Bring Goodies to Work are my downfall at the moment. This office (maybe 25 people) has worked its way through a whole big biscuit-tinful of those Celebrations mini chocolate bars in the last five or six hours. I’m slightly nauseated by this rate of consumption even though I was eating them myself.

    Still, I’m going to bike home so it doesn’t matter (self-delusional? me?).

  2. DG, you are a masochist for sure. Creaming the sugar and butter by hand?!?! why d’y think godess gave us food processors?

  3. nice one jude 😛

    clazza – i don’t have a food processor! seems a bit excessive to buy one when you’re only here for two years. but i did buy a wok. hehe!

    kirsten – i feel yer pain! celebrations are satan in a box! they are so tiny, i always think that one or seventeen can’t hurt.

  4. I was pigging out this weekend or not really. I had lots of food but not so much candy and junk but too much food *L*.

    the thing is that I today am back on track and I dont feel any craving fro junk or suger. I feel adult, like I can eat and then go back to normal eating.

    but the story of the banan muffins made it water in my mouth *L*. Give me that bloody recipie *G*

  5. DG, your post just inspired me to bake my own muffins!!! Look what you´ve done…

    But, truth be said, they´re the low-fat kind, my banana and papaya muffins. Hmmmmmm.

  6. As for motivation, whatever works for you. Some people fill their minds with the image of rotting garbage and meat in order to ward off cravings and binges. Personally, I won’t go that far, and I won’t have contests with myself like what you are talking about!

    All I can say is: you are incredible. There’s no way I could resist that. Hell, I wanted to eat the browser window after just reading your description!

  7. Hah, I do the same thing! Last weekend, it was a batch of my ‘exactly like Mrs Field’s chocolate chip cookies’. Mmmmm, so good. So not allowed to have any…

    And I’m all about the denial. When the scale doesn’t say what I want it to, I get all huffy about it, until I stop and think about what I’ve really done. Then I sigh…

  8. I am such a “Denial” Hog. I hve put on 2kg in one week and (although 7weeks preggers) was convinced that something strange was going on. Actually, have convinced myself I am having twins. Of course it couldn’t possibly be the choc self saucing pudding with hokeypokey icecream and cream, no way!! Nor could it be the whole container of butter on toasted fruit bread.

    Bloody twins, bloody scales.

    Bloody fat me.

  9. Oh my god, that post was just too damn funny. Case in point, last night I lost my THIRD match with a pan of brownies in a WEEK. Oy vey.

  10. I thought I was the only one who expects the scales to reflect good intentions! “But, but, I didn’t eat a cookie today. Isn’t that worth at least a 5 pound loss? No?”
    (thanks for helping me laugh at myself!)

  11. Hey DG,

    You are braver than I . . . I don’t even try buying baking supplies anymore. Too tempting.

    Just curious . . .what happened to the links on the sidebar? I was hoping you’d hook me up . . . oh well 🙂

  12. Those muffins sound great… could you post the recipe if you get a sec? I’m sure my *ahem* coworkers would love them! 😉

  13. I do home baking sometimes, because my son loves us to make choc cakes and biscuits together – but I try and make it a rule that we don’t have shop-bought ones, so we only get cakes when we make them. Fortunately my natural laziness lessens the likelihood of them getting made hurrah.

  14. I like your tactic Clazza, better still if you end up eating the homemade cakes you can say “well at least they’re REAL! no corn syrup or hydrogenated oils!” hehe.

    Cally – will post it in the next entry fer sure 🙂

    Glib Gurl – I am lazy and haven’t pasted the code into my sidebar after I switched to TypePad… kinda easier not to have one after awhile…

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