Saturday Night Fever

I am wild crazy partying fool, living life on the edge. This is why I spent my Saturday evening at the gym. Woo yeah! My sister came with me this time. We plugged our headphones into the machines and huffed and puffed along and watched the drivel that passes for Saturday night television.

The gym was practically empty so I had one of the treadmills where you can see yourself in the mirror. Well you can see your head and shoulders, and your legs, but your middle is concealed by the front of the treadmill. That suited me fine as my middle is the bit of my bod I find least pleasant to look at. Hehe.

It was strange being there, back on them cardio machines after all these years. When my sister and I started our weight loss campaigns way back in  2001 we’d head off to the gym at 7 o’clock most weeknights, as soon as Big Brother was finished. At first I could only walk 10 minutes on the treadmill then I’d plop down on the stationery bike and pedal for another ten minutes as I read Vogue or Cosmo so I could erode my self esteem while eroded my thighs.

I remember the first time I got on the elliptical machine, I was down to about 130 kilos (286lb) by then. I could barely manage five minutes. Puff puff puff. I looked across at the mirrors and saw my face glowing tomato red, my giant trackpants struggling to contain my voluminous arse. I just have this perfect picture in my mind of how I looked at that moment, more so how I felt. It was pure bloody hatred combined with overwhelming overwhelmed-ness about the enormity of trying to become less enormous. Yes, I know, me speak good English.

Anyway, I compared that memory to how I felt about what I saw now. I was thankful for the concealed stomach area but I was happy with what I saw. My face has a nice glow of sweat without being that special Call The Ambulance shade of red. Sure, it’s a body that could benefit from further weight loss and exercise, but I was more excited by the fact I was at the gym and making it RUN. Sure it was five minutes but I never, ever thought in a million years I could get this body to do that at all, let alone do it and enjoy it. I felt so proud, so fucking happy to be alive and active and not at home alone with 2 litres of ice cream and a spoon.

One thing I did notice, however, is that I run like a dickhead. I don’t know where my feet were going but it wasn’t one in front of the other in an orderly fashion, I was all over the shop! I took the opportunity to focus on my form, keeping my shoulders back and getting a decent stride going. Running on the treadmill isn’t ideal but I am glad I did it so I could see what I was doing. Now when I’m next out on the mean streets I can look less of a turkey. Maybe.

12 thoughts on “Saturday Night Fever

  1. Wearing smaller jeans is nice and all, but fitness accomplishments like this are so much better. Congrats!!

  2. Keep it up! I know exactly what you are feeling about “getting your body to do that” and it only gets better! Good job

  3. It’s the hatred that ruins you. The other night at the bar I was seated facing my friends and behind my friends was a…mirror. I had to catch accidental glimpses of myself making the most hideous fat faces, and I’m telling you, my silhouette all squished up on that bar stool was not nice at all. Even though the whole time I was having lots of fun, I was drinking, I enjoyed the company, but I was so painfully aware of the fact that I was frantically suppressing this horrible hatred of myself. It’s so exhausting.

    And I don’t actually hate myself. I like myself a whole lot. It was my perception of the image in the mirror I was hating, and my fear that that’s how the rest of the world sees me.

  4. God you and I are so alike right now except that Im 10 years older or so *L*.

    As I told you before I signed up at a local gym as well and yesterday was the first time there doing my morning jog/walk. I had decided that I wanted to run for at least 10 min at every go but totally I would be up there for 60 min as I do when Im out. I ended up running for 40 min in one go. Now it is on a totally flat treadmill and no hills etc like it is outside and pretty slow only 8 km/hour but I as you I never thought this body would be able to run for that long. I have always had problems running even when I was very fit and a basket ball player on a pretty high level but now it was fun. And I like my gym it is small and not many people at all. Makes me feel at home right away and Im longing for tomorrow morning when Im going to run again.

    Why didnt I do this before? Why did I do this to my body in the first place (getting this fat)? I feel like I have lost so much and that makes me angry.

  5. You go killer. I took run like a goose. I had to pay someone to teach me HOW to run properly.
    Its worth it though….

  6. Go you good thing!!!

    ‘that special Call The Ambulance shade of red’, heh. Alas, I know it well. I think I’m doomed for life, no matter what weight I am I’ll always get that lovely crimson glow!

  7. Hey! You must be feeling so happy about yourself πŸ™‚ I’m starting to think that “fitness” goals are better than weight goals (who am I trying to kid, I still love to see the scales go down!).
    Good luck for your future weightloss!!!

    Hi Dietgirl, I really like your site and your way of looking at the world.
    Get someone at your gym to correct your running style. I too run/ran like a dickhead. I am in the process of recovering fitness/losing weight after having a baby – which is the problem. I started like you, doing it the right way – slowly increasing my distance and speed over the year etc etc. However, running in a biomechanically incorrect way has caused an inflamed sacral joint (ow ow ow) which means I can’t run until it’s treated (boo hoo boo hoo) by a physio ($$$). Soooooo (end of lecture) even though your pelvis is probably MUCH more stable than mine, best get yoiur running style looked at so you don’t hurt yourself.
    cheers, and well done, you are great

  9. Congratulations on the running and recognising how far you’ve come!

    I’m not a runner myself, dodgy ankles and lower back and biiiiiig boobies = no running! But just recognising how much fitter you are and how much better your body looks (even if you run like a dickhead!) must be very satisfying.

  10. Hey DG I’m back and it’s tomorrow and you haven’t said anything more yet? C’mon woman, don’t tease us like that, heh πŸ™‚

  11. well done!keep up the hard work, it’ll be worth it.I used to love going to the gym but now I cant afford it coz im a poor student!I have to make do with taking my dog on a walk etc!
    stick at it and good luck xx

  12. From today’s Globe and Mail:

    What do you call someone who gets in top physical shape without the help of a coach or performance-enhancing drugs? Self taut. — Paul Robertson Day, Kanata, Ont.



Comments are now closed on all Dietgirl posts. For fresh conversation please visit me at