Last night my lovely Scottish boy and I were poking around on the internet, catching up on news while we had been away in Spain. At one point I closed the browser window and my email program popped up behind it. It was open to a Dietgirl New Comment Posted notification email. My heart nearly stopped as I saw him looking at it. I wanted to lunge for the mouse and close the window but how pathetic would that have looked? He was pretty sleepy so I don’t know if he took it in, the URL was there for the world to see.
Now I am at work and he is back at my place having a wee sleep-in. I am trying not to panic thinking of him cranking up my iBook and typing in www.dietgirl.org and seeing this site.
I don’t know why I never mentioned it to him, lord knows I’ve hinted a million times. He knows I submitted some chapters for Erin’s book but I never explained how I happened to become involved – he reads my non-fat blog and you wouldn’t see the connection from there. I just never got round to telling him about how far I have come with this weight loss caper. The other day I was totally out of clean undies and had to put on this old pair of size 22 ones that almost come up to my boobs, we were having a laugh at how silly they looked and I said, "These used to fit, you know." I told him I’d show him a Before picture sometime, but I conveniently forgot about it.
I found out the other day he weighs just 73 kilos (160 lb). I told him I weighed more than that and he wouldn’t believe me. Arrgh! I doubt I will ever weigh that much. I know he’s a lean mean machine and I am a curvy build by nature, but jeez! When I think about the twenty-something kilo difference between us I start feeling like a heiffer. Sometimes he’ll try to lift me up and I squirm away shrieking, "Nooo! You’ll break your back!" and he’ll say I’m being too harsh on myself. But little does he know!
It’s all completely irrational because he is the loveliest thing you could hope to meet and totally rules the school. He is always kind and supportive to me regardless of whether I am being all vigilant about healthy eating or ripping into a bar of chocolate. I am sure if he found this site he’d be just as proud of me as I am of myself. But I still feel funny about him seeing those Before pictures, my weight on the sidebar, years of archived struggles with depression and bitching and Issues. I think it’s coz I feel guilty for holding back on something thats been such a big part of my life, I have been quite sneaky and secretive about it all. I guess it just takes time to feel ready to share certain pieces of yourself.
Och well. If you’re reading m’love, HELLOOOOO!
. . .
Despite all I’ve said above, can I just say the following one more time. I am not obsessed with weight loss, I am not always preoccupied with The Fat. While I was away I received a few emails on this topic. It’s been suggested that if I took away the time and energy fretting over it, there would basically be nothing else in my life.
This is absolutely not the case. I have plenty of other things that fill my time. Must I list all my non-fat hobbies for you? I love travel, I love writing, photography, pina coladas and long walks on the beach. I have many friends that I spend time with and when we go out to the pub I do not shred my napkin into a million pieces coz I’m worrying about the calories.
This is weight loss blog. Thus the writing herein is largely on the topic of weight loss. If you bought a book about birdwatching, would you flip through the chapters and say, "Dude, this is just about birds! Is that all the author bloody thinks about?". Of course you don’t, it’s a publication with a specific purpose.
Writing these entries takes up about twenty minutes of my life, once or twice a week, or less. That leaves a shitload of days and hours and minutes full of life that is occupied by other things. It just happens to be that I like to write my way through the blur of thoughts in my head and this, thanks to the interaction with you lovely folks, has become my favoured medium for doing so.
. . .
Anyway, I am back from Valencia where I remembered what it felt like to feel sunlight crawl over your bare arms so deliciously. We did sooo much walking as our hotel was miles from anywhere. I also ate relatively well and enjoyed FRESH LOCAL PRODUCE instead of some shrink-wrapped Kenyan cucumber like you get here in Britain. Hehe. I have logged back into WLR and I’m ready to get back on track.
So how’re you doin’?