Stacks On!

My motivations have subtly changed. In the aftermath of the Shitty Twix Incident, I was reassessing my reasons for wanting to bust the last of this lard. It slowly dawned on me that Busting Lard in itself is not enough motivation anymore. Fluctuating numbers on the scale no longer scare me shitless. The threat of not fitting into my wedding frock won't keep me away from the vending machine. The lure of a smaller clothing size isn't that strong.

These days, the above motivations are more likely to trigger internal dialogue like, "Who cares what the numbers say?" or "I can just buy more squishy-in undergarments" or "There's nothing wrong with being a size 16 anyway". Those motivations have sent me to the Hot Roll Man for a scone or to Marks and Spencer for some cakes. Those motivations had me thinking I can get away with being this size, and got me wondering how much crap I can get away with eating before I started stacking the weight back on.

(Incidentally, the Scottish Companion loves the Australian phrase "stacked it on". We were watching an old episode of Kath and Kim recently and Kath was telling someone that Kim has "really stacked the weight on". Now if I ask him should I have a chocolate bar or a bacon roll he'll say, "I dunno, you'll stack the weight on!". Hehe.)

This past week I have eaten absolutely beautifully and there was no stress or fuss about it. Why? Because I started looking at food in terms of how it would affect my health and fitness. I've been struggling with this Stupid Knee and I am desperate to maintain my fitness and eventually get back to running. So if faced with a plate of cakes at work, as I was FOUR TIMES this week, I thought, "Will this shit make me feel good?". And I'd think, well no. I'd end up with one of those awful post-sugar binge headaches then slink home and sit on the couch instead of going to the gym. THAT stopped me from eating rubbish, instead of thinking about the scale or my wedding dress. This was inspired a lot from something Julia wrote this week, incidentally.

I went to the physio last night and it's a confirmed case of worn-out overused runners knee. Plus my quads and glutes are quite weak so I will need to make them stronger. It is going to take time, patience and dedication. If I want to get back into the running I will need to be consistent and take care of myself, not just some half-assed stretches before bed. So this is my goal! To strengthen my bod! And eating well is a part of that. If the weight comes off, that's a bonus.

The closer I get to a healthy weight the more important I think it is to look beyond the scale. When I was pushing 160 kilos I had to look at the scale, because measurements didn't change that quickly and fitness was a non-event. That cursed contraption was the only guage I had of my progress. But now I have to think beyond that and decide how I want my life to be. What's going to work in the long term? Training for the 5k taught me that having a specifc non-scale goal helps me feel balanced and motivated to be healthy. And I think a lot of the commenters were right, the Shitty Twix Incident was about post-race I Deserve It-ness. But I quickly moved on and now I am focused on my goal of getting a stronger and run-worthy body.

I know this approach works for me, because while I've only lost a few kilos since I got married, I have shrunk. I went jeans shopping on Monday and got into size 16s in five different Skinny Person's Shoppes. I almost died from shock that I actually had choice and didn't have to grab whatever fitted. In the end I went for the ones that weren't so low cut that my arse crack showed when I sat down. Mwahaha.

Now after saying I'm not concerned about the scales, I will post my Weigh-In Wednesday results, just in case anyone's been following along at home!

Wednesday Weigh-In – Week Twenty-Two

last update: 15 June 2005

original start weight: 159.2 kg (351 lb) on 17 Jan 2001
original start bmi: 53.4

fresh start weight: 95.9 kg (211.4 lb) on 12 Jan 2005
fresh start bmi: 32.2

current weight: 84.5 kg (186.3 lb)
current bmi: 28.3

result this week: -2.2 kg (4.8 lb)

loss in 2005: -11.4 kg (25 lb)
total loss since 2001: -74.7 kg (164.6 lb)

initial goal weight: 75 kg (165 lb)
distance to goal: 9.5 kg  (21 lb)

I'm now below 85kg which is when I told myself I'd take a new progress photo. My mum recently emailed me some really bad Before Pics so I'll post them too so you can compare and contrast! As soon as I get round to doing the pics. Stay tuned, groovers!

29 thoughts on “Stacks On!

  1. This is just what I needed to see today! After coming home to my loving family – for whom food equals love – I’ve been gaining weight back, and that’s just not good. But this reminds me that I can have motivation beyond just “losing weight,” and I’m going to start an exercise programme again as soon as my houseguests leave. Thanks so much!

  2. Wow- so good to here that last post. Your right- the scale doesn’t always reflect the overall progess. (I’ll have to keep telling myself that.) That being said- 4lbs this week! woo hoo.
    Looking forward to progress pics.

  3. Yay! Sounds like a very healthy approach to keeping yourself motivated. All the best for improving strength and health and happiness along with skinny-shop sizing! But for all that, great scale victory anyway. 11.4 kilos down since Jan? Wow. Well done!

    looking forward to seeing the progress piccies πŸ™‚

  4. Yay! Sounds like a very healthy approach to keeping yourself motivated. All the best for improving strength and health and happiness along with skinny-shop sizing! But for all that, great scale victory anyway. 11.4 kilos down since Jan? Wow. Well done!

    looking forward to seeing the progress piccies πŸ™‚

  5. I’ve never posted before, but I love your site and read it religiously. Anyway–I was NEVER motivated to work out, eat right blah, blah, blah, just to be thin–just couldn’t be bothered to drop the pounds or even think about it. But then I fouled up my knees (bad!) and discovered a weird correlation in the midst of intensive physical therapy. It was this: eat right/exercise–drop a few pounds (and really not that many)= Presto! No limp whatsoever. Get lazy/eat junk–put on a few = Gimpy girl. I’ve come to the sorry conclusion that nothing, not even vanity, motivates me like physical pain. I hope that’s uplifting! But even if it’s not, it’s one little added benefit of the healthy living to take into consideration.

  6. Love your blog…and since I’m closer to the beginning of my journey I still remember how crappy I felt when I didn’t eat right…

    Here’s some things I’ve noticed.

    I don’t have headaches anymore.
    I have long, thick nails (instead of short, brittle, splitting nails.)

    and the latest…..

    Yesterday I felt like I was coming down with a cold, sneezing all over the place… I took some medicine, got some rest and today I feel fine!!

    Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels!!!!

  7. Well said! I think it makes a lot of sense to change your focus when you are getting down into smaller sizes, especially since it will lay a good foundation for maintaining your preferred weight. That is how I need to start thinking for my long-term weight loss (even though I’m still in the “oh please just melt away some of this lard!” stage). Thanks for another inspiring entry!

  8. Great insight. Once you’ve accomplished certain goals it’s easy to make excuses. I decided that I wanted to be a better, faster runner and triathlete, so my fitness goals are based on that, not on looking a certain way.

  9. I loved hearing what you had to say today. I am just beginning so I am praying that the scale will be my friend next Monday after one week of counting my points and going to the gym regularly. This is so hard and it is nice to know that eventually, if I keep at it, I will get to where you are and your thinking. Right now I am all about get this shit off me ASAP! LOL

  10. As long as you find something that motivates you then it’s still working!! Size 16 jeans – how fantastic. I remember way back when I was size 10. Crying!!

  11. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I just read The Making of a Porker again, and you are now the same weight as you were in the 11th grade!!! That is seriously cool – you have come so far! It can never hurt to look at how much you have already achieved – rock on Diet Girl!

  12. Good for you DG.
    I’ve been sitting here and thinking about your post. I think you spot on about the size issue because I was thinking about how great it would be to be size 16 but you’re right – that’s not the end of the road for someone who wants to live a fit and healthy life. And while I’m certain you look like a sexy chick these days (looking forward to the new pic), you need to lessen the impact on that knee. Everytime I have a sore knee I think about how much weight they have to carry around every day. You have already made a huge difference in this respect but there is a little way to go yet. I think strengthening those muscles will make a big difference too.

    My partner loves the sayings on kath and Kim too. His favourite is ‘hunk a’ spunk’. It makes him giggle every time even though were on our second helping of K&K now.

    And thanks for your comment on my journal by the way. I’m looking forward to my Race for Life this weekend even though it’s forecast to be 29 degrees in London!

  13. Yes, that was just what I needed to hear too. Wouldn’t you know, I have a creaky knee too at the moment? It must be Sore Knee Week.

    I think your ideas are really sensible. I tend to do the “there’s nothing wrong with size 16” thing too… but I don’t think one can do this half-heartedly: you just end up sabotaging yourself and feeling bad (I do, anyway).

  14. This is the change of focus I need now. The vanity stuff is over, I have achieved most of that now. From here on in it’s got to be because I want to live a long, healthy life and die of ridiculously healthy old age.

    But it’s a long slow process to get my head around.

  15. Im training up for a 5km too!
    Its a nice change to look at this goal thats fitness related rather than sitting there looking at the scales.
    I hope that your knees and all that get better, stronger than ever!


  16. WOW! In just 5kg time you will have lost half your body weight! Thanks just amazing!!

    You have hit the nail on the head with “scales not being enough” – I feel exactly the same way now πŸ™‚

  17. Beautiful post Shauna. I have read it several times so far. I really need to do some work of my own and find my motivation again, because I loose some of it every time I get a compliment. I am so dangerously comfortable in my body right now, that it makes me worry at times.
    I am going to the beach this weekend. Perhaps putting on this swiming suit will give me my wake up call ;o)
    Amazing loss too!

  18. So if faced with a plate of cakes at work, as I was FOUR TIMES this week, I thought, “Will this shit make me feel good?”. And I’d think, well no. I’d end up with one of those awful post-sugar binge headaches then slink home and sit on the couch instead of going to the gym. THAT stopped me from eating rubbish, instead of thinking about the scale or my wedding dress.

    Christ on a pogo stick, YES. YES YES YES.

    Food isn’t all about fuel, certainly– I mean, a world where there’s no room for chocolate cake once in a while is no world for me– but I am continually amazed at how good I feel when I fuel my body with care. It’s a form of prentative medicine, rather than reactionary pill-popping (or, in this case, chocolate-chomping). I love it. It’s one of the things about eating this way that has truly hooked me and got me instantly enthusiastic about it.

    God, I barely recognize my old self anymore where food is concerned. How did I ever expect to feel good?

  19. Great post and a fab blog.
    your words are resonating truth and insight. I have always been a size 12-14, in one year i gained 20kg after struggling with a thyroid problem and all its consequences. Since then i have tried so many diets half-heartedly and always end up where i started.
    You have inspired me to better long term goals.

  20. Bravo!

    Only a ‘few kgs since your wedding?’ Mate, that is a top effort!

    Re-reading this entry and re-reading that you were 160kgs once in your life, it still blows me away to this very day. Nearly a 70’s girl. Can you believe it?

    Wait, I mean, nearly a full time runner, can you believe it? *wink*

  21. congrats on an awesome loss! and it is so true about taking the focus off the scales as you get closer. I too have been looking at food in terms of my health & fitness and it makes it a hell of a lot easier to stick to points and really changes the relationship with food and eating patterns

    just had another look at your pics, u r such an inspiration!!!

  22. The mindset you mention – looking at food in terms of what it will do to your health – is so healthy that it makes it completely clear how far you’ve come mentally in your journey to better health. I hope that, one day, I can get my head around to that way of thinking, too. Thanks for sharing!

  23. It’s true the thing about strengthening your legmuscles. Been there myself. If you don’t want to do everything at the gym but like to do some of it at home I can really recommend a dvd with Tammi Lee “I want that body” – the part for the bottom is also for the legs and it gives perfecit help for running. Here is a link, if it works. It seems so long.

    You should also find a god stretch that concentrates on the knee to avoid getting that knee again. My boyfrien has a problem with his knee too so I know that stretching really helps.

  24. Go Diet Girl Go!!

    Get the glutes and the quads strong – lunges and dips are the key – Get on the nordic trainer so you can strenghten your legs for running without the impact – set yourself a 30 minutes at 80% goal listenting to the ipod and then do five more minutes, with the sweat pouring out of you and the lungs complaining just to prove to yourself what a tough cick you are and I absolutey promise you, rock solid, gold class promise you will come to love it and once you come to love it food becomes irrelevant and you will have so much energy you will frighten yourself.

  25. Someone else is an “I Want that Body” fan? I don’t often admit to doing the Tamilee workout because it sounds so cheesy, but that’s exactly what I use now to maintain my leg muscles after screwing up my knee. (The abs workout is fabulous too.)

  26. I think I’m right there with you, weighing about the same in face. I haven’t come as far, but I’m definately in that same motivational slump. You’ve inspired me to try running, although I haven’t actually done it yet. Mostly I’m just embarrassed about some passing motorist pointing and laughing at seeing me jiggle up and down.

  27. You look fabulous… I really loved this post. It hit me hard, because I’m learning, just finally, how the junky food I have always loved makes me feel physically – and it’s not generally good. I have found myself unconciously choosing snacks that are healthier – and have been surprised that this is how I want it to be. I’m far from “perfect” or even where I hope to be eventually… but slowly, surely, I think I’m heading in the right direction!

    I did appreciate your saying that when you began, the scale was the best way to measure your success – and it had to matter. It makes me feel better to hear someone else say that… because I feel that way. Like you, I am dealing with a bum knee (unlike you, mine is not exercise related!) at the moment and can’t go to the gym. I start physical therapy this week, and hope it helps. For now, my activity is limited.

    Anyway, another great post… I’ve added your blog to my good reads :)!

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