I loved Zara’s post about her new dance class. Fun cardio, is what she calls it. Goddamn, we all should have some fun cardio. I still pine for my old Body Jam class. Don’t get me wrong, I am rubbish dancer. Every class ended with me whining to my sister, and her very patiently walking through the steps, and me still cocking them up. But it was fun and ridiculous and difficult. It made you get sweaty but it made you feel sexy. And there were Beyonce songs!
My favourite tracks were always the Latin ones. Probably because I finally found a use for ample hips. And probably because the steps were easier than the hip hop songs. But mostly because the rhythms were so irresistible.
I thought of looking for a salsa class or similar, but the Scottish Companion isn’t really interested. That would be my fault, because I once told him salsa classes are where marriages go to die. At least that’s what happens on the telly. Has anyone seen Lantana? Or what about Rico and Vanessa in Six Feet Under? They went along to put the spark back into the marriage but turns out Vanessa was popping pills then Rico ended up with that lap dancer and it was all downhill from there.
Another reason I am wary of salsa classes is that you have to wear high heels. I have never worn high heels. Well I wore them once, on our wedding day. I clomped around like a footballer in drag. Luckily I only had to go from our hotel room to the taxi, then from taxi to Chapel, then down the aisle and back again. God bless Las Vegas and its moving walkways.
Elsewhere in Blogland, Nancy wrote a cracker of a post called The Truth About Weight Loss, and actually says a lot about the Truth About Maintenance.
Oh! And three cheers for Triathlete Sue!
The brain and the body are never in synch. The brain feels proud after a good workout, or when it has passed up a chocolate cake, or drunk all its water. The brain feels like it should be rewarded. So the brain goes running to the scale and feels crushed when the number hasn’t changed.
But the body is slow. It has a vague idea that it is being fed differently and made to move in new ways, but it gets confused and takes awhile to catch on. Huh? What are you doing to me? Wha’ happened?
There can be weeks or months of the brain getting impatient, stamping its feet and throwing plates at the wall. But then one fine day the body will catch up, and it feels like a whole bunch of things change overnight.
It’s probably coincidence and my being chronically unobservant, but this happened to me last week. After weeks of frustrating nothing, I seemed to notice oodles of changes all at once and proved yet again why Patience, Grasshopper is my mantra:
- The new Australian trousers that sliced me in half in October can now be put on without undoing the zipper!
- The boobs no longer fill the bra! My cup runneth under! (Memo to boobs: ENOUGH! I don’t want you any smaller)
- My once skin-tight H&M tops are loose around the waist!
- I increased my weights for Body Pump!
- Strange tendons appeared in my feet. I was getting seriously creeped out by them, and started shrieking about "freaky bones", until SC explained they were tendons everyone has those. Indeed, my feet used to be seriously lardy, folks.
And most exciting of all, there is a gap between my thighs. When I stand up straight and press my knees together, there is a little gap between my thighs. There’s light shining through! You could put a person either side of me and they could peer right through and wave at each other. If they squint a little.
It may seem ridiculous to you, how much this thrills me. But even though my stomach has long stopped spilling down south, I have always had chunky thighs and was resigned to the idea that they would always be smushed together, crashing and clashing like pale, doughy cymbals. Behold the miracle of exercise!
The other night, after prattling on about The Gap all evening, I was drifting off to sleep when the Scottish Companion suddenly wriggled his hand between my legs.
"What are you doing?"
"I’m checking out your Gap!"
"You could drive a truck through that Gap!" I could hear him grinning.
"Listen, I’m not going to tell you these things if you’re going to mock!"
"I’m not mocking! It’s like the Arc de Triomphe!!