I felt like a fraud when you all congratulated me on resisting the Mars Bar Ice Cream last week. The only reason I resisted it was because it wasn’t what I really wanted.
What I really wanted was a Marks & Spencer Vanilla Chunky Giant. Which is like a Magnum – chocolate coated vanilla ice cream – except not as sweet and cloying. But M&S was closed by the time I puffed up from the train station, so I couldn’t get one. Had I dared to shove past the security guard and barge to the freezer section before they locked the doors, I would definitely have bought one. The Mars Bar, with its extreme sweetness and flimsy chocolate, didn’t seem an adequate substitute at the time. So I’m not really a beacon of strength for turning it down; just a fussy, spiteful git.
It really helps to cultivate a certain fussiness with certain foods. To be choosy with lofty standards. I remember when the right time for food was ANY TIME and the right food was ANY FOOD. Now I like it to be the right food, at the best time of day or week, consumed in the perfect locale with the planets in correct alignment…
The best example is chocolate. Green and Blacks is now my preferred brand. I try not to eat it between Sunday and Tuesday, because that’s too close to Wednesday Weigh In, thus I wouldn’t really be able to relax and enjoy it. So Wednesday night is good. Or I like to eat it on a Friday night, when I know the working week is behind me and there’s nothing else I should be thinking about and I can sleep in the next day and wake up at my leisure and think fondly, How about that great chocolate I ate last night. And I like eating it on the couch when Gareth is beside me; he’s usually reading or on the laptop and there’s music on and everything’s peaceful. That’s why I get cranky if I get a chocolate from the vending machine at work, or eat M&Ms in the dark at the movies, or a few stray squares when I know there’s a phone call to be made or some menial task to do. It has to be mindful consumption. If you’re only meant to eat a tiny wee portion of chocolate, well then you have to pay attention to the moment! If you eat chocolate in the dark, how do you even know if you really ate it? Did it really happen?!
One of my favourite times and places is the train on a Thursday evening, when I’ve been in town looking at the shops or getting a haircut. I get one of those tiny bars and a magazine then tell myself I can’t start eating until after the first stop. Then after that I break off a little bit more after each stop and the 35 grams are finished just as I get to my station. Sweeeeeet.
Looking at my spreadsheet, I’ve eaten a lot less chocolate this year since I started making it a real treat. Methinks I need to treat toast with the same reverence!
. . .
Last week was much better. I ate reasonably and the scale was down a few pounds today. I’m not going to record anything officially because it just a bit too dramatic of a loss. I have been all feverish with a cold, eating less and just drinking tonnes of water so everything is out of whack. I can just tell that the big dive in numbers isn’t a proper loss, so I am going to kick on this week and see what happens.
I had a great exercise week too! A big cheer to Marla for suggesting wall push-ups while my knees are dodgy. They were surprising gruelling! Perhaps more so than the knee ones.
I managed a slow, easy bike ride on Saturday, with no knee pain! I have lost so much fitness though. I tried to convince myself that two months of next-to-no cardio had NOT entirely replaced my muscles with gelatinous bulk, but now I’m more than a little bit disillusioned. I was sweating and pedalling my pudgy legs out during that bike ride, surely I was flying! But then Gareth passed me with his legs rotating as slow as molasses and said, "Isn’t it nice to be outside? This is so relaxing…" Hehe.
All was going great on Planet Knee until Monday when I wore some slip-on sandals that really seemed to hammer my knees walking on the pavement to the station. I am going to have to stick to boring, sensible shoes as every time I wear something remotely dainty my knee ends up all tender and sore again. I spoke to the physio about it and have got some different kinds of exercises to do now, which hopefully will help my strength levels. It’s such a slow, tedious process and I’ll bore you no further with the details. Rest assured I am doing all the things I need to be doing.
Well I am feeling more snotty than entertaining or insightful today so I will just slink off to bed… til next time, comrades!