Don’t come too close! My garlic breath has the power to KILL!
During hummus-making today, I was soothed by the sight of chickpeas meeting their grisly fate inside the food processor. Just seeing such wholesome ingredients whizzing around made me feel calm and healthier. Especially after Last Night.
Oh lordy. Christmas Dinner was delicious, but laden with butter and animals. And chased with another Sticky Toffee Pudding. My stomach protested, instantly round and taut as a basketball. No, TWO basketballs! I had to unbutton my jeans and let it all hang out on the in-laws couch.
When we got home, after a twenty minute farting concerto, Gareth and I played the Two Fatties on the Scale Game. Of course there was no contest. I had "gained" four kilos to his pathetic two.
I didn’t extract my lazy, lardy arse from bed until noon today. For shame. But I remembered my Vow of Wholesomeness and had porridge for lunch. Then carrots and hummus at sunset, just 3.5 hours later. And pumpkin soup for dinner. Now I am going to eat a clementine.
And now everyone hear my Vow of Productivity! I will arise by 8am and not waste another moment of my Christmas holidays.
So how is everyone else doing out there?