I was walking along the beach, or more like waddling along the beach because the sand seemed so thick and heavy I could barely lift my legs up and down. I was hot and uncomfortable as it was, but then I had to walk past a bunch of tanned and buff blokes who were posing on their towels.
"I spy with my little eye," said one of them, smirking at me as he took a sip of beer, "A pair of disastrous thighs!"
"Disastrous thighs!" I sputtered to Gareth, as I awoke from this seaside dream. "Can you believe that? What a bastard!"
"Why disastrous thighs?"
"I dunno, I think it was meant to rhyme with eye. Anyway, he was having a go at my thighs!"
"Hmmm. Looks like you’re paranoid about your legs on a sub-conscious level!"
Could be, Fred. I feel so content with the ol body these days, but perhaps deep down I’m convinced that is only because I’m no longer living in Australia where you have to display your pale, blubbery pins for three quarters of the year unless you want to die of heat exhaustion. THANK GOODNESS I live in Britain where it’s almost winter and this is the view from your window at 4 o’clock in the afternoon:
I’m not going to leave the house at all, let alone leave the house in an outfit that would reveal any ghostly flesh.
. . .
Does anyone remember Operation Push-Up? I made it a new year’s resolution to build up to proper push ups on my toes (aka "Man" Push Ups… snort!). In January I could do half of one, which was really more like a direct belly-whacker into the carpet when my arms collapsed. I managed to get up to two in May before I had to abandon the mission when I injured my neck/shoulder and had all that physiotherapy. Grrr.
Since I got the all-clear in July, I’ve slowly been rebuilding my upper body strength. It’s only been the past ten weeks that I’ve consistently managed two proper UB weights sessions per week. And I’m finally seeing some results! I read Krista’s Mistressing The Pushup advice, and started with push ups on the wall, then kitchen counter. Because my knees can’t stand any pressure on them, I had to skip the next stage altogether – knee push ups. So I’ve just been doing one or two wobbly full bodies then gone back to my trusty wall.
Today I was doing my Pyramid Upper Body DVD and the warm-up called for knee push ups. "RAH! I told you before, I can’t do those!" I yelled at the laptop. Instead of watching Cathe with my hands on my hips I decided to try as many as I could on my toes. And I managed eight! Slowly! With good form! WOOHOO! I couldn’t bloody believe it!
Okay, it’s hardly enough to get me into the army but it’s a helluva lot better than my previous zero. If I ever get to the stage where I can actually Drop And Give You Twenty, I will make a movie and upload it for you all to marvel and/or snigger at my sheer athleticism. Mwahaha.