Raising Hell

My fellow Americans! Or rather, people who read this site who are Americans!

I stayed up late last night watching your Superbowl thingy, in an attempt at cross-cultural understanding. I must say I am more baffled than ever. There seems to be ten dozen people on the field at once, and they only jig about for a minute before everything stops again. I calculated at that rate of action half time would be about 3AM my time. So I had to go to bed. I only just found out that Prince was the half-time spectacle. PRINCE! With a cleaning lady headscarf! I’m gutted to have missed that.

Meanwhile in the UK the Six Nations has started, with not a shoulder pad nor a Billy Joel in sight. Just poor Scotland being destroyed by England, no thanks to the return of that that prodigious bastard Jonny Wilkinson. As he kicked goal after goal, all I could do was bitch at the telly, "Why’s he doing that crouching-toilet-praying-yoga pose? STAND UP STRAIGHT, dammit!".


No doubt I was just cranky as it was the third day in a row that I, coincidentally, could not stand up straight. Earlier in the week I’d done a killer lower body workout that included calf raises. It sounded innocent enough – standing on the step on my tippy-toes and going up and down 100000 times. The next day I rolled out of bed and discovered a world of pain. My calves were mooing, as Maggie would say. I could not straighten my legs. I had to stagger around the house in the above Jonny Wilkinson semi-squat, with Gareth behind me cackling, "Get a move on, Granny!".

It was a full five minutes before I could rise to my full height. Ahh the agony. The sweet, delicious muscular agony! Those calf raises better have done good things for my chubby legs or ELSE. Today’s the first day I’ve been able to rise from a chair at normal speed!

You know, I’m sorry these entries have been so breezy lately. So flippant; so What I Ate For Breakfast, if you will. I do have more profound and thoughtful things to say but haven’t sat down to write them out properly as I’ve been a wee bit busy. I’ll get onto it quick sticks.

Apart from the screaming calves, I’ve been enjoying that Arc Trainer thingy (thanks for your thoughts on that one, by the way) and enjoying long winter walks in the great outdoors (thanks Global Warming!).  I’m also celebrating the return of the kohlrabi to the vegie box delivery, and the mysterious disappearance of AN INCH from each hip, waist and bust in the past two weeks. HURRAH! My jeans are no longer strangling my internal organs! I call that progress.

30 thoughts on “Raising Hell

  1. Oooooh, calf raises! Ouch! I learned a gruesome variation wherein you point your toes in or out for a number of reps, just to hit the muscle in as many horrible ways as possible.

    Re Superbowl: a lot of us don’t get it either. Boooooring. It’s just an excuse to drink and eat.

  2. Owchies owchies owchies to calf raises – my personal trainer made me do those with a 20kg bar on the meat (mmmm… meat…) of my back (Body Pump stylez O_O), I was waddling around for days and my Mum continually cackled “LOLOLOLOL U LOOK LIKE AN OLD LADY KEKEKEKE ^^”

    And omg Superbowl. My brother is an American Football nut, though I struggle to stay patient with it since I find it so disjointed and un-free-flowing, unlike Rugby and Rugby League. I was listening to the sports radio (keeps me from singing loudly in the middle of the night, you see) and they were getting incredibly frustrated with the number of commercials – it felt like, 30 seconds of action, 4 minutes of commercials. :-/

    And yay to jeans not strangling internal organs! I have notice that before I could safely wedge my iPod between my flab and my shorts while doing work, though now said iPod has enough room to slide down past flab and end up around about my thighs, dangling through the bottom of the shorts. o_0 Progress? More like IRRITATING!

  3. Oh yeah. Prince totally rocked. I spent the last fifteen minutes before halftime jogging in place while I watched. Then did some serious boogie during the halftime show! So I got my workout and enjoyed football at the same time! Woohoo!

    And I just want you to know that because of you I’ve spent the last several days walking around saying “coupon” to myself with the described pronounciation.

  4. As someone who lives in America (but is not American), I have learned that Super Bowl Sunday is the BEST day to go the mall. You have the place to yourself. It’s lovely.

    As for Jonny and his crouching-toilet-praying-yoga pose – you still have to admit he’s hot, right?! So glad to have him back on the pitch!

  5. Canadian football is a tad bit better but, I don’t really watch either actually. I think it flows faster and isn’t so inundated with tacky commercials. πŸ™‚

    I hate being called granny, M always calls me that :S

  6. DG-
    Have read your page for months now and I am totally inspired by your story and motivated by your success! 11 pounds down, 54 to go for me! I have to agree that SuperBowl Sunday is the best day to go to the mall. Or the coffeeshop. What a miserable example of Americana…

    anna in denver

  7. Don’t worry, Jonny will get injured again quicksmart. Although probably too late for you in the 6 nations. Fine for us and the ABs in the World Cup, though.
    Watch the calf raises – my calves got bigger and I couldn’t fit my favourite boots!

  8. Yay for the amazing disappearing inches!! Go, you!

    I could have warned you about the calf raises. Oops. First time I did them, I too was crippled for DAYS. That is one BAD weight-training memory.


  9. Oh, and I’m with Vanessa – when the AFL grand final is on (yawn), I go shopping! I’m almost the only shopper there…the service is fab!

  10. I dont do any form of calf raises or any other excercises besides my running, that may make my already *giant rugby playing, mountaneering, cycling MAN* sized calves any bigger.

    I have put my weight sup in pump, but although i was struggling yesterday (well not too much) i dont feel anything today. obviously need to go up more on thursday. hmmmm

    well done on the inch loss!!! i have stayed at the same stupid weight and size for a month now. (freely admitting that this is my fault for eating junk) but at leats i know i can maintain weight eh. πŸ˜€

  11. I don’t approve of this modern new-fangled penalty kicking with a special widget to hold the ball in. What was wrong with digging a divot with your heal or (if ground too frozen) using a pint of sand?

  12. totally agree clarrie. be a MAN, kick a hole in the ground!!!

    cheers for your comments lovelies! i better get back to work!

  13. Super Bowl: I fell asleep right after the first touchdown and woke up part way thru the 2nd quarter – watched the half-time show and then changed the channel. Prince was quite good.
    Congrats on the cms lost – I’m sure your internals appreciate it.

  14. Yes, I’m from Indiana and Love, Love the fact that the Colts won and yes, the half time show was fantastic. Once you understand the way the game is played it makes a heck of a lot more enjoyable, trust me. I used to not like it because I didn’t understand it. Also, yea for you on the loss of the inches, unfortunately I think I”ve found them…please won’t somebody inspire me to get out in the butt numbing cold weather and get my booty moving? Keep up the good work girly!!!

  15. I so don’t understand American football.

    Calf raises are hell. I’ve always had muscular calves so figure I don’t need to do them… well that’s my excuse.

  16. the ridiculous commercials are the only reason to watch the superbowl. that and the fuss they make over nipples. it plucks at the heartstrings.

  17. I don’t care about the Superbowl either (and I never did like Prince)… I can watch college football all day (Yay Alabama, Roll Tide) but professional football is just a bunch of thugs making hella money and acting like jackasses! I can also watch Aussie rules football all day… those UNpadded guys are tough AND hot!

  18. The Superbowl is wierd – It’s usually a blowout game, so just from the perspective of football, it’s a bad game.

    Then, they make such a fuss over the commercials. There really are more of them than a normal game, since the network can charge so much for a Superbowl ad.

    But The Superbowl does open up lots of opportunities – malls, movie theaters, grocery stores.

  19. Hey dg, come down to Strathclyde Park next month and do a charity fun run with me, if you feel any urge to travel that far? Ladies only, which makes Neil happy because he hates running.

  20. :::sigh::: I miss the rugby…and I LOVE Jonny Wilkinson – so hot and so talented. I watched rugby for 2 years while I lived in London and I still don’t understand all of it. But it’s FAB to watch, and I love that they keep playing while they drag the injured guys off the field (pitch?).

    American football can be VERY entertaining, sadly the Superbowl usually isn’t. But the parties that go along with it are a good time.

  21. Ummm what is superbowl? ha ha ha. We play rugby here in New Zealand, and I don’t like that much either! Hope those lost inches don’t land on ME !

  22. Oh, you’ve cheered me up by this chortly post. I’ve just had a slight run-in with a surly teenage student and my feathers, previously a bit ruffled, are smoothed by your jolly post. Hope the calves recover soon.

  23. Oh, I love calf raises – but there are plenty of things that do the same to me. I’m still recovering from biking uphill on Monday, and before that my thighs were still twanging from digging the garden! Why can’t the muscles give you some warning that you’re pushing too hard?

  24. Rugby, grid-iron… it all washes over me, I’m afraid. Nothing beats AFL in my opinion! That is something I’m really going to miss – I’ll only be in Australia for the first three or so weeks of the season! I live for it!!!

    I think you could write “What I had for Breakfast” posts for the rest of your life and you’d still have throngs of adoring fans!! heh heh

    Hope everything’s going well xoxo

    PS: I would be kicking myself about Prince as well!

  25. congrats on the inches. love your “breezy” style πŸ™‚

    i’ve also done calf raises to the point of feeling as if my legs are filled with blood. it huuuuwwwwts and yet i go back for more. chubby legs be gone!

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