Full Bodied

Ooh things rather busy and stressful at the mo so will spare you the usual epic ramblings.

I’m having a full body massage on Friday! It’s my very first. Way back in 2001 I wrote a list called "Random list of things I wanna do when I’m smaller" and that was one of the things I put down.

I thought a spa day would be a fab Getting To Goal treat but then my sister scored a free night’s accommodation and half price treatments through her work if she could go in April. So I thought… goal schmoal, why the hell not?

I’m a little nervous about the whole caper. I haven’t been sleeping well and I’m wound up tighter than a Scotsman’s purse strings so I’m hoping I can relax enough for a massage. Ha ha.

Then Sandra was writing about massages recently and she had to strip off and wear paper undies! Lordy. What are you supposed to do in readiness for a stranger prodding your bod? Brush teeth, shave legs, landscape nether regions?

Anyway I’m sure it will be lovely. This is going to be a real test of just how comfortable I really am in my skin. It’s easy enough to be happy with clothes on but how will I feel in paper knickers? Anyone want to place bets on a Fat Girl FreakoutTM?

For the curious here is the infamous Random List I made back in 2001, with my current thoughts in italics.

  • run (done!)

  • get a tattoo (wtf? i really have no desire to do that)

  • wear dainty, strappy little shoes (currently would make me look like a drag queen with my pudgy ankles and feet) (still look ridiculous in dainty shoes. some things never change)

  • go on roller coasters (though I may fit in the seats now, not really interested. losing a few kilos doesn’t make you any less of a chicken πŸ™‚

  • walk up to a guy that catches my eye and say hello (done! no longer scared of boys! just in time to be married, d’oh!)

  • go swimming (done!)

  • get a full body massage (like i’d let anyone look at me right now!) (shall do on Friday!)

  • have proper photos taken of me (but no cheesy soft-focus glamour shots! cack!) (I reckon the Grazia shoot covers that)

  • learn to rollerblade (oooh still fancy trying this one)

  • get some sexy leather pants. rrrowr. (again i say, WTF? why did i think that was a good idea? was i going through another Doors phase in 2001? i am not Jim bloody Morrison and unless Gareth convinces me to go pillion on his motorcycle i shall never don leather dacks)

Six years later, the list makes me cringe a wee bit with it’s supreme dorkiness. But I’m happy that I’ve done so many of those things, and didn’t wait around to be skinny either.

39 thoughts on “Full Bodied

  1. Massages rock. I can’t believe you’ve never had one. I’d have one every day if I could but I’ve never had to wear paper knickers, just leave my regular knickers on and they work around them.

    One tip – wear something old, tracky dacks or something cos you will leave with oil on your skin.

    I want to go on a rollercoaster now πŸ™‚

  2. Shauny I’ve never had to wear paper undies. I’m sure she will work around whatever you wear and whatever makes you feel comfortable.

    You will love this experience, I’m sure of it.


  3. Hehe paper keks are awful. I only ever had to wear them for a spray tan, the massage didn’t require that, i just wore my own.

    Hope you don’t freak out matey, they really are lovely and relaxing – I fell asleep once and was a bit embarrased, but she kindly said it was a compliment to her skills


  4. I’ve never had to wear paper undies either!

    The day spa i go to has fabric wraps with velcro that you put around you (under your arms, goes down to your knees – depending on how tall you are I guess!) and you wear your undies underneath, and they also do a towel over you for modesty.

    The towel thing is pretty common though! And if she’s anything like some of the chicks I’ve encountered, she’s off in dreamland for most of the time anyway, and not paying attention to your wobbly bits πŸ™‚

    The first massage (or, the first in a long time), is awesome, and I guarantee if you relax you’ll be floaty when it’s done, and you won’t want to get off the table and come back to the real world!

  5. Shauna, enjoy your massage. I look forward to hearing all about it (does that make me sound a bit pervy?? If so, sorry!. I’ve used you as insperation & had my gym induction today…phew, first time in the torture chamber for 5 years!! Unfortunately, I then went to Burger King with Sine for lunch…oops! πŸ™

  6. Congrats on the to do list. I really need to make one of those. Not really just for when I’m thinner, but just so I actually get things done that I want to try.

    I’m also having a full body massage this week. I’m rather nervous. I have had a massage a massage before, but that was quite some time ago!

    Let me know how your massage goes!

  7. haha! Funny stuff! Look, the masseuse (sp?) doesn’t care what you look like and will most likely never see you again. Just enjoy it! It’s fabulous!

    Congrats on crossing so many things off your list!

  8. “and didn’t wait around to be skinny either.” Well by my standards, I think you’re skinny now. I’m about the same height, age, and shit I think we even have the same last name, but I weight more (199). I just wanted to say where you’re at is skinny!

    Oh, and you should really skip the rollerblading. If you like I’ll email you the pictures of when I bounced my face off the pavement and knocked myself out rollerblading.

  9. Erin, that sounds bloody painful!

    Btw I did a lot of the things on the list when i was a lot heavier than i am now πŸ™‚

    Moiraaaaa! Hellooo! πŸ™‚ Was that the gym at work? I’m pretty sure the walk over to BK is the equivalent calories of one burger.. hehe

    Thanks for your insight, you massage veterans! I will cross my finger for one of them towel thingies!

  10. Massages are the best! I scrimp on clothes so I can get at least one a month.

    As people have said, paper underwear would be probably less mentally comfortable than just wearing your own (that you don’t mind getting oil on).

    They keep you very well covered with the tucking in of sheets every time they expose a limb for the massage, honestly, you won’t be laying naked on a table. The most that will ever be bare at a time is your back (and then will cover you from bum down).

    To overshare, I actually feel less awkward naked under the sheet than I do in underwear, but that is just me (similar in how i feel much worse in a bathing suit than naked)

  11. Don’t be so hard on yourself – leather pants were all the rage in 2001!! (My sister-in-law even had a MATERNITY pair!!=)

    Betting you LOVE your massage and time w/your sis.

  12. I get what you mean MMc πŸ™‚ Especially since my undies are all so boring! Hehe.

    HTC – were they really!? i’m glad you said that coz i’m wondering six years later where the bloody hell i got the idea from. coz i really don’t have a thing for leather, honest guv…

  13. I’ve always had to get completely naked for my massages but they strategically drape a blanket around all of the bits you wouldn’t want them to see. (It’s really quite the art form.) I suppose they could work around your undies if you left them on, though.

  14. I love that list, but most of all I love that you actually got to do everything you wanted to. I laughed out loud about the leather pants though :-))) I do think you’d look good in them!

  15. Another massage veteran who did not have to remove my own underwear — here’s to cotton instead of paper! I think your list rocks and it’s fun to see what inspired you back when. I just learned of a new type of massage called “Thai Massage” where you don’t even get undressed; instead of rubbing, they stretch you out all over. So, that’s on my list now. Ummmmm, assisted stretches. Feels good just thinking about it.

  16. Ha! I used to think that massages were just a cruel joke played by skinny people on us meatier folks. I pictured them gathering monthly to snicker at the thought of us feeling perfectly alert and uncomfortable during our rubdowns waiting for the “relaxation” to start. But then I realized that there are a lot of completely unselfconsious people in the world. And no doubt there are sweaty, hairy, and dirty unselfconscious people, so surely what you think are your “flaws,” are nothing compared to what else your masseuse has likely been paid to touch πŸ™‚

  17. Yeah it hurt, and there’s nothing that screws up your workout routine like a concussion. That’s why we call it “Rollerblooding” now instead of rollerblading. I made 3 trips to the ER before my dad locked up my skates.

  18. My wee sister got a massage in India last year. She expected the whole towel and pants thing – but instead two women stripped her naked, pulled her spread eagled on a bench, and massaged everything they could get their hands on.

    She says she lay there, not knowing whether to giggle or shriek, as they pummelled a breast each.

    I’m just telling you that to be wicked, dg, Scottish massage is much more tame. I think you’d have to pay ‘extras’ for the nuddy version! And I do understand, I was really nervous the first time I went for one – but it was fabulous.

  19. You know, I’m actually quite reassured by some of the things you no longer want to do. I was beginning to think I was the last untattooed twentysomething in the Western World…

    But I think I’m too ticklish ever to have a massage. I hope you enjoy it, though!

  20. The paper panties is a new one…is that a European thing? Here in the States you can go completely nekkid if you’d like or just leave your own panties on and the masseuse will work around them. Having done it both ways, I highly recommend going bare. And I have plenty of wobbly bits of my own!

  21. My salon uses paper undies for tans and bikini waxes…. for massages it’s the velcro wrap thingie.

    Oh, and it’s lovely – all quiet and peaceful and relaxing. Enjoy it!

  22. mental note to self – NEVER EVER get an Indian massage!!!!!!

    And I am with the other girls, every thing is very covered for most of the time – it still feels funny to me when they do the tumnmy bit after hiding for so long, but you are a lot further along the skinny path than me so probably not!

  23. Remember to wear granny panties ie. not your g-string/thong if you’re going to bare your knickers if you don’t want to show too much !

  24. Hey Shauna! Will be joining the many people here and just say massages are fabulous. And do not worry, she won’t see your wobbly bits, she’ll probably be sunken in her own thoughts anyway for that hour while you just lay back and relax!!! Paper Knickers? Yes, have always had to wear them and personally i dont mind really, sure they look ridiculous but at least u dont get massage oil all over your undies…. Hope you’ll enjoy it! bye xxx

  25. I’ve only ever had sports massages and they HURT ow ow ow, and I have to remember to put on nanna undies..life is such a trial (clasps hand to forehead dramatically)
    Enjoy yourself !

  26. I appreciate how supportive you are of other bloggers. I see your comments here there and everywhere – and always appreciate that you stop by to see “me” too. I can’t imagine how long all this takes and how many blogs you must have on your reading list. Your kind words, time, and attention are truly appreciated by me – and I am guessing everyone else too.

  27. I STILL think that you need to publish your book. I went back – last year – and read your blog from the beginning – every word – and it was a delight. Well written, meaningful and very fun. There is definitely a book in there – maybe two.

  28. ahh vickie – cheers for your comment! i’ll write about this more in my next entry coz i’m on a train right now (yay wifi) but i do read a lot of blogs, keep track using Bloglines… i hope people don’t think i’m an annoying blogwhore but reading blogs is just a vital tool in my lardbusting toolbelt just as much as porridge or weight training. i read blogs with my morning cuppa and it;s a good reminder to keep going with the healthy stuff. plus i just like reading about other people’s lives πŸ™‚

    i just remember when i started out i felt like the only fat person in the world so i’ve never forgotten how good it felt to get the first comment (well, guestbook entry back in 2001) that someone was out there and listening… so i try to reciprocate. good karma and all that πŸ˜‰

  29. Rollerblading is great fun and fantastic exercise – really works the inner thigh and the buttocks, which most of us are particularly pleased about!

    But DO buy/rent all the necessary protections (wrist, elbow, knee) or you will regret it. Find a bit of flat ground and a friend or two and you’ll have a blast!

  30. LOVED your Mrs Frumpypants picture. I chortled out loud in the staff room at work. Actually, I used to wear garments such as you mention way back in the old days and I thought at the time that they were quite flattering. (I mean the smocks, you understand, not the paper pants.)

    I do admire your enthusiasm for new experiences. Do them now, yes, before you become a mummy (I can sense vague broodinesses in your writing). Re your kind comment on my blog – that thing about one’s children not remembering their childhood, by the way: this could be good, if they also don’t remember that time that their dear mother’s patience ran a little dry…

  31. Oh darling, you are a dork but an extremely loveable one at that. He he. I have tattoos, have had a massage, have never tried rollerblading but would love to and have always had a dream of wearing black leather pants!! I know why too. There was this gorgeous chic when I was a teenager that used to hang around on the fringes of our social circle at high school. She was a real stunner and one night at a party she turned up wearing black leather pants and a tightly fitted dark blue tiedyed t-shirt (sounds naff but was lovely) and all the boys oggled her all night and I always thought, I WANT TO LOOK LIKE HER!! Nowadays, even where I am, I love who I am and I love the fact that the only time I’d put on black leather pants would be for a dress up party!! Enjoy your massage, it will be divine!!

  32. Don’t stress, pumpkinpop. If you’re worried about your bod – which after your stellar efforts must be toned like a tuning fork! – just think about all the people that get massages NOT worrying. Hairy backs, shagpile bikini lines, Worzel Gummidge-like sproutings… Spa employees would’ve seen it all. I got so angsty and overprepared the first time I had a massage, you’d think I was going on a hot hot date.


    Oh, and you’ll probably just wear your undies and they’ll strategically put towels over you to keep you modest. Anyway, they’re very good at explaining these things, and I think everyone feels like an awkward dork when getting a massage.

    BTW: Keep Calm and Carry On is everywhere nowadays. Even teatowels! See linkola:


  33. Cool! You won’t need paper undies. For a ‘normal’ full body they will cover you with towels and just uncover each part of the body they work on as they go. I’ve had a couple of those and they’re great.

    I had to wear paper undies because she was slathering on firming body products. The last time I had to wear paper undies (but they didn’t fit! so I had to wear my own anyway) was for an envelopment treatment.

    Anyway – enjoy! It’s always a bit nerve-wracking because you know someones touching all your fleshy bits BUT you have to remember that they aren’t thinking about anything except their technique – and fleshy bodies are easier to massage than bony ones. That’s what I tell myself anyway…

  34. Hope you manage to enjoy your massage after all this time.

    If you can relax and the person is good, you’ll have such a fabby time. Good massages are totally addictive but I think it’s a good addiction to have!

    Just think of all your hard work…this is another reward and you’ve thoroughly earned it.


    Mrs Lard xxx

  35. Hope massage was good. Now that I finally got my act together and found someone who can give a massage at home, I try to have one about once a month, and so does my husband and my nine-year-old daughter! My masseuse says that a massage is like a mini-workout for your muscles, what are you waiting for? Hope massage was great (I must admit it took me a few massages before I could relax…)

  36. Hi Shauna!

    YUM.. does a massage sound good right now or what? Although seeing as the weather is getting a wee bit chilly, I think I’ll wait until summer.

    Your list is great, I remember reading wayyyy back through your achives and seeing that post. Rollerblading is something I’d LOVE to do – provided I’m in a place where the less people see me fall, the better! πŸ˜‰

    Hope you enjoyed your resort stay. And for the record, am sure you’ll look smashing in leather pants, hee.

    @ Typepad & WordPress

  37. I got a massage once, and I was able to wear my own undies. Maybe they’ll let you. Be warned, though, I did fall asleep a little!

    I think I’m going to make a list like you did, and then in 6 years I’ll read it and laugh at how stupid I am now.

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