I overheard two ladies having a chinwag outside the post office. One tall and thin with blue mascara and St Tropez tan, the other short and festively plump.
TALL: And how are you getting on with your wee diet?
SHORT: [beaming] I lost a pound this week!
TALL: I only lost a pound this week, too.
SHORT: … *
TALL: Then again, I’m already six pounds under my goal weight.
(* where … equals the sound of a soul being destroyed right before your very eyes. Honestly, I’d take six pounds over an OompaLoompa complexion any day.)