Hell on wheels

Every now and then it rains in Scotland (cover your ears while the Obvious Siren goes off) so I do indoor spinning workouts instead.

Gareth is a big fan of these downloadable workouts called The Sufferfest. Cyclists really seem to love the word suffer. You hear it on the Tour de France all the time, "so and so really suffered on the Alpe du Humungous today". Which is fair enough, coz those Alps are bloody gigantic. Anyway, there seems to a big market for suffering in the comfort of your own home. Sufferfest titles of torture include: Downward Spiral, Fight Club and The Hunted. I can only manage twenty minutes of Revolver ("best for masochists" according to the workout comparison chart) so have parked the Suffering for now.

Instead I'm going with Coach Troy of the Spinverals series. He looks scary on the DVD title (see below) but in the workout he's a really wholesome and All-American "great job" kinda guy. Which means I don't swear at him too much as he fries my legs.

Spinervals titles include: Enter The Red Zone, Lean and Mean and THE PAIN CAVE.

I have not dared venture into that cave as yet. I mostly stick to Sweating Buckets, which is pretty much the wussiest one. The workout takes place in a room full of Real People. They're not all made up professionally like people in Jillian Michaels or Cathe DVDs, which makes it worse somehow. At least when there's chicks with perfect hair, teeth and abdominals, there's an air of Unobtainium about the workout so you're not bothered if you can't keep up. But with Sweating Buckets, you're working with the likes of this woman, who's real name escapes me but I call her Granny, coz Coach Troy mentions she's a grandmother of 6. Overachiever!

This next guy does Iron Mans (Iron Men?) so I don't worry about him. He's outta my league.

This guy below is my favorite because he Suffers in a melodramatic fashion. He loves to mop his forehead and shake his head ruefully between intervals.

Next up is The Judge. I can't remember his real name but he's a retired judge so we call him The Judge. Gareth likes to wander in when I'm pedalling away and ask, "Are you beating The Judge? You HAVE to beat The Judge! Take him down!".

Alas, I cannot keep up with The Judge. Beneath his kind, grandfatherly features lurks the mind and legs of a competitor.

Really love this guy.

Sweating Buckets was made in 2001 so I often wonder Where Are They Now? I hope The Judge is alive and well and still outpedalling the youths.

15 thoughts on “Hell on wheels

  1. LOL. Loved reading your review of the dvds.
    I’m wary of anything that has the word “suffer” in it. Call me a wussy, but I’d rather do the “Fluffy bunnies and rainbows and you can totally do this” workout.

  2. Hehe, I know these people like my own family! I have Enter the Red Zone too, and that’s weird. There’s about 12 women, in variations of the same turquoise top, in some room that looks like a nightclub with the lights on. I spend the whole time checking out the differences between their tops, it’s mesmerising.

  3. I was suffering with Jillian today and her beautiful people with amazing abs. Love the “Alpe du Humungous” and I think Mr. Iron Man is a hottie, he might get me to suffer a little.
    Hope you are fab.

  4. OMG that sounds ALMOST awesome enough to have a go at. I just watch other people doing triathlons while I spin away (clearly in a lame disorganised fashion:P)

  5. Ah, Coach Troy…or as I affectionately call him, through gritted teeth: “You motherf###er!”

    Enter the Red Zone is one of my faves. I have no idea why, because those isometric squats are KILLERS. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve also been too chicken to try The Pain Cave – and my friend Bonnie is IN it! One of these days…

  6. Hee, hee, hee, I was sniggering all the way through your ‘review’. I used to really love spinning. Alas, I’m way to competitive (who knew!?) and did way to much way to soon and botched my knee. I miss sweating like a maniac. Yes running makes me sweat too but it’s SO satisfying seeing that puddle of sweat on the floor… Aaah memories.

  7. Yeah, get into the Pain Cave and ride with the Bon of Doom! I love riding “with” Bonnie πŸ™‚ Having a friend in there with you makes it so much more fun.

    I DO still swear at Coach Troy all the time though….

  8. DVD workouts always drive me crazy eventually. No matter how professional or smooth, at some point I begin to scream when I hear them say that one stupid phrase again or make that same stumble in the routine again (as if they’re going to change it!). So my physical suffering is topped by mental anguish as well.

  9. Hi Shauna-
    David from the Sufferfest mentioned you in his blog so I thought I’d check your blog out!
    First- 175lbs- wow. That takes determination! I’m in awe.
    I know the Sweating Buckets DVD too, and love Mr Melodramatic too. BUT, when it gets boring and the coach’s music starts to kill you, please come back to the Sufferfest. It really is better over here πŸ™‚ Nothing like cycling with all those pro-dudes and their *ahem* tight ends..
    Keep it up girl! πŸ™‚
    -Jenn in Canada

  10. Wow! I cycled into town and back this week. Thats 4 miles there, and 4 miles back. There is a massive mountain (My husband disagrees with me as to the size of what he calls a small incline) on the way. by the top of it I am panting, and sweating and dying and I need to coast down the other side to recover. So CONGRATULATIONS to you for doing the sweating buckets workout! I stand in awe! xx

  11. I love this post, I should do one for the Zumba vids I use. There is true hip-wiggle competition going on there. It’s kind of all about who managed to sex it up the most.

    I wanted to comment on the spiral of doom. I don’t get that really in blogging, but in my head HELL YES and it is the same thing; how the f**k can I POSSIBLY still be in this regain-reloss cycle ?? why? why me? how? and now this one ‘how come my sister has two babies, ballooned to the size of a caravan for each one and yet managed to be skinnier than ever by the time each was three months old ,without so much as writing down consumption of a cheese toastie and full-fat latte?’

    Sigh..While she was bigger I secretly thought she might get some insight into what it’s like to have a bit of extra flab, but nah, she just bought bigger clothes and never had a moments doubt that it would all just melt off again. IT’S NOT FAIR.

    And you know this regain I’m talking about? It’s two freaking kg’s. On, off, on, off. I’m pretty much at the point of deciding it’s just going to be like this forever and that stressing over it is doing me more harm than just accepting I may never be 20% bodyfat again.

    Rant over. You rock, whatever your size.

  12. I am so proud of you, Shauna, as I wouldn’t even put the suffering DVD in the machine, much less attempt it. When I trained indoors for my diabetes ride event, I just spun away mindlessly with nothing and no one there to make me go faster. I did mess with the resistance at random times just so to keep the interval/hill thing going, but that was about it.

    Will you have Gareth take a pic once you’re able to go back outside?

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