The Mothership has returned to her native planet and I'm feeling a little bereft. I miss our walks and long chats and her rosy pink cheeks after a half pint of Gareth's home-brewed stout. Sniff.

Last week I was suffering from total Ego DOMS, as contracted at Pilates class. We were doing stability ball bridges. Our instructor had us try a variation with no hands on the floor:

Stability ball bridge

Credit: 101 Exercises

I immediately lost my balance and plonked to the ground. Ego damaged, I desperately wanted to show her that I could do it and wasn't a useless fatty*. So I got into bridge again, found my abs and got dead stable. I never knew I could be so strong and still… the hamstrings and abs were singing! I counted 2.5 minutes and the instructor was still down the front of the room assisting someone. Then she said "Okay, let's move on!" and I got all huffy as she'd not witnessed my amazing balancing glory! Then I just cracked up laughing at the ridiculous need for approval. I paid for it with three days of mega DOMS of the abs where laughter felt like being stabbed.

* One side-effect of regained poundage has been the occasional return of paranoia that instructors will think larger = rubbish. But at least these days when that kind of defensiveness pops up, I can observe it in a bemused I see what're you doing there kind of way, then move on. And channel it into a good abdominal workout!

18 thoughts on “Ego DOMS

  1. I am cracking up (w/out the ab pain) reading this. I have not done pilates, I’ve done lots of other sweating shit, but haven’t hit that one yet. I do believe it is FEAR.
    So glad you and the m.ship had a nice visit. I don’t have nice visits w/ mine, they are stress stress stress.
    I miss you, Missy.

  2. Love your writing style – AND your determination! I’m not working out for as much for weight loss as I am to stay in shape (or truth be told, GET in shape) which at 64 isn’t as easy as it once was. We all have our issues, don’t we? I guess I am a Mothership too! That won’t keep me from reading your blog! πŸ™‚

  3. I have a note that a special day is just around the corner for you. but now I am not sure I have the date right – tomorrow (11/1)?

  4. Obesity is hell on self esteem. I still don’t have any, and I hit a healthy BMI a few months ago. I still feel like less of a person, cause inside I still think like that fat woman I was for 30 years. I’m glad you’re smart enough to see through it and talk yourself out of feeling that way. Wish I was.

  5. I can relate to that feeling of wanting to ‘please’ the instructor and have done a similar a thing many-a-time myself.

    I could also relate to that fear that you will be judged as less athletic or capable (in a physical sense) because you aren’t the thinnest participant in the room.

    Years ago I’d lost some weight and still had a long way to go… but was getting quite fit as I was exercising a lot. Each week I did a couple of boxing classes and my technique was pretty good – and yet each week the instructor put me with any newcomer that turned up, based on the assumption (I can only think) that because I looked less fit, I wasn’t as coordinated etc. It infuriated me because he never took the time to see that I knew what I was doing.

  6. (insert long comment here about my experiences in a group situation fearing the instructor would think stuff about me because I wasnt one of them. now Im a paranoid sort and still think thats what she thought. I just decided I didnt care)

  7. Oh boy! I can totally relate to that whole “being a bit fat = being a little bit shit” mentality. I know I am a capable woman who is great at many things but I still have paranoia about instructors thinking that about me.

    Also extremely self conscious about being a fat personal trainer (almost!).

    Good on you for your mountain goat-like stability! Hopefully your instructor is a reader of DG & finds out about your incredible moves.

  8. I can so relate to wanting to show your trainer that you can do it! πŸ™‚ I really laughed, this could so have been me!

    Happy birthday yesterday!! I hope you had a wonderful day!

  9. That was so fabulous to read. I am training myself to stop thinking larger=rubbish, and it’s helping me improve my fitness as well as my self esteem.

    So, I say stuff ’em all!

  10. Hi! Just finished reading your book. Loved it! So inspiring and honest and awesome – like how going to Scotland totally changed your life. While I only have a little bit of weight to lose, I totally identified with the constant self-esteem struggles. Thanks for your example and writing!

  11. You know, I don’t think the insane need for approval (from total strangers half the time) ever goes away. The ability to recognise ridiculous thoughts and ignore them is a HUGE achievement though – at least as impressive as a 2.5 minute bridge. πŸ˜‰

  12. I know exactly how you feel in this situstion. I am a dancer and whenever I am in class I am always trying to prove to my teacher that I can improve and get better. When I don’t succeed at a certain step or movement I get pissed off at myself and push myself to do it right with or without the teacher even being aware. Pushing myself is what makes me improve in my dancing and become a stronger individual.

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