Are You Ready For My Jelly?

Sometimes I feel I should write a new entry, it’s usually on a Wednesday or Thursday. But it seems every time I write such an entry and crap on about how good I’m feeling and how I KNOW I’m going to lose on Monday, Monday rolls around and then I gain. And then I get upset about the gain and I feel to disappointed to write. But if I don’t write in here at all, I miss the support and feedback from you guys and I end up gaining.

Hmmm.

Anyway, I had a good week last week, I got back on track with my eating. I did three Pump classes. I LOVE the Pump classes! It’s been about five weeks now and I am sprouting muscle like you wouldn’t believe. It’s hard to see under the fat, but baby, you can FEEL IT! Oh I love it. My quads (front of thigh) are so hard. Hee hee. I made my flatmate feel them. Feel my legs! Feeeeeeeeeeeeel them! And my arms! Phwoar! There’s so much muscle there now. What a pity about the flab covering them, eh?

Anyway, I love the weights. It’s so fun! So so so good! I love it. It’s easy to push yourself in a Pump class, because all you have to do is add more weight to your bar. First class I could only use the smallest weight (1.25kg on each side = 2.5 kg all up) but now I am squatting with 10 kilos and my other weights have gone up too. LOVE IT! Love it love it. It can only get better, baby! More weights. More more more. Of course, the secret is good form, so I only increase the weight when I am confident that I am doing the exercises properly.

To show how addicted I am: Monday night I do Pump at 6.30. This means I have to Weigh And Run at WW. It doesn’t give me much time. So I weighed and ran and arrived at the gym at 6.25pm. And there were NO WEIGHTS LEFT! Despite us booking our place in the class and everything. Even if there HAD been weights there would have been no room on the floor. There must have been 35 bloody people jammed into that room. And we were #4 and #5 on the list! I was so angry! They shouldn’t overbook like that. All we could do was leave. The gym floor was too crowded to work out there, too. So I had to storm home. I was so pissed off! I had been looking forward to the workout all bloody day long. Wah. I felt all ansty and cranky for the whole night. I guess I am addicted to the rush of exercise. Who would have thought that fat ol ME would love exercise? Amazing.

Anyway. I gained 0.1 kg at WW. That is like 0.05 lb. Pah! I should have gone to the bathroom before class! I was positive I’d had a good loss, I felt smaller, but then we had a big lunch at work, whereas I normally eat very light on Mondays. So of course I was all thunderously cranky after that. I felt like never coming back to WW. Seriously, what is the point? I am building muscle like a mofo so the scales are not my friend. I need to focus on the other things I’m doing well.

Hmm what else? I am still hooked on Body Combat. Pow! Great stress release. I also even tried a new class called Body Jam, which is basically dancing! You do hip hip songs and latin and R&B, it’s SO much fun. I was absolutely TERRIBLE at it. My legs kept getting all tangled up, it was such a fast pace, and the moves so complicated! I’d never sweated so much in my whole life! But I didn’t care, I kept going. It was a lot of fun. How could you go wrong with a class where you get to shake your ass to Destiny’s Child singing Bootylicious?

I am telling you people, exercise is GOLD. Exercise is amazing for your body. Your body will love you for it. In January, I could not walk ONE BLOCK without stopping and clutching my chest and feeling like I would cry from exhaustion. I was in serious trouble. But now! Man! I can’t get enough exercise! It makes me feel good! WW meetings can not give me that kind of motivation and inspiration.

The key is finding an activity you like. People told me that when I started, but I said "I don’t like any activity!". But that was a cop-out. You have to work to find it! Try different things. I’ve tried walking, I’ve tried gym workouts (treadmill, bike etc), I’ve done swimming and now classes at the gym. And FINALLY I worked out that the classes are what works best for me. I just turn up there 4-5 times a week, and for a good solid hour I work out, and I am told what to do, I am pushed, I am not allowed to stop. I don’t have to think for myself. I can’t make excuses. And you know what else? There’s MUSIC! I listen to music all the time at work to get me through the day, so why not apply that to exercise? I find it easy to exercise when I can move my butt to the beat.

So I finally worked out what works for me. It took about 10 months of trying to work it out. You could probably do it sooner. But hey, I am big fat slug and I’m slow 😛 So there. But I urge you, stop fretting over the scale and MOVE YOUR BUTT 🙂

Finally, I love you lovely chickens who wrote/guestbooked over the past month when I’ve been in a very bad sad depressed way. You lifted my spirit so much and while I still have a few more emails to write, I have nearly replied to everyone. You have no idea how much of a reality check you collectively gave me. It really means a lot. THANKYOU so much.

Well, my fitball class is on soon so I better go. Cheers!

Fat Free Frying

First things first. Was reading a journal today and saw this "Lunch: taco salad w/ 1 c FF refried beans".

How the hell can you have fat free re-fried beans? Even if these beans are not actually fried, what the hell addivtives, chemicals, whatevers, must be in there to make it seem like they're regular ol' refried beans?

Freaky.

The Open Diary is a place on the net I once spent a lot of time at before the chronic angst of the place got me down. They have things called "Diary Circles," which is a basically a big catalogue of dysfunction and all the various freaks flock together.

One of the circles is called the Fitness And Weight Loss Circle, with dozens of diaries from dieters all over the planet. Here's a few excerpts of their sparkling prose:

"Temptation everywhere – I am but flesh – battling on, there is no end only standing still or creeping forward."  (oh for crying out loud!)

"What is this diet? Ill try anything! E-mail me at Devilbaby4u@hotmail.com! I am trying to loose weight so i can get back to school but nothin is working for me! I need to loose it fast! PLEASE E-MAIL ME!"

"I ate a bag of jelly beans. By the way, are jelly beans packed with calories?? I'm pretty sure they're fat free… but they must be full of sugar!"

"Now there is dieting..I set here and think is this really for me…OR is it just to please others??? I want to be beautiful and I want to be thin…but what to I have to sacrifice to get there?"

Is it just me or do all these just smack of desperation, drama and denial? (Oh gosh, I love alliteration) Every entry I read, they all talk about their struggle with the evil chocolate bars, the perils of exercise, the hardhips of drinking water, the mind-frying mathematics of calorie counting, and which fad diet should we try today? They make it sound oh so difficult that you'd think they were actually trying to hike up Mount Everest. With no shoes on. Blindfolded. With Sherpas flogging them with icepicks as they went.

Here's the poop: it's not like climbing a mountain. The more I progress with my own weight loss caper, the more I realise how simple it is. The more I realise there is no need to think your way into a monumentous unattainable task.

Back in primary school we had a class called Health. They got out the Healthy Food Pyramid. Eat lots of fruit and vegies and grains, it said, go easy on the other stuff. Moderation is the key. Then get outside and run round and get some exercise.

Then you get older and you start reading Cosmopolitan and feel inadequate or you buy some Diet Coke or your mother drags you to Weight Watchers and suddenly it's all become very complicated! There's calories and points and weight/height charts and special shakes and self-esteem issues.

We make weight such a big drama. We make it all seem so difficult. We turn it into a struggle of epic proportions. We get all depressed and overwhelmed. We end up getting fatter than ever. Please don't spank me and call me an anti-feminist or whatnot, but I do think this can be a partucular problem for women. We're emotional and have a habit of letting things build up in our minds til the issue is stretched out of proportion. Whereas the men I know that have lost weight, they seem to just flip a switch in their mind and start doing healthy things, like cutting out junk food or doing some exercise. Just like that. Without the need for classes or pills or whatnot. Why do you think that is?

This could be just a DIETGIRL thing, rather than a universal thing, so don't shoot me down in flames. I am just speaking from my own experience and the experience of overweight women I have known. I know I've had Issues™ with food, some crippling depression and emotional problems, blah blah blah, but that's another entry altogether. Let me tell you though, those Issues™ seem to vanish if you can just make yourself sit up and realise HOW SIMPLE IT REALLY IS.

Make your mind go back to kindergarten. Toss all the complications out of your mind. Strip away all your excuses. Then what's left is this ka-ching! moment when you realise  it's really quite easy to lose weight. You knew all along, but it's not so easy to admit how simple it really is. You don't need to pay for classes or special food. You just need to stop buying the crappy food, make healthy choices, and get out and shake your booty! Just like your Health teacher told you all those years ago!

Except she may not have used the word booty.

Granted, I do go to Weight Watchers, yes. But I don't stay back for the meetings and I very rarely count points. I go there because at 350lb, I was way too big for the scales at home. Plus I like the Monday weigh-in, I need the regular feedback. That's it. I credit my loss so far to my hard work, rather than the WW program.

So all I have to say is, keep it simple, stupid. Has freaking over calories and popping pills ever brought you anything but misery and more porkage? If not, good for you, but if so, why not try the simple mode and see how you go. Stop looking for complications where there just aren't any.

The Plan

I am just overflowing with optimism and groovy feelings today 🙂

My weigh-in was last night. Another kilogram (2.2 lb) gone! Huzzah! Just four pounds to go until they take off that pesky extra weight from the scales and I can be a "normal" fat person instead of The Freaky Lard Arse. I am determined to bust those 4 pounds off in the next couple of weeks.

So determined, may I add, that I woke up early this morning and took the dog for a half hour walk. It's a very brisk walk coz the mutt insists on charging ahead and pulling hard on the leash. But it was a lovely morning, and I had so much more energy than when I try and exercise after a long day at work. It felt fantastic. I am definitely going to get up and do that again tomorrow.

(Did you note this time I said I am going to do it, as opposed to my usual vague I'll try and do it statements? Groovy! I've got the eating thing worked out, you see, I just need to get the exercise thing happening)

. . .

Anyway, last time I mentioned that I wanted to write about why It's Happening this time and why it didn't last time(s). I've puzzled over this for awhile now. I don't know how many times I would staunchly declare that This Time I Will Do It and then I never did it. I have started Weight Watchers no less than five times, the first of which was when I was just ten years old (that's another story in itself), and each time I lost a bit then gave up because I didn't keep losing.

Why didn't I keep losing? Because I wasn't eating properly. Most of the time, I didn't eat enough. I didn't exercise much. I wasn't motivated. My heart wasn't in it.

I used to think that one day I would wake up and BANG, all this motivation would have suddenly wormed its way into by magic. But it never happened. I knew all along what I had to go to lose weight, I just didn't make the effort to do it. I really think the one thing that has made the difference this time is the PLAN.

Yeah baby, The Plan! Have you heard that old saying, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail"? I never had a plan before. I'd go to the WW meeting every week and pay the money, get weighed, skip the lecture and go home. Then I'd expect the weight to somehow drop off when I didn't plan my meals, I didn't buy the right foods, I didn't keep track of what I ate, and I didn't have goals, just this vague desire for my lard to drop off me.

But now, I know what I want! I want to weigh 69 kilograms. I want to get as much of that off before my 25th birthday (November 2002). I want to be healthy, I don't want to feel like I will die from climbing a short flight of stairs, I want to like myself, I want to wear foxy clothes.

I want, I want, I want! Such a demanding wench I am! But unlike my previous attempts, now I know that I DESERVE all this stuff. I KNOW that inside I am a happy, energetic, fun kinda girl that right now is just wearing a very heavy FAT SUIT. Before I always had this feeling in the back of my mind that I wasn't going to succeed. That I was doomed to screw up again and was bound to end up in front of the television with a family block of chocolate again. The first step for me was to convince myself that I am worth it, just like Heather Locklear on a L'Oreal commerical. I'm worth it! *tosses hair around*

So with that belief in mind, then it's time for specifics, for the nuts and bolts of The Plan. Joining WW works for me. I like a bit of ritual and routine in my life. I do not have the self-discipline and drive to keep going on my own. Now that I know Monday night I have to get on the scale, I'm less inclined to be a pork. I want to see that scale go down. I want to see the meeting staff cheering for me. I want that euphoric feeling. And goddamn, I want the leader to give me a gold star to stick on my forehead!

Another important part of The Plan for me has been Sisterly Support. My sister only has a few kilos to lose, but she joined WW with me. She gave me a cuddle when I cried after the first meeting. We do the food shopping, go to the gym, walk the dog, try new recipies, together together together! Just have a look at your life and you're bound to find someone that can be a great support.

I think the most concrete part of The Plan has been the Food Planning. Before, we'd never have anything too healthy in the house. We'd forget to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner, so we'd go get McDonalds or similar slop. I'd skip breakfast, then eat something rotten and fatty for lunch. Then when at home I'd just scoff things randomly, regardless of if I was hungry or not.

It's as simple as this: if the bad food is not in the house, I can't eat it, can I? So now there's bazillions of yummy healthy alternatives. And we always know what we're having for dinner, because we plan our week before we do the grocery shop. Sounds too rigid and planned for some, but for us it works because it removes that element of panic and confusion and the "whatthefuckarewegonnahavefordinner" thing.

It works for us, is all I can say. I really think the key is firstly, be kind to yourself and realise you deserve to be happy and healthy. Accept that you have good days, and rotten hate yourself days, you may have a truckload of weight to lose, but just always remember that it is worth it. Then once you've got your attitude sorted, look at what habits got you where you are, and work out a plan to change it. It doesn't matter how wacky or unconventional it is. Just make it suit your life. If it means eating salad sandwiches for breakfast (as i do) or walking up and down your stairs 50 times for exercise (as i do) (although 50 times is a great exagerration), JUST BLOODY DO IT.

All that crap is what's made the difference for me this time. I know I haven't lost much yet, but I am damn proud of the changes I've made and I will keep it up.

. . .

There is a guy here at work complaining that my BBQ Rice Crackers smell too much. Sure they're spicy and fragrant, but they're only one point for ten of them, so he can just bite me!