Things I Have Learned.
A couple of years ago my Mum flew to Scotland for a visit. One minute she was chatting away, perched on on my sisters bed, then the next her head slumped forward, snoring softly as the jetlag took hold. About an hour later, she sat bolt upright, shook her head and opened her eyes and announced, “Things I have learned!”.
She proceeded to spout some great philosophical tidbit, which I wish I could remember, then immediately fell asleep again. Bizarre!
Before I fall asleep myself after this marathon week, I’ll mention a few Things I Have Learned while busting the lard.
Disclaimer: This is not smug lecturing or advice or a dietary Sermon on the Mount. It’s just a wee list of lessons learned over the last five years. And so many of em took almost all that time to learn. I’m a bit slow.
- Laugh at yourself. Especially when you screw things up!
- Don’t compare your progress to other bloggers, instead be inspired by them.
- Try to reduce the self-loathing. I’m not saying you have to look in the mirror and chant, “YOU ARE A WINNER!”, but it really doesn’t help your weight loss to stand around yelling at your thighs.
- Remember that the weight loss industry exists to make money, whether it’s Weight Watchers or Slimming Magazine or the CSIRO or Dr Gillian McKeith. Even though they all help in their own ways, they don’t have all the answers and they really want you to buy the Choco Crisp Bars or send away for the Pilates DVD. Take bits and pieces from what they tell you and clobber it together to make your own way of doing things. Don’t let anything be a substitute for thinking for yourself.
- Don’t put things off until you Get Skinny. Try something crazy and new. If you fail, just don’t blog about it!
- Deal with The Past.
- Look at the Big Picture or look at the Little Picture. Whichever is easiest to stomach at the time!
- Don’t disappear up your own arse. Losing weight seems to bring a lot of introspection and lightbulb moments, but don’t let this journey take over your life.
- Accept that you are moody, inconsistent and full of contradictions. What worked for you yesterday may shit you to tears tomorrow, and for no reasonable reason!
- Never eat lentils before you do squats or lunges.
- Just because you think everything is about your weight, don’t assume everyone else sees it that way. Often other people are much better at seeing past your fat than you are.
- Just because you lose weight doesn’t mean your old fears and problems will disappear. Example: If you were scared of rollercoasters when you were 350lb you may still shit your pants at the thought of them 160 pounds later!
- Total Greek Yogurt is the best thing to come out of Greece since Plato.
- Things won’t change overnight. It takes time, trial and error to forge a healthy lifestyle and figure out what works for you. The difficulty of this task increases by tenfold increments depending on how many times per week you used to visit McDonalds Drive Thru.
- Don’t let the fear of loose skin, belly rolls or flabby arms stop you. Do you think Oprah worried about her bingo wings? No. She just flap-flap-flapped and flew away to world domination!
- If you’re still worried about your flabby arms, move to Scotland. You can get away with long sleeves for about 364 days a year.
- Even when you royally screw up — over and over and over again — you can pick yourself up again. As long you never stop believing you will get there in the end.