Two stupid minor injuries in the name of health and wellbeing this week. Firstly, I bit into an apple yesterday. Since spatial reasoning has never been my forte the bite was much wider than it needed to be. Instead of sinking into the fruit, that really pointy tooth sank straight into the side of my tongue. Now I’ve got a centimetre-wide flappy bit of broken tongue, all swollen and painful.

And then tonight we went to the forest for some off-road cycling action and I forgot to wear my padded shorts underneath my trousers. D’oh! After 90 minutes of pelting over rocks and puddles and big fat tree roots, I am feeling rather tender in the lady parts.

The first half hour of these bike rides always seems to suck. My legs just don’t work properly and it’s too haaard and I just want to go home because I just don’t think I can doooo this today. But when it’s done and I’m wiping mud off my bike with a handful of grass before loading it back into the car, that’s all completely forgotten.

"Sorry I was such a whingy git earlier," I said to Gareth after a recent ride, "It always feels like I’m not going to make it."

"That’s alright," he smiled, "I don’t listen to you anyway!"

. . .

In other exciting news, I had another culinary first last weekend – a fresh fig!

Somehow figs had passed me by until now. Once as a child I waited in the car feeling completely mortified as a certain member of my family climbed over a fence of a former WWII prison camp site with a plastic bucket, then raided the fig trees in order to feed their homemade fig jam habit. The jam was always a weird browny greeny colour and freaked me out. The fruit itself looked a bit creepy too.

So when my friend served them up for dessert the other day I wrinkled up my nose. Well I wrinkled it up inside my mind, because it would have been rude to wrinkle it for real! But these figs had briefly been in the oven alongside some fresh peaches so they were warm and syrupy. Then they were dolloped with vanilla creme fraiche. PHWOAR! It was difficult not to moan with all that juicy soft but crunchy goodness… I waited nearly 30 years for this? All week long I’ve been thinking fig fig fig, I gotta get me some more figs.

That is one of the greatest pleasures in life, I reckon. The moment of surprise when you taste something amazing that you’ve never tasted before. And knowing there’s still a million other untasted things out there all shiny and new. Noice.

Bon weekend, lovelies!

33 thoughts on “Tenderised

  1. Hope your tongue heals quickly!

    I have never had a fresh fig – just dried and in cookie form. Your description makes me want to find some.

  2. Hi Shauna, I’m a long time lurker…I love both your blogs. Anyway, I am finally compelled to comment – fresh figs are amazing. I highly recommend the “Easiest sexiest salad in the world” recipe from Jamie Oliver’s Happy Days book (or online). I promise, you will not be sorry!

  3. I can’t believe it took me so long to find your brilliant blog. Addictive, spit-out-my-tea-all-over-the-couch funny & very very inspirational. Made me walk 50 km last week, just because. <3 <3

  4. Hey Shauna –

    I’ve been lurking for a long time but I think this is my first comment here.

    You are such an inspiration. I wanted you to know that I’m putting figs and ox tail soup (PQ’s recommendation) on my shopping list. Have you been licking the produce section of the supermarket as well? I’m sure you have all sorts of different varieties of fruits and veggies there that we don’t often see here in the states.

    I really enjoy your witty posts and hope to be as successful at losing the extra pounds as you have been.

    Have a great weekend!

  5. “That’s alright,” he smiled, “I don’t listen to you anyway!”

    Pure gold, Shauna. Thanks for both your funny blogs. They brighten my day!

  6. I love fresh figs but never fancied fig jam. However, recently I (foolishly) thought I’d stop buying marmalade because I just eat way too much of it when we have it.

    However I then discovered the jar of mother-in-laws homemade fig jam in the pantry.

    Let’s just say it quickly replaced marmalade as the conserve du jour and there’s not much of it left – and one day I ate fresh bread and fig jam for 2 out of 3 meals. Sigh.

  7. Figs…. hmmmmm I don’t think I have ever tasted them either, they just don’t look/smell nice! WE had a tree full of them too! suppose I should give them a go…. one day!

  8. Hello delurkers! Thanks for delurking today, I love it when people do that.

    Kathryn – I think I know the salad you mean – with mozzarella and Parma ham? Mmm mmm baby… might have to try that!

    Anna – Haha! Yes, ‘fraid so πŸ˜›

  9. Holy injuries batgirl. I can’t help but think you’d be able to get disability payments if you were a porn star–tongue and crotch injury at the same time, you’d be out of business! Sorry, bad joke. πŸ˜‰

    I’ve had figgy pudding once and it was delicious. I don’t think figs are available much in my neck of the States, but I’ve never checked so I’ll have to look into that.

  10. I love figs, but find it impossible to convince others of their deliciousness. There must just be something deeply unappetising about their appearance.

    Actually, I seem to remember from uni that in Elizabethan times “fig” was a euphemism for “turd” (as in “not to give a fig for something”) so evidently this fig-aversion goes a long, long way back…

  11. figs just look god damn scary i tell you… though the way you described them i might one day be tempted if the urge strikes!

    though you’ll have to wait for your tongue to heal before you can go experience any more of the supposed fig goodness! :O)

    there’s going to come a time when you rule over the bike!

    until then i suggest the padded trousers find themselves permanently attached to the bike!

    hope the rest of your weekend isn’t as dangerous!

  12. I have a rather delicious duck breasts with figs recipe (it’s in the current WW magazine) that’s diet-friendly and goooorgeous!

    If you want it, just say.

  13. I LOVE figs! Aren’t they ugly though? They look much better folded into cookies at Christmastime, but the fruit itself is actually even better. I know how you feel about the biking. It’s how I feel about the running. I love it…when it’s over.

  14. I love it that there are a million more tastes that we haven’t tasted and finding each and every one of them could take us a lifetime, and should we run out of the original million things, a million more would have been created in the meantime. Ooooh we are lucky sods aren’t we..

    Hope your tounge and lady bits heal up nicely LOL.

  15. mmm figs! totally inappropriate and immature but we do the fig-frig interchange and come up with such things as “hows about a juicy frig” and “frig me baby” and mmm your frigs are the best. can’t help it, we’re really 15 year old boys married to eachother. hey, it’s allowed in this country πŸ˜‰
    happy healing for your ladybits!

  16. We had a fig tree growing up, and every year my mother used to make gallons of jam. It mightn’t look particularly appetizing, but it’s delicious on toast.

  17. Figs ROCK! If you want to indulge in something wonderful get some fresh figs,Remove stems. Using a small sharp knife open up the fig from the top to about the middle with an X-cut. Place a small amount of goat’s cheese into the opening. Wrap the fig with a piece of prosciutto and secure with a tooth pick. Place figs on a baking sheet, drizzle honey over them and put under the broiler just until prosciutto starts to sizzle. You only want to warm these up and melt the cheese just a bit. These are sweet and salty, creamy and gooey. You’ll love them!…oh my…just beyond good!
    And as far as indulging goes, really not too terrible for you.

  18. Okay, I am going to take a deep breath and ask the stupid question I always want to ask when I see figs. Do you eat the whole thing? I mean, you don’t peel them or anything? (Shuffles off to hide in the corner nursing her culinary idiocy).

  19. Hey Shauna, I’ve been wanting to ask this for a while.
    How do you pronounce “whingy”? Is is like “wine-ee” or “whinj-ee”?
    Just curious…

  20. That sounds SOOO good sockmonkee… mmm mmm.

    Lynda – The skin is edible! And don’t worry, we had to google that too πŸ™‚

    el – it’s whinj-ee… it’s an aussie thing πŸ™‚

  21. Figs are most ace. Fresh is good, but the, is it ‘Crazy Jack’s’ brand are the best as far as dried figs go. If you want to try something completely different get tinned figs, put on in a teeny tiny shot glass (it should take up a large part of it) pour vodka over the top and let it sit for a while. This is interesting as it makes drinking neat vodka completely do-able, you can then eat a vodka-ie fig, and it renders the most lethal of vodka silky smooth to the palate. Learned that in Germany…

  22. Figs – the joy of my life – where I live – in Perth Australia – the most isolated city in the world! – there are a few trees around that are on public ground – my sister and I covet them as fig season comes around and will climb to any precarious spots to gather the delicious fruit.. so happy you have found them – try them on toast – just all squashed on fresh with lots of butter.. yum.

  23. Kim managed to put the ‘oi’ into fly buys on Sunday night. It is a bit of a tongue twister but I’ve been practicing hard all week.

    Moi? No, I don’t have floi bois.

  24. Are you kidding??? Figs are delicious!! I just ate two at breakfast this morning. I buy them all the time this time of year.

    Try them with a bit of goatcheese in the oven. Heaven!!!


Comments are now closed on all Dietgirl posts. For fresh conversation please visit me at shaunareid.com.